


Misery Loves Company

by dreamqu33n



Category: Batman (Movies - Nolan)
Genre: F/M, Murder, Obsession, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-06
Updated: 2017-01-30
Packaged: 2018-08-13 11:17:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 29
Words: 55,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7974901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreamqu33n/pseuds/dreamqu33n
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Natalie Dowling's life was never easy, with a mother who never cared, a brother she was forced to raise like her own son and a habit that could kill her. Then one day, a mistake changes it all and she finds herself in debt to a man who calls himself the Joker. With one little push, her life begins to spiral out of control and Natalie dives head first into the madness.</p>
<p>**Also posted on FF.net</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

"Mommy?"

She slowly crept down the stairs only pausing for a moment when she heard a loud scream. The yelling had finally stopped after hours, keeping her awake as it usually did. Still she couldn't place together why it had finally stopped. The silence made her curious.

"Mommy?" She poked her head into the kitchen, her small eyes going wide.

"Natalie! Look away!"! Her mother was one of the most beautiful women she had ever seen. Her blond hair always piled high on top of her head and her bright eyes always fixed up perfectly with make up. Her father had always called her mother a whore which, made Natalie confused. She asked her mother one time and the word made her cry. She never asked again.

"What's wrong with daddy?" Natalie reached out for him only to be held back by her mother. The same red substance that pooled around his head were dripping from her mother's hands. Despite all that, her mother held Natalie's face on each side and pulled her close. "Natalie you must never tell anyone what you see. Mommy is going to pack us some things and then we are leaving. You pack some things up too and wash your face. If we don't leave I will be gone too. Do you want that to happen?" It was the first time her mother had sounded like that towards her.

"No mommy." She tried to put her head down but her mother held it up, still staring into Natalie's eyes. "I'm sorry this had to happen baby. Now hurry."

Natalie did as she was told, running up the stairs and grabbed her small backpack, wondering what things to take. Her mother had come in moments later throwing a few toys into another bag and telling Natalie to get some clothing.

"And wash your face! Quickly Natalie!"

Moving at rapid pace, Natalie ran to the washroom and went wide eyed at her own reflection in the mirror. Red smears were across her face, some patches were a runny ruby color while other spots had dried. \

Natalie couldn't help but stare at the spots as she wiped the blood away.

"Natalie let's go!"

Her face was clear and her bag was still empty. She grabbed a few things before running down the stairs getting one last quick look at her father before her mother yanked her away and threw her into the car.

"Mommy where are we going?" Natalie asked, watching her home slowly disappearing.

"We are going to visit grandma for awhile. She doesn't have much room but we will work with it. A lot of things are going to be changing for us. Natalie, you will have to be a very good girl from now on."

Natalie bit her lip and the salty drops fell from her eyes as she could see her house no longer.

'What about my friends? My school?'' Her mind wondered. A small whimper left her lips and she leaned her head against the car window, glad her mother seemed to be in her own world. 'What about daddy?'


	2. Dark Road

"Hey sugar tits, get me another cup of jo, will yah?" His hand came across her backside hard and she jumped almost out of her skin. Thankfully, the shorter woman at the counter was already setting another pot on the ledge for her to grab. Her feet moved quickly as she grabbed it, taking it back over to the table.

She worked quickly, refilling coffees as the men talking with mouthfuls of food spilling back onto their plates. She was able to get half a sigh out when the man with the grabby hands stopped her.

"So I hear from Nicki he is seeing your mama now. Said she ain't half bad in bed when she isn't falling down drunk. I just have the ask if the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree." The words alone made her cheeks heat up and she quickly turned on her heel and stormed into the kitchen.

"You know they are just bugging you. They know they can get under your skin." The older woman from before came in behind her.

"Yeah I know Trixie." She dumped the remaining coffee down the drain and began to rinse the pot out. "I just wish that my mom could have been a little wiser as to who she slept with."

"Natalie just because your mother picked this life doesn't mean you have to deal with it." Trixie placed and hand on her shoulder and squeezed it. "You don't have to keep paying for your mother's demons, whatever they may be."

"Someone has to look after Tim." Natalie turned, leaning back on the sink. "Who knows what will happen if he stays in that house without me. Not only that who is going to pay the bills? Put a roof over their head? Feed them?"

Before Trixie could get another word in, Natalie shook her head. "I know you mean well, but once I finish saving up my money for a new apartment, I am taking Tim and moving out of there whether she likes it or not. Get one of her Italian boyfriends to look after her."

"I'll make sure I get you as many hours as I can. Now get home, your shift is over."

Natalie had no urge to hang around the diner for much longer despite knowing what she was going home to was not much better.

Ducking out the back entrance, she caught a quick look at herself in the window's reflection. Her blond hair flopped down in a low side ponytail and her blue eyes looked dull. She was her mother's daughter, there was no doubt about that. Though now-a-days it was harder to tell since her mother's skin had long lost its color and her eyes were sunken in, looking hollow and dead.

The walk home was short and as usually- she heard the same noises and smelt the same smells that had graced her for years. Nothing ever seemed to change in this side of town. The same people lived there for ever and it was the same people running the show.

'Maroni.' She rolled her eyes everything thinking the name. It was hard not to think of the last name as a joke when Natalie only really knew one Maroni well and he was no shining star. A tall and skinny man with a fake sounding accent and smelled strongly of aftershave. Nicki Maroni was no prize.

'Not to mention he is a pig.' Natalie shuddered at the thought of only a few weeks ago when her mother had passed out before Nicki could finish with her. He was knocking at her bedroom door, trying to call her on with his body still warm from her mother's touch. Natalie locked the door to her room that night.

"Hey I'm home!" She called out.

"In the kitchen." The voice she knew well but it sounded different, like something was wrong.

She was stopped in her tracks as she entered the kitchen, seeing her mother wobbling in a chair, blood gushing from her forehead. "What the hell happened?"

"She said she fell." She caught site of the boy by the sink rinsing a wash cloth out. His dark hair sticking to his forehead. "I didn't know what else to do to help her."

"You did good Tim." she took the washcloth from him. "Go do your homework or something."

He stayed put for a moment before slowly leaving the room, watching Natalie the entire time holding the cloth against her mother's wound. She ignored the sounds of protest coming from the pale woman's lips, pressing down harder.

"I have to stop the bleeding." She groaned, scrunching her nose at the smell of gin, seeping through the woman's pores. "Sit still or you will have to go get stitches again."

The words seemed to sink in the drunken woman's mind as, she settled down and allowed the pressure on her forehead to continue.

"The bleeding is stopped." Natalie tossed the cloth in the sink and turned to leave the kitchen.

"Is..is Nick here yet?" Her mother's voice was hoarse. Natalie glanced over her shoulder.

"No, he will be soon though so get yourself cleaned up." Natalie didn't wait much longer not wanting to be asked to help. She had already done enough for today and plus she had better things to worry about than putting her mother back together like humpty dumpty.

"Is she okay?" Tim peaked his head out of doorway, his blue eyes tainted with worry. "I found her passed out in the hallway."

"She is awake and she won't need the hospital." She placed her arm around the shorter boy's shoulder. "We won't have to worry about this much longer anyways."

"How was work?" The subject was changed so quickly, it didn't register into Natalie's mind of a moment. She didn't want to read too much into right now with all the drama that had already begun today.

"I'll be back there tomorrow so that has to mean something." A small smile formed on her lips. "What about school?"

"Same as always. Boring and nothing to do." He rolled his eyes up,

"How about learn something." Natalie scolded him. "You know I never made it to college which means…"

"Yah yah I know," Tim waved his hand while heading back into his room. "Since you and mom didn't that means someone is going to have to make it."

"Exactly!" Natalie shook her head as he shut the door on her words and headed to the door across the hallway.

Her room was simple, white walls, one window and a brown, single bed with a blue blanket. There had been no space in her room for a dresser so for the most part, her clothing stayed hidden away in her closet.

"Home sweet home." She mumbled quickly stripping off her uniform and throwing on a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt. This room truly felt more like home to her than anywhere else in the house. She had spent over ten years hiding away from her mother, crying into her pillow and tossing around things when she would get mad as a young teenager.

There was only a short amount of time until dinner had to be started, a chore that fell onto her, like most others. It didn't seem to matter how many times her brother had begged their mother to feed him or how many times he wore the same stained clothing to school. No one really seemed to care until Natalie decided to step in when she was almost a baby herself. It was only a matter of time before she had taken over the roll of the breadwinner of the home while her mother acted like the spoiled child.

It was always the same at the end of the day, despite how many times the boat was rocked. It being so predictable had practically made Natalie numb to the severity of it all.

'I wonder if this is how mother felt or even how grandma felt…' the thought crossed her mind often, though she swore never to let her life become the shambles that the two older women had come too. She had only touched alcohol once in her life and would never go near drugs. She took pride in that fact.

Dinner, brought no surprises as per usual. Natalie cooked while her mother chugged down some glasses of hard liquor and her brother made small talk, pretending like he was having a conversation with a real family. Half way through the front door opened and Natalie didn't bother to look up, already knowing who it was.

"Well if it isn't my pretty family." He took a seat next to her mother, wrapping his arm around her shoulder.

"Oh Nicki." Her mother buried her head in his shoulder and reached up to touch his dark hair.

"Come on Veronica, not in front of the kids." He pulled her tighter and threw a quick wink to Natalie. She bit down on the inside of her own cheek and stood up, throwing her empty plate in the sink.

"Where are you going sweety?" Her mother slurred as she went to exit the kitchen.

"I have work in the morning. I need to get some sleep."

She didn't wait for a response and quickly made it to her room, locking the door behind her. She sank on her bed again, staring up at the ceiling.

'For twenty six years, you have been alive and accomplished nothing!' he mind yelled at her. 'When are you going to get it together?'

Before she could stop herself, her hand was already reaching under the bed, pulling out a small black case. With a quick glance to the door she set the black case beside her and slowly pulled off her sweat pants. Natalie traced over the raised lines against the inside of her thigh, closing her eyes with a sigh.

She pulled a thin razor blade from the bag, holding it up to a clear spot on her leg. She opened her eyes just as the blood began to seep from the small cut created from her own will.

'All that blood…' her mind trailed off. 'I wonder what daddy would think of me now?'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Thank you for reading and I hope you have enjoyed so far! My goal is to update this story once a week but I don't honestly know how well that will work out. Also each chapter, I will be trying to find a song that works with it in some way for the title. If your interested this chapters title came from Dark Road by Annie Lennox so please feel free to check it out! Also the story title came from Misery Loves Company by Emilie Autumn. Thanks again!


	3. I Want My Innocence Back

'Something is going to go wrong today.' were her first thoughts when she woke up.

Her alarm clock didn't go off for some reason and because of that she missed wishing her brother good luck on his test today (something she always made a habit of doing). Her mother, who was usually starving from her nightly binges, hadn't cried out for her breakfast either.

'Don't go, stay home.' her mind was screaming as she quickly pulled on her work uniform. Natalie sighed, making her way to the bathroom and throwing her hair back into a ponytail. She didn't both to fiddle with it as per usual. 'I can't be late, even if I don't want to go in.'

She managed to get the rest of her things together quickly and only got a quick glance at the clock and realized she would still make it on time. She had just finished putting on her shoes when she felt someone graze her shoulder.

"Hey Natalie." the overpowering smell of cologne made her nose and throat burn as she held back a cough.

She turned to him and found herself staring into his bare chest. She looked up at him and stopped herself from rolling her eyes at his smug grin. He took a step, advancing only to cause Natalie to take a step back.

"I'm sorry I have to go." she wanted to get away from him without the fight. Any other morning, Natalie would have made it apparent on how she felt but there was no time to argue with him. She just wanted him to let her go. "I''m going to be late for work. Can we talk later?"

"Call in sick, spend the day with me." Nicki flashed another grin and grabbed her shoulders. "Come on, your mom is going to be passed out all day anyways. Plus I bet you need to release some of that tension…" he rubbed her shoulder.

"Nicki I have to go." her words were hard, the frustration building. "Let me go please."

"You know ladies would kill to have just an hour with me! I'm offering you a whole day." He was still holding on, his hand beginning to travel down.

Without thinking she pulled away and slapped him hard in the face. "The answer is no Nicki! It will always be no! You will never have me!"

His hands let go of her and she took off, not wanting to look back. 'Deal with him later.' she told herself. 'I don't have time for this.'

She knew Trixie wouldn't give her trouble for being late especially if she mentioned that Nicki was acting as his usual self. However, this day had already started out bad enough and Natalie wanted to keep things as normal as possible.

She breathed a sigh of relief when she made it to work on time.

For the rest of the day, things did seemed to be normal, just as Natalie had hoped for. Trixie greeted her the same way as usual, and there was a new cook who seemed to be on his best behaviour today. No one touched her, no one demanded her attention.

The day moved along quickly, much to Natalie's surprised. As the sun began to set and the diner's last customer had finally left, Trixie started to finish the last of her tasks and then grabbed her jacket to leave.

"Sure you don't need me to stay?" Trixie stopped at the door, her body already half way out. "It's really no trouble."

"It's no hassle at all. It's better than home that's for sure. Plus I like having the time to think."

Trixie gave her one final smile before leaving.

Natalie rested her elbow on the main counter and let her head balanced as she read over the list of things to be finished. Friday nights had always been her favorite, despite how exhausting they seemed to alway be. This, to her, was a night of freedom.Tim always stayed at a friend's from friday to sunday which meant she really had nothing to worry about.

No dinner to cook. No one to clean up after.

Her focus broke as she heard the door open and slam shut.

"Sorry we are actually closed now!" she spoke loudly, not bothering to glance up.

"I didn't come here for the food." her body tensed as she recognized the voice.

"What are you doing here?" she locked eyes with the man who just couldn't seem to let her go. He was still in the outfit from this morning but he swayed as he stood before her. "Shouldn't you be with my mother?"

He approached her slowly and Natalie could see his eyes were glazed over. He slammed his hands down in front of her and she jumped back against the wall. "That whore is passed out. She is all used up anyways. I've come for the real prize."

A chill ran up her spine as she stared at him. Her mind was screaming again and her gut ached when she realized something bad was going to happen and she was all alone.

'But he doesn't know that…' she calmly told herself.

"Trixie!"

"I watched the old lady leave. It's just you and me. Now why don't you come here and talk to Nicki." he licked his lips, watching her like a cat would its prey. He moved to the other side of the counter and flicked the lights off. Natalie knew she should have made a run for it at that point but her feet were glued to the spot. He slowly made his way back over but this time he got as close as possible.

"I said…" he reached out and grabbed her blond locks, yanking her hard towards him and out from behind the counter. "Come here!"

Natalie cried out, more surprised at his actions then in pain. He hadn't let go of her even when she began to stumble into the middle of the diner. Nicki yanked harder and pulled her back in front of him while letting out a howl of amusement.

"I know you have the time for me now Natalie. I have a few important questions for you…" Without warning his fist connected with her stomach. She let out a gasp as the wind was knocked out of her and she fell to the floor.

His laughter carried throughout the diner again as he closed in on her. "Come on Natalie, where is that fight I saw this morning?"

She managed to stand back up and flew towards the back exit but found herself being thrown into a wall instead. She had crashed into one of the many pictures that had been hung around the diner and the glass shattered around her, digging in the back of her legs and hands as she tried to sit up.

"I have to ask…" he was straddling her now and pinned her back down to the floor. "Have you ever been fucked before Natalie?" he punched her in the face before she could answer. Natalie could see the rage in his eyes and smell the whiskey on his breath. She wanted to be strong but her body wouldn't stop shaking.

His fist came down again with another question. "Do you suck dick like your mama?" She tasted the blood as it dripped from her lips into her mouth and she managed to suck in some air before the next punch landed.

"You think you're better than me? You think you can insult me? I was nice Natalie! I gave you a chance but you couldn't just be a good girl and listen!" his fingers were wrapped around her neck now and his other hand was moving up her skirt.

"You're gunna take it now. Dry and hard you dirty bitch." She felt his cold fingers move against her and then inside of her. She kicked her legs up, trying to get him off but she couldn't as he gripped her throat tighter.

Natalie felt her body go numb and her mind was foggy as he let go of her neck and pulled his fingers from within her. He was reaching for his belt buckle, the jingle of it burned her ears and she clenched her fist. Something sharp poked the tip of her finger and she felt herself floating away from what was happening.

The fog that had surrounded her only seconds ago was beginning to clear and she saw two figures before her, both she recognized. It was the same face she saw every day except younger and fresher. Her arms were raised, hands clenched around something sharp and in the air over a man she hadn't seen in years. It had been so long, she almost had forgot what he had looked like.

"You bastard!" her mother screamed, plunging the sharp object into him. "You think this is funny now?" Blood began to splatter across her mother's pale cheeks and into her bright blond hair as she continued to raise her arms up and drive the object down again with as much force as possible. Her mother was screaming, the words she was saying were lost in the anger she seemed to feel.

"Enough…" Natalie spoke out loud, sensing it had gone too far. "Stop it…"

Natalie almost didn't believe it when her mother had stopped and turned to her. "He caused this. He did this to himself when he thought I was like my mother! He thought I would just lay there and take it like that drunk whore!"

"I don't understand…" Natalie's voiced trailed off when she felt something run down the other side of her cheek. She raised her hand and wiped it away slowly. Her hands were shaking as she held them up to examine what had been there.

"Blood." Natalie felt herself gasping for breath. There was more blood than there should have been from just wiping her cheek. Without thinking she ran both hands across her cheeks and then her lips, realizing she was covering in it.

Then, like a snap of the fingers, she found herself straddling Nicki, whose face was contorted in pain but, still. The dozen of marks in his chest made it painfully clear that he was no longer on the same earth Natalie was even though his body was still warm. She eyes moved wildly around until she found the large piece of glass that had fallen from her hands only moments ago.

"Oh god." she jumped off of him and ran her hands through her hair. "Oh my god."

She paced before stopping once again in front of the corpse, her body shaking uncontrollably and her mind not stopping when all she wanted was a minute to think clearly. A wave of emotions hit her at rapid pace and soon enough she was screaming down at the dead man.

"Why the hell did you come!? Couldn't you let things be? You stupid idiot?"

"Uh..I don't think he can hear you." the voice came from nowhere and Natalie felt her body freeze like ice again.

'No, no, no.' her mind was in full panic mode. 'I had time to figure this out!'

"Plus…" she caught sight of him as he slowly slinked from the shadows. "I think you're...uh kinda losing it."

She could see only parts of his face, all covered in white except for his lips that were covered in a wide red smile. Something was off about him but Natalie really didn't have time to process anything besides that someone was here, staring down at what she did.

"Why are you here?" she choked out the words.

"You mean…" he stepped closer to her. His hair was unnaturally green and his shirt was a dark purple. "Have I called Gotham's finest on you yet?"

She couldn't find the words and answer with a simple nod.

She jumped as he threw his head back and let out a loud laughed, just as Nicki had at her before. "Why would I do that? It would ruin all the fun!"

"How is this fun?" her body trembled, the adrenaline trying to escape her system.

"How is this not fun!" he cackled out again. "I didn't expect to find this masterpiece in Gotham tonight." He moved closer to her, raising his finger, his voice lowering. "But the party's just getting started." he dragged out each word, licking his lips.

Natalie's couldn't find the words to response, not fully understanding what he intended for her or for his 'party'. She looked around, searching for something to defend herself, realizing there was only the bloody shard she had used to slaughter Nicki with.

His unexpected giggle made her jump again. "Oh boy this is getting good! Come on, do it, do it, do it!"

Her gut ached and she decided, for the first time today to trust her instincts. She crossed her arms over her chest, not knowing what other way to inform him of her change of heart without choking out the words.

"Enough fun for one night?" he tauted. When she didn't respond to his words he sighed. "You think you know a girl."

"What do you want?" Natalie squeaked out, hugging herself tighter.

"Well, uh I am gunna help you clean up your mess." he said it like it was some kind of common knowledge.

"Why?"

"I am a good guy at heart, really." He held his hands against his heart. "I can't stand to see a poor girl, in trouble and not knowing what to do."

Natalie didn't by it and stood still, holding her breath.

"Well and you will owe me a favor."

'This guy is mad.' she knew from the moment he spoke, there was something different about him. The way he walked and spoke, there was no way he was associated with any of the mobs in Gotham. She may have only had a bit of knowledge about the different gangs, but she was almost positive this was a man they would not want to be associated with.

"Why should I trust you?"

His smile grew wider and he had moved close enough that Natalie could smell his breath and fully see his face. She realized now what was off about him. Deep scars ran up the sides of his cheeks, where the red makeup had been smeared on. She pulled back slightly, an action he either didn't notice or didn't care to acknowledge. "What are you going to do if you decide not to trust me?"

She knew he was right. Natalie knew deep down, there is no way she would be able to clean everything up, get rid of the body and make it home without being sick or getting caught somehow.

"How will I know when you want me to return the favor?" her teeth chattered, as he mind fully processed all that was happening in the short amount of time.

"Oh don't you worry. I will find you." He placed his hand on her cheek and smacked it lightly a few times. "Now run along and don't forget our deal."

Natalie didn't have to be told twice. She bolted from the diner and took off down the street. Natalie was thankful that most of the people in her neighbourhood chose to stay indoors around this time of night. Despite the crime rate dropping, that didn't mean it was safe. She made it into her apartment and into the bathroom without anyone seeing her.

The mirror gave a shocking reflection back as Natalie stared into it. Her face had smears of dried blood where she had ran her hands and her blond hair was speckled with red.

'Mommy!'

Her own childhood memory sent her back against the wall. Natalie had tried so hard to push the memories of that night away and yet, they always tried to come rushing back to her.

She remembered looking into the mirror, her father's blood smeared onto her face, put there by her mother's hands. She remembered seeing her father's corpse, mangled and beaten, just as she had done to Nicki. Most of all, she remembered how numb she felt when she grew up and fully realized what her mother had done.

'God I am like her.'

Despite the fact she had taken a man's life today, her body was still sicker at the thought of her becoming like the woman who had given birth to her. Natalie wasn't sure if she wanted to laugh or to cry. She had fought so hard not to become a drunk and to take care of her children when she had them. In the end it wasn't the drinking or the immaturity she needed to worry about.

That was the biggest joke of all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter title came from the song 'I Want My Innocence Back' by Emilie Autumn. Thanks for reading!


	4. Frozen

"I can't believe he just disappeared!"

Natalie sat across from her mother, watching as she cried into her drink over the man who had suddenly left overnight. Her gut ached with guilt, not for her mother's sadness but for her own shame. After Natalie had cleaned herself up after that night, only a week ago, it all clicked in her mind that she had killed a man and then trusted some mad clown to clean up after her.

Going to work that next day was like walking on hot coals. Yet when she arrived, everything was cleaned up and put back together. The only thing Natalie had to explain was the missing picture- a story she easily made up.

"I just don't know what I did wrong!" Normally Natalie would roll her eyes at her mother's pathetic actions, saying something along the lines of 'this isn't the first time it's happened', but now there was no sarcastic comments. She knew Nicki didn't choose to walk out on them. No matter the vile things he did to her, in the end Natalie was the bad guy. At least that's how everyone else in her life would see if.

"Tim is going to be home soon. Let's get you to your room." Natalie helped her mother out, needing something to rid the guilt.

"Tim is going to be so heart broken! He looked up to Nicki like a father!" She could only cringe and push open the door to her mother's bedroom. There were bottles sticking out from under the bed and an overflowing ashtray on the side stand. Clothing and papers were all over the floor, crunching as Natalie stepped on them.

For the most part Natalie kept the apartment clean but never touched her mother's room and told Tim his room was his chore.

Natalie got her mother into bed and headed back out into the living room just as Tim walked in the front door. She reached out for him, rubbing his light brown hair before shutting the door behind him.

"Is mom still a mess?" He asked, moving to the kitchen and pulling out a can of pop.

"Well you know how she is. You probably won't see much of her this week." Natalie shrugged and took a seat at the table again.

"It's just weird you know?" he began, pulling to tab on his can. "I mean I can usually tell when these guys are going to up and leave but this time was different."

"I wouldn't worry too much about it." Natalie didn't want to hear what her brother had to say. She didn't want him thinking too much about things and wanting to talk about them with her. She just wanted this all to go away.

"How about I order pizza tonight?" Natalie jumped up and picked up the phone. "The usual?"

Tim grinned and laughed. "Better make it an extra large, I'm hungry tonight."

Natalie was able to push her worries away as she maintained some form of normality in her daily life. Tim wanted to eat in front of the TV while watching a new episode of some show him and his friends were into.

"How can you watch this stuff?" Natalie bit into her pizza and cringed. "It's so boring."

"After it's done, you can pick!" Tim leaned in closer to the TV, finishing off the slice in his hand.

Natalie smirked as the show ended and she switched on the news. Tim leaned back into the couch with a groan and gently hit his sister in the arm. "Seriously Nat, you said my stuff was boring? Look at what you picked."

"The news is interesting." she only glanced at him before turning back to the screen.

"In other news, a body had been found floating near midtown two nights ago which, police have now identified as Nicki Maroni…" Natalie's body froze mid bite and Tim sat up. "Though police aren't releasing many details, but Gotham PD has confirmed that they suspect foul play was involved."

"I knew something wasn't right." Tim looked at Natalie. "We thought he up and left. That he was some bad guy. But he was killed Natalie. He never wanted to leave us."

Natalie stared at her brother and managed to nod before Tim hugged her and cried in her arms. She heard him say something about how he really liked Nicki and how they had made plans to be a family. That he promised Tim that no matter what, he would always be there for him. She didn't know how much time had passed even as she lead Tim to his room to go to sleep. Natalie stumbled to her own room and collapsed onto her bed.

Beads of sweat ran down her forehead and she pulled at her hair, screaming into her pillow.

'What have you done! What have you done!' she asked herself over and over again.

She had not only killed a man but in the process hurt the most important person in the world to her. Natalie didn't realize how much Tim had looked up to the man she had hated so much. She didn't know of the promises that had been made or the connections her brother had created.

Images of the night popped into her mind and it felt as if Nicki was on top of her again, pushing his fingers into her. The glass was in her hand again and she struck him, over and over. Her mother was standing over her father's corpse, the blood running everywhere and the knife falling to the ground.

Natalie felt the pain in her thigh before she realized what was happening. She had somehow pulled out her kit and push the razor into her skin without noticing. It had been apart of her routine for so long, it was almost like breathing to her. She dug the blade in deep to an old wound and watched the red liquid run slowly down her leg.

She was happy Nicki was dead, there was no doubt about that.

Natalie just wished she hadn't been the one to do it.

***

"No! NO!"

Natalie awoke to the sound of her mother's wails echoing through the apartment. Any other child would likely be concerned or worried at the sounds but for Natalie, it was a noise that came like a weekly newspaper.

'Wonder if she broke her bottle again.' She rolled over with a groan.

"Natalie! Natalie! Wake up!" her mother's voice sounded more pained than before.

As much as Natalie didn't want to get out of bed, her gut was telling her to move and if there was anything she knew from the past few weeks, it was to trust her feelings. She quickly slipped on a pair of pants and t-shirt before heading out of her room.

'I wanted to sleep in on my last day off for the week.' Her body ached, her mind was a mess and she just wanted no responsibilities at least until Tim got home from school. 'I can't deal with my mother's bullshit, not now.'

"Oh I can't believe he is gone!"

She froze to the spot when she realized her mother wasn't alone. In the kitchen her mother sat across from two men in suits. Before she was even told who they were, she knew they were a part of the Gotham Police Department.

"Oh Natalie!" Her mother, who seemed to have significantly sobered up, reached out and hugged her tightly. "Nicki was killed. They found his body two days ago. I thought he left us but he was taken from us!"

"Miss Dowling, I'm Detective Beech and this is Detective Mason. We have a few questions for you and your mother regarding Mr. Maroni."

"Yeah…" Natalie's mouth ran dry. "Sure."

"Alright now when was the last time you saw Nicki?"

_"Come on Natalie, where is that fight I saw this morning?"_

"Thursday morning before I left for work."

Detective Beech, who seemed to be in charge, nodded writing a few things down. "Do you know if Nicki had any enemies?"

_"You think you're better than me? You think you can insult me? I was nice Natalie! I gave you a chance but you couldn't just be a good girl and listen!"_

"He was a Maroni, they have a lot of enemies." The words left her mouth before she could stop them.

"Natalie!" her mother's voice was between a shrill and a cry.

"It's alright Veronica, those are facts everyone knows." Detective Mason spoke up finally and her mother seemed to calm.

"Is there anything else you think we need to know about Nicki? Any detail would be helpful."

_"You're gunna take it now. Dry and hard you dirty bitch."_

"No, nothing."

"Well then, I think that is all the questions we need to ask. Thank you for your time and sorry for your loss."

Natalie watched as they walked out the door and locked it behind them. She let out a long breath that she had been holding as soon as they got up to leave. She expected them to stop, turn around and put the cuffs on her.

But they didn't.

"What are we going to do Natalie?"

She stared blankly at her mother for a moment. "I am sure it will be fine." She tried to walk away and back to her room but her mother jumped up and stood in her path.

"Don't you care that he is dead?" Tears were running down the woman's cheeks.

"We have made it through worse."

Natalie pushed passed her mother who didn't bother to chase after her daughter. There was no need to explain what Natalie had meant- it was a secret between the two of them that never had to be spoken.

She hadn't seen her mother for the rest of the night, not that it surprised Natalie. Tim arrived home explaining that someone mentioned the police had been there when he came home. Natalie told him what had happened.

They ate leftover pizza for supper and sipped at flat soda. She let Tim pick the shows they watched that night though he didn't seemed too thrilled about it.

"What are we going to do Natalie?" Tim's words echoed their mother's and it made something inside Natalie stir.

"I don't know." She didn't dare say more, afraid of her own frustration.

Tim went to bed earlier again and Natalie cleaned up silently and then headed to her own room to attempt to head to bed early so she would be refreshed for the next day. But as she laid down, her thoughts ran a mile a minute.

'Why does everyone always want me to decide what to do?' she thought back to Tim and her mother, both looking to her. 'Sometimes I wish...it wasn't always like this.' This wasn't the first time important choice Natalie had to make for the family and she knew it would likely not be the be the last.

She closed her eyes again with a sigh.

Without warning there was pressure on her chest and a hand over her mouth.

Instantly her hands went flying up, pounding into something solid but with every hit that landed, the hand against her mouth gripped tighter and tighter. Whoever it was, let out a small chuckle into her ear and that action alone made her freeze.

Slowly, she opened her eyes slowly and stared up into the eyes of her assailant.

He was grinning from ear to ear and she felt something sharp against her throat.

"Well...uh hello princess…" he slapped her cheek a few times. "I told you I would find you."


	5. Whisper

The knife's blade felt sharp against her skin and she fought the urge to move, afraid that anymore pressure and it may draw blood. Her eyes were wide and she couldn't blink let alone breath at the sight of him.

"Now don't do anything dumb." he dragged out the last word. "When I let go don't scream."

When Natalie didn't respond he pushed down on her a bit harder until she quickly nodded her head, more than enough times, to get the point across.

He moved off of her and she took in large gulps of air, coughing out what wouldn't seem to go down. She didn't want to be afraid of this man but she couldn't seem to stop trembling with fear, even just knowing he was standing close to her.

"What?" Natalie could see the yellow of his teeth as he grinned. "I took care of your little problem and no thank you?"

"They found him." Despite being fearful, she was mad, mostly at herself. But that anger seemed to rear it's ugly head as she spoke. "You call that taking care of it?"

"Tsk, tsk, tsk." he hopped onto her dresser, letting his legs dangle, using his knife to clean his nails. "You never said you wanted his body to disappear forever."

"What if they figure out it was me?" she harshly whispered.

He shrugged, letting his knife drop to his side as he picked up the lone picture that sat beside him. He studied it for a minute before looking at her with bored eyes. "Well that's not my problem." He turned the picture towards her. "Cute kid. He yours?"

Without thinking, she lunged, ripping the picture of her brother away from him. "It's my brother. Now what do you want?"

"If I didn't know any better, I would think you aren't afraid of me." he jumped from the desk and moved towards her, backing her into the door. The picture dropped from her hands and onto the floor.

He moved his face close enough so their noses were touching and grabbed her chin, keeping it steady. The knife was back in her face but this time he held it directly in front of her eye.

"Well, that's more like it." he licked the scars on his face and his smile grew. Natalite tried to stop her body from shaking but there was no use. Any strength she had, was used when he first appeared.

"Now you can keep up with your little hissy fit…" he moved the knife an inch closer. "Or you can listen to what you are going to do for me. Since you do owe me."

"I'll listen." she squeaked.

"Good." He pulled back a little. "I need you to change your place of employment. The Gotham National Bank is looking for a new employee and I need someone in there."

"Why?" she asked as he squeezed harder against her chin.

"Uhhh..I don't think the deal is for you to ask questions." he licked his lips again. "Unless you want to make another deal. It can be arranged."

She shook her head no and he laughed again. "You sure princess? I could find loads of things for you to do for me."

She couldn't bring herself to respond knowing her words only seemed to make it worse.

With a sigh, he let her go and she crumbled to the ground.

Natalie didn't dare look up at him, afraid of what he could do next. Her brother was so close to them that if he heard anything commotion he would come over to her room, wondering what was happening. She couldn't have that happen. 'Best just do what he wants, it could be worse.'

"Give me a few months to get money together to move…."

He was standing over her now and gave her a small kick. "I didn't say take your time princess!"

"But…"

He crouched on his knees and grabbed her face again. "It's not a uh...debated." his lips smacked together with every word. "I need you to be there now."

Her adrenaline kicked in as she grew more frustrated with him. There was no way she was leaving her home and job without enough money for her and Tim to survive alone. She remembered the clown's words as she told him Nicki had been found, her eyes narrowed towards him. "That's not my problem. You will get your favor on my time."

The man began to shake and Natalie inched back, afraid she was going to be hit. Suddenly, he began to laugh wildly. He jumped up and moved back towards the window, his laughter beginning to die down.

"I didn't realize this was going to be so…" his tongue darted from his mouth to his scars. "Fun."

"What do you mean fun?" Natalie managed to stand back up and cross her arms over her chest.

"Don't you worry! You will know soon enough," he reached into his pocket and laid something on her desk. "Now when you change your mind…" he spoke slowly. "...and you will change your mind. Call the number on the back of this card and as to speak to me."

"I don't even know who to ask for."

He pushed her window open. "Look at the card!"

Even if she wanted to stop him, there was no way she could. He was out the window and gone before she could even take a step forward. She ran to the window, shutting and locking it swiftly. Natalie didn't want to chance him coming back in.

Slowly she picked up the card he had left and studied it. It appeared to be from an ordinary deck of cards that someone had written on. There was a phone number scribbled across the centre of it and in each corner the joker symbol was circled.

'This guy calls himself the Joker?' Natalie pieced it all together in her mind.

She settled in her bed, not even trying to close her eyes, knowing sleep would not be near any time soon.

'What is he going to do?' she asked herself, staring at the wall. 'What will happen to me?'

***

"Natalie?"

"Huh?" She looked up from the sinkful of dishes she had been washing and turned to Trixie who had laid a hand on her shoulder.

"I've been calling you for the past five minutes. Then I come back and find you staring into the sink like some kind of zombie." Trixie passed over a towel to Natalie as she pulled her hands from the sink. "Something had been bugging you lately. I just wanted to see if there was anything I can do to help."

"There is just a lot going on."

"I can imagine. WIth your mother and then Nicki being found. I am sure it's not easy being at home right now."

Natalie only found the strength to nod as Trixie walked away. If her friend only knew how much more to the story there was. It seemed like no matter where Natalie was, it wasn't easy. When she was at home, she had to deal with her mother and at work the memory of Nicki's body lying in the middle of the floor. Anywhere else she went, it was her looking over her shoulder for the police or the clown man.

She hadn't heard a peep from him in over a week now and her fear had simmered down but not completely disappeared. She knew there was very little ways to hurt her, one being to rat her out to the police.

'Maybe he is going to let you wait.' she thought to herself. 'I only need another month and I can do what he wants.' She had every intention of following through on her promise but she needed to do it on her terms.

"Trixie you need anything else?" Natalie poked her out of the kitchen after glancing at the clock.

"No go on and get out of here."

The walk home gave her time to think.

'Start being optimistic. If this guy really needs your help then he will let it slide. Keep your chin up. Soon Tim and you will be out of there.'

Natalie couldn't help but feel her spirits lift up and even found herself smiling.

'No drunk mother to worry about either.' Natalie had no intentions of seeing her mother when they moved out. She didn't even want to let Tim anywhere near her even if she promised to clean up her act. She had hurt them too much, too many times. 'I've been his mother longer than she ever attempted to be.'

As Natalie neared her apartment building she noticed an odd amount of people standing outside of the building, whispering to one another.

"What is going on?" Natalie walked up asked one of the neighbors who she was friendly with.

"A car pulled up ten minutes ago and some rich bitch in a suit got out. Then we heard someone screaming at the top of their lungs. Someone said she is some kind of worker and that she visited her sister a few weeks ago…"

Natalie's heart drop and her feet took off before she could think.

'He's done something! What the hell has his done?!' her mind thought of the Joker almost instantaneously as she almost reached her doorway at the end of the hall. Before she could open the door she heard the cry again and knew it was her mother.

"Please don't!"

Natalie flung the door open, unsure what she would do if there was a knife or gun pointed at her mother or brother. But instead she saw her mother on her knees and wailing into her hands while a short lady in the suit stood, with crossed arms staring down at her. "You can't take him!"

"What is going on?" Natalie shut the door behind her and approached.

"They are taking Tim!"

"Natalie!" Tim came from nowhere with a bag in his hand and jumped into her arms. "This lady said I can't live here anymore."

"You can't just do this." Natalie said to the woman. "You think you can waltz right in here and take him away. He is being taking care of! He is fed and clothed…"

"I am assuming you are Tim's sister?" the woman didn't wait for a response. "I am sorry to tell you but I can take him away. It's four in the afternoon and your mother is drunk and from what I gathered from the neighbors this is a regular occurrence. There is barely any food in the house and when I looked in the bedrooms, only yours was cleaned."

"There is enough food to fed us." Natalie gritted through her teeth, trying to stop herself from lashing out any more. "I'll clean the rooms, I'll be here when…"

"That isn't your choice Miss Dowling. If you wish to take custody of Tim, I would suggest getting your own place and making sure it's better stocked and taken care of." she moved to the door and pulled Tim with her.

"I can do it in a month! I have the money almost saved up! Just don't take him!" Natalie was begging now, the realization hitting her that Tim was about to leave and there was almost nothing she could do.

"I'm sorry," she went to leave but stopped and turned back. "Before I forget, the person who reported your mother requested me to tell you that he told you this would happen if you didn't listen to what he suggested. It's a shame to know your family had already been given one chance to better yourselves."

Then she was gone.

The tears began to form in Natalie's eyes, half from the sadness of watching her brother be forced away the other from the anger that ran through her. She left her mother in a mess and stormed off to her room.

'He took the one thing I loved the most all because I wouldn't work with his time line.' her hands were shaking and she held her head. She couldn't stop her tears from falling and she sobbed weakly into her pillow. 'I worked so hard for this.'

There was no escaping now, Natalie knew that. After what had just happened, she didn't want to gamble on what could happen next. She would have to move into a smaller apartment for now and size up when she could in order to provide more space for her and Tim and apply at the bank. All these tasks, she could get done by the end of the week.

She picked up her phone and pulled the card from underneath the mattress. Quickly she dialed the number and he picked up on the first ring.

"Weeeelll hello princess."

"I'll do it." she knew he would be able to tell she was crying. "I'll fucking do it okay?"

"Why so sad? Did something go wrong?" his fake concern made her body shake.

"I'm not stupid. You got what you wanted."

"You're not stupid anymore." he laughed.

"I am going to apply tomorrow and will be moving by the end of the week." she hung up the phone and threw it across the room.

'Oh god what have I done?'


	6. Breaking the Habit

"Congratulations Natalie!" The cheers rang through the diner as Trixie walked out with a round cake in hand.

"Really guys this is too much." she didn't want anyone cheering for her or bringing her presents. She felt guilty- guilty for lying to them, guilty for taking off and leaving the diner short staffed and most of all guilty for the heinous act that took place a foot away from her, only a few weeks before.

Like she promised, Natalie had applied for the job at Gotham National and heard back rather quickly from them saying she had received the position within a day of the interview. Apparently they had been short staffed for awhile and she seemed to be a perfect fit. The next day she went and looked at three apartments and put a deposit down on one.

"How did the move go?" Trixie asked after the party was over and the two were left alone to clean up.

"I didn't have much to move so it was good." Natalie started stuffing some of the work clothing, she had been given, into one of the gift bags. "My mother wasn't exactly in a generous mood. She wouldn't let me have the bed or dresser that was in my room."

"So you don't have…."

"No I do. I just had to use the emergency card. I found some furniture at a clearance store and they moved it all in for me the night before I got there." Natalie hadn't wanted to use her card, knowing that she would need it for when it was just her and Tim. Money wouldn't be as tight as before, but it would still be tough.

"Well I'm glad it's all working out for you. I'm just sorry Tim couldn't make it."

Natalie shrugged. "Tim wanted to come but his foster centre has strict rules. No weekend outings until after a month of being there. Plus I think they are worried my mother will try and steal him back. She has called a few times to the centre and threatened them."

"So she is still taking it pretty hard."

"That's an understatement."

After Tim left, her mother stayed in her room for two days and when she finally decided to venture out into the other parts of their home, she went to Tim's room first. Natalie took that moment to tell her the news about her leaving, knowing there might not be a better chance.

Her mother threw a picture at her head asking Natalie how she was suppose to survive.

'That's not my problem anymore.' She knew she should feel bad. Her mother was doomed as soon as Natalie made the commitment to leave.

"Well here is the last of it." Trixie handed her a plastic bag full of trays. "I made you some food to tie you over until you got some groceries."

"Thank you." Natalie couldn't help but reach out and hug the woman tightly. She was the mother Natalie had always wanted in her life, the woman who makes you feel safe, who protects and who sends trays of food home with you.

"Be safe Natalie and come by anytime!" She gave one final wave before hopping into her car and driving away.

Natalie watched until the car was out of her sight and then turned on her heel, heading to the train. She had only ridden it a few times in her life, due to the fact she never found any reason to go far from the neighborhood. She found her heart raced every time she took her seat and the giant metal object began to move.

'So that's it.' Natalie leaned her head against the window. 'I've done it.'

Her mind wandered to her old dreams she had about moving away. The story in her head played out much differently than it was now. Tim was beside her and they were both smiling and laughing. She felt no guilt, only relief, knowing that she had created a new life for herself and her brother.

'The Joker, he did this.' she bitterly thought.

As much as she tried to deny it however, Natalie knew that was only half true. The Joker would have never had an opportunity to mess things up, if she hadn't slaughter Nicki. She cringed at the thought of him on top of her, touching her, laughing at her. It was almost like she could feel his fingers still violating her.

"Next stop King Ave." the operator brought Natalie back as she grabbed her stuff and waited at the door.

The street was quiet as she walked, a quality she wasn't use to in a neighborhood. A lot of the buildings were small shops that had apartments above them. When she first came to look at the place, the street was filled with people who were coming in and out of stores.

Natalie let out a sigh of relief as she caught sight of her building. It was one of the only empty stores located on the street.

It was a quality Natalie had liked about it.

Apparently that wasn't the case for most people. The landlord had looked too pleased to be finally renting out the place, as he handed her the keys.

She reached the door on the side of the building and quickly made her way up the long flight of stairs, making sure the door was locked behind her.

Natalie set everything down at the kitchen table and let herself fall on the couch with a loud thud, glancing around the room.

The place itself wasn't big- the kitchen and living room held no wall to separate the two and the bathroom only had a small shower, toilet and sink. The bedroom was large enough to fit a double bed, a desk and nightstand while her clothing resided in the closet.

All the walls were off white and Natalie had almost managed to get rid of the musty smell that was almost overwhelming when she had first walked in.

"Home sweet home." her voice was dry and flat as she pushed herself off the couch and began to put things away.

But to Natalie, it really didn't feel like home. Deep down, she knew it was temporary and told herself not to get comfortable. Soon she would get Tim back and they would look for a new place together. She was already in contact with the child protection agency and would be starting on paperwork to take custody within the next few weeks.

'Grit your teeth a bare it.' she told herself after everything was put away and she began to get ready for bed. 'This place isn't the greatest but it's for the best.'

She told herself over and over again that being optimistic would be the best thing for her and was doing her best to believe it. Her debt would soon be paid back to the Joker and then she could move on with life. She could forget everything that happened and start fresh, maybe even leave Gotham.

_"Mommy where are we going?"_

The thought came from nowhere. Her mind moved back in time and she was sitting in the back seat of the family care, her mother frantically driving away. Natalie moved to the bed and curled herself up into a ball, shutting her eyes tightly.

_"You think you're better than me? You think you can insult me? I was nice Natalie! I gave you a chance but you couldn't just be a good girl and listen!"_

Her hands were shaking and without hesitation she reached to her nightstand. She grasped the black pouch tightly and ripped it open, pulling out the small razor blade. Yanking down her shorts, she leaned back and felt for an empty spot on her inner thigh. She could feel the sharp tingle against her skin and for a moment, something inside tried to stop her.

'You don't have to do this Natalie! Think about Tim!'

She knew her love for Tim should have been able to overpower the images and a long time ago, she had herself convinced it did. She was just finishing high school and she had choose to ignore the voice and stop cutting. She wanted to be what she saw as a 'strong adult' and a role model for Tim. It last only a few weeks and then, after an argument with her mother, she went all out and gave herself a dozen new scars in one night.

'Once I get Tim back, I am going to stop this. I will start fixing myself and everything will be better.' Her optimism was kicking in again. Natalie truly wanted to believe it with all her heart.

As the blade sliced through her skin she felt an overwhelming relief run through her.

'I am going to stop it.'

This time, she wasn't so sure.

***

"Well this will have to do." she looked at herself in the mirror, running her hands down her outfit, smoothing it out. Her shirt was a creamy color, that touched her elbows and was tucked into her black pencil skirt. Her bare legs were hidden by skin colored tights and she chose a black pair of flats to pull it all together.

'This is not what I am used too.' The diner had always provided the gray shirt and pants she had been required to wear. This was the first time she ever had to make herself look professional and presentable.

"Alright." Natalie took a breath in and gave her best smile in the mirror. "Let's go."

The fews days she had between moving in and starting her first day of work, Natalie had practiced taking the route to make sure she didn't get lost. It wasn't too complicated- hop on the train for seven stations, get off and then it was a minute of two walk to the bank. Natalie was pleased when she arrived at the time she wanted to, despite the fact the train was delayed slightly.

'It's going to be a good day.' she told herself.

She had been directed to a seat in the empty manager's office, waiting to see what her first day would hold. She had met the man only once before, when she was doing her interview, but he seemed nice enough.

"Hello there." a voice came from the door and she turned, giving a small smile. The manager shut the door behind him, strolling over to his desk and taking the seat across from her. "Pleasure to have you Miss Dowling."

"Thank you for this opportunity Mr. Stevenson" She told herself to keep smiling even though her cheeks were beginning to hurt. "I'm very excited to be here."

"Seems like it." he cleared his throat and was about to say something else when there was a knock on the door. When it opened, a shorter woman walked in. Her figure was wider than Natalie's and her hair was a darker shade of blond. "Ah and Natalie here is Marie Little, she will be in charge of your training."

"Good to meet you Natalie, it's going to be a busy day so I hope you catch on quick." her voice was a bit nasally when she spoke, almost like she had a permanent cold.

"I'm hoping so too."

"Alright, run along Natalie. If you have any problems you can come straight to me."

Natalie stood up and followed Marie out of the office, shutting the door behind her.

"Be careful with him, he likes pretty girls." Marie said, still remaining cheery. "Hopefully you're not just a pretty face. You won't last here long."

"Oh um…" Natalie wasn't sure what to say at her bluntness. "No I am here to learn."

"Good. Then we should get along just fine."

The day moved on almost too quickly for Natalie to keep track of. Marie had showed her the ropes and even made her do a few transactions on her own. By the end of it all, Natalie's feet hurt and she couldn't even think straight.

'This is nothing like the diner.' she groaned. 'I thought this would be easier.'

"Well we are all done for the day! You did good Natalie. A few more days of training and you will be on your own in no time!"

She tried to be happy at Marie's words but couldn't find the energy.

It was almost completely dark when Natalie got back to her place. The night was unusually humid she striped down to a thin t-shirt and a pair of underwear. She fell back on her bed with a sigh, not even bothering to go under the covers.

'I guess it's nice being able to do this.' she thought to herself. When she lived with her mother and brother, there was no way she would sleep half naked.

"Time for sleep." she mumbled to herself, feeling sleep pull her away.

_There was more blood than there should have been from just wiping her cheek. Without thinking she ran both hands across her cheeks and then her lips, realizing she was covering in it._

Natalie knew it had been coming but that didn't stop her body from reacting the same way every time. She felt her blood run cold and her hands begin to tremble as she rolled over on her stomach. Her fingers dug into the blankets and her head into the pillow, trying to get the images to stop.

_She found herself straddling Nicki, whose face was contorted in pain but, still. The dozen of marks in his chest made it painfully clear that he was no longer on the same earth Natalie was even though his body was still warm. She eyes moved wildly around until she found the large piece of glass that had fallen from her hands only moments ago._

"Stop, please. I just want to sleep." she begged outloud.

" _What's wrong with daddy?" Natalie reached out for him only to be held back by her mother. The same red substance that pooled around his head were dripping from her mother's hands._

"Stop!" Natalie screamed, lifting her head up and reached out towards her end table. The blade was in her hand as she rolled onto her back again and closed her eyes tight.

"I'll stop once I get Tim back." she spoke out again, rolling her body over and picking a spot for her instrument. She whimpered helplessly every time, ashamed of her own behavior yet anxious to feel her skin break at the same time.

The blade ran through her thigh and the blood was hot on her leg. She let out a sigh of relief and fell back on the bed, letting the razor fall beside the black bag, now back on her nightstand.

"I knew you would be fun." the laughter was loud. "I just didn't know you would be...uh... **this** fun."

She jumped up and looked around for the source of the voice. A chill ran up her spine as she spotted him leaning against the wall at her bedroom door, grinning like a madman.

"Whhh…" the words wouldn't come to her.

He moved towards her and took a seat on the bed. His face was painted like a clown again she couldn't but notice how the red of his painted scars reminded her of her fresh cut. She pushed herself back to the head of her bed, trying to get as far away from his as possible.

"Well things just got a lot more interesting princess."


	7. In For the Kill

"I knew there was something I liked about you!" he giggled while reaching out and tapping her cheek a few times. "You know, I always say that you can tell who a person is by their scars."

Natalie didn't want to look at him- she knew he was still grinning at her, probably getting off on the blood that was still dripping down her thigh. But when the room fell silent, she couldn't help but peek at him.

"See my scars…" he tilted his chin up and turned his face so she could see them clearly. "Everyone can see them! I guess you can say I'm the type of guy who isn't afraid to show his true colors."

He inched closer to Natalie and she pulled her legs up to her chest.

"You princess, hide your scars away. Even though you do them yourself. You don't want people to see who you really are." he reached out and grabbed her shoulder, yanking her closer to him. Their noses were almost touching and he let out a wicked laugh as she finally stared him dead in the eyes and glared.

"You have no idea who I am."

"That's just it!" his fingers dug into her skin. "I know exactly who you are. That night when you were…" he closed his eyes and let out a sigh. "Ramming that knife into that poor excuse for a man. I saw you even if you didn't want me too. That…" he chewed at the inside of his cheek and was looking at her again. "Was the real you."

"That was a mistake." Natalie's words came out quickly. "I didn't mean to kill him."

"Of course you did! You wanted to kill him and you would do it again I bet!"

Natalie glanced over at the wall, avoiding his gaze. She didn't want to talk about this, especially with the crazy clown who seemed bent on making her life miserable.

"What do you want now? I am doing what you asked."

"Well uh...I did come to check on you, to make sure you weren't getting cold feet." a look crossed his eye that Natalie had never witnessed from him before- a look that made her blood run cold and the hair stand on the back of her neck.

"But now I have a better idea."

"What do you…" Without warning Natalie was on her back with him, pinning her down. She couldn't help think back to how Nicki pinned her down and forced a part of him inside of her, violated her womanhood. He saw the look in her eyes and snorted.

"Don't worry princess I'm not going to fuck you today." he licked his lips and reached into her back pocket. "Watching you, slicing your pretty little skin gave me an idea."

'He's going to cut my cheeks…' Natalie trembled at the thought. 'He is going to make everyone see me like they see him…'

He held a knife in front of her eyes and they began to tear up. 'Anywhere but the face.'

Like her prayers had been answered, he pressed the tip to her neck and let it slowly travel down between her breasts, over her stomach and over her old scars. He stopped only a tad below her fresh cut and his eyes got darker.

"Whh…."

"Shut up." he growled looking up at her. "You're ruining this for me."

"Ruining…"

A sharp pain ran through her and she let out a wail of pain. She heard him laughing and mocking her, saying she should be use to the pain he was giving her. She trashed around with only one thing in mind- to get away from him.

Without warning he was on top of her again, pinning her arms. She turned her head away and his fingers gripped her tighter. "Look at me!"

The new tone in his voice made her more afraid than before so she stared into his eyes once more.

"Would you rather me screw you with the knife? Would you?"

Slowly she shook her head no and he seemed to calm down.

"Good. This shouldn't take too much uhh… longer."

Natalie forced herself to sit still as he finished carving into her leg. Her stomach turned as every cut formed a picture in her mind. She wanted to cry out but left her fear in her own head. 'No, no, no.'

"There you go princess," he was off of her now, the sweat running down her forehead and neck. "Something you can remember me by." He looked pleased at his work.

"Now, some friends of mine will be coming into the bank in a few weeks. Trust me, you won't miss them. You are going to get some codes for me to the big vault and leave those numbers on your desk when they come in."

She wanted to ask if he was done with her after that but didn't dare too.

"Night princess."

He slipped out of her bedroom and she heard the front door slam shut.

Shakily Natalie let her hand travel down to her thigh and she ran her fingers over the new cut that would surely leave a deep scar.

She felt the scar she had given herself earlier. The bleeding had stopped but it didn't seem to matter as the skin below was coated in blood. She followed the trail of the wound, ignoring the stinging feeling and choked back sob.

He had branded her with the letter J.

***

The next few weeks went by slowly with Natalie laying awake at night, waiting for the Joker to make his return. It didn't seem to matter that she had installed deadbolts into both of her front doors or triple checked her windows every night.

It took her a few days to realize that it wasn't exactly the fear of him being there. The few encounters she had with him as his normal self was fine. But this last time was different, very different.

'He truly looked crazy.' Natalie thought staring blankly out at the floor.. 'Like he was losing his control.'

Despite knowing him so little, he didn't seem like a man who lost control often.

'The cutting. He was getting off on it.'

She knew it was true, there was no denying it. He took some form of pleasure watching her slice her own thigh open and then carving into it himself.

Without thinking she reached down and ran her finger over the mark above her skirt. The wound had healed perfectly and the scar hadn't faded one bit.

"Natalie Mr Stevenson would like to see you." Marie tapped on her shoulder and she felt her cheeks burn.

Quickly Natalie put up the closed sign on her station and headed to the office of her manager. She knocked gently on the door that was already slightly opened and closed it behind her as he waved her in.

"Well Natalie how has it been going?"

"I've been enjoying it." she took a seat and smiled at him. "It's different from the diner but I am learning a lot."

"That's great!" he sat up in his chair a bit more. "But I must tell you I didn't exactly bring you in here to chat about your progress."

"Oh."

"I was wondering if you would like to join me for dinner on Saturday night."

"You do?" Natalie felt her heart flutter.

"Yes I do and I know you might be worried about the whole work dating thing but you really don't have to worry about it Natalie. I am discreet and no one would have to know."

"This is...unexpected…" she trailed off. Everything in her wanted to say yes if not for just the company of a man for the first time in forever but she knew with her debt still needing to be paid, it would cause more trouble than anything.

"This weekend I am busy…"

"The Saturday after that then. I'll make sure you have the day off."

'If they haven't showed up by then, I will make another excuse.' she told herself.

"That sounds…" she gave him another smile, trying to calm down the excitement that was slowly creeping up on her. 'Wonderful."

"Perfect so next Saturday and I will pick you up at six."

"Sounds good to me. Thank you Mr…"

"When we are in private please call me Will."

"Alright then...thank you Will."

"Not a problem. Now take the rest of the night off."

Natalie took her leave, still wearing a big grin that didn't go unnoticed by Marie whose station had been beside hers. She eyed for a minute and then sighed with a shake of her head.

"I like you Natalie but just be careful." she turned her chair and was looking directly at her. "I told you he like the pretty girls. Do you want to know how many he has taken out?"

"It's dinner Marie. I haven't been out for a dinner with a man in a long time."

"Well if you are smart you make sure it's only dinner and nothing else."

"Don't worry," Natalie picked up a piece of paper off her desk and began to shred it. "It will be."

She gave another sigh as she watched Natalie throw the shredded paper into the garbage. "You should be careful with those numbers and leaving them on your desk like that. I know you said your memory is bad but if someone tries to rob this place, you have all the codes sitting right there for them."

"I'll get the hang of it soon. Promise." It was the excuse Natalie always used but her gut ached. How much trouble would she be in after the Joker's friends took those numbers?

"Have a goodnight Natalie, see you tomorrow!"

The walk home was gut wrenching as always as she was constantly looking over her shoulder for someone to reach out and grab her. But no one did, not that it calmed her fears any.

The night went by slowly and she finally found herself laying in bed, trying to go to sleep with no avail. The memories swirled in her mind and she couldn't ignore it. She stole a glance at the black bag on her bedside table but couldn't force herself to reach in and grab the blade.

'What if he comes back and does worse?'

In a sick way the Joker had helped her by creating a worse fear than all her other memories. It stopped her from creating more scars.

Natalie couldn't help but laugh.


	8. The End

"Here you go!" Natalie handed a piece of paper over to the woman with a smile and said her goodbyes. She liked it best when it was less busy and she got to spend a bit more time getting the know the people she helped.

She gave another smile to Will as he walked by and checked on how everyone was doing. Natalie's heart raced as she thought about what could happen on their date, the fear of messing something up rattling inside her mind.

'It's been so long since I have been alone with a man….' her thought trailed off and her mind wandered to the Joker. She had been alone with him, not that she had wanted to be.

His friends hadn't shown up yet and it put her on edge.

'Maybe he changed his mind. Maybe this was all a trick in the first place to mess with me.' she wouldn't have put it past him. 'He's probably find some sick pleasure from jerking me around too.'

Despite everything Natalie kept the numbers on her desk.

'I don't want to see what happens if I don't have them.'

The rest of the day went by slowly and Natalie occupied her time with puzzle books until she needed to help someone. Marie had even decided to take her lunch early due to the slow paced day.

"I brought you back a drink." she slid an icy beverage in front of her when she returned. "You can grab me something next time."

Natalie took a long sip of her drink, thankful for the beverage.

"Still hasn't got any busier?" Marie glanced at the clock that read 3:00pm.

"This is the most people we had all day." Natalie sighed taking another sip of her drink and turning back to her puzzle book. "Maybe you can head home early?"

"I'm not…"

Suddenly a loud bang rang through the air.

Marie let out a loud scream and tried to crouch behind the desk. More screams rang through the air and that is when Natalie caught sight of them. Three men dressed in suits and clown masks.

'So this is it.' Natalie surprising felt calm and relieved. It was finally happening and all of this madness could be ended. . 'Let's get this over with.'

They demanded everyone come out from behind the desk with their hands up and heads down. Natalie didn't bother to fight and moved herself from her desk quickly, following every instruction that was screamed at her

Marie screamed again and cried out, frozen to the spot. The clown didn't seemed to please as he pointed a gun at her. Marie threw her hands up as the clown man yelled at her. When she wouldn't move, he grabbed her and pulled her over the desk.

That's when Natalie felt someone grab her hands and zip tie them together.

One of the other clowns was still holding onto her as she looked up and found him staring at her. Everyone around her seemed to be shaking but she knew they didn't want to kill her. 'At least that's what I'm telling myself.'

He squeezed her wrists harder. "Where is your desk?"

She knew the voice but in that moment couldn't place it.

"Right behind me." she spoke as softly as possible.

He let go of her hands and jumped up, reaching over her head and plucking up the piece of paper. He shoved it into the other clown's hands before reaching down for Natalie again and dragging her over to the desk to the front of the building.

She watched as the clowns shoved egged shaped objects into everyone else's hands. Marie was still shaking and crying, getting louder as the man came closer to her. She turned her head and little and looked at Natalie who seemed to be the only one not gripping onto anything.

"It's okay." Natalie tried to comfort her but it didn't work.

"Shut up!" the biggest clown yelled at her and walking by, giving her a small kick. Natalie groaned but kept her mouth shut.

"Obviously we don't want you doing anything with your hands besides holding on for dear life!" the clown with a small patch of blue and green hair spoke up as the other clowns finished pushing the grenades into everyone else's hands.

"Stay on the ground!" The biggest one yelled again backing his way closer to Will's office. Natalie watched as if it was happening in slow motion. The larger clown reached out and whipped a man with his gun just as Will began to turn in his chair. "Nobody make a move! Nobody! Stay down!"

As soon as she saw the shotgun she hid back behind the desk she was at. The shot ran through the air and she heard the thump of the big guy falling. The other two clowns seemed to be running away and soon enough on each side of her was a clown, hiding away from Will and his shot gun.

"Do you have any idea who you are stealing from? You and your friends are dead!"

"He's out right?"

The clown, who had now sat beside her, looked up for a moment before nodding.

Another shot rang out and Natalie knew it wasn't from the clown's gun. The blue haired clown stumbled back as the other clown, who had sat beside her, jump up and fired his gun at Will. Natalie peaked her head out at Will's sunken body.

"Where did you learn to count!?" the taller of the two yelled out before taking off towards the vaults. The shorter one paced around the room but ended up standing by her again and watching her. Not being able to see his eyes or face made it all that much more uncomfortable.

The room was silent for what seemed like hours until the other clown began to drag out duffel bags and stacking them together. As he dragged out the last few bags, Natalie heard him chuckling.

"That's a lot of money, if this Joker guy was so smart, he would have had us bring a bigger car."

The droopy faced clown glanced at her, seeming not to care what he had just heard. He only turned back around slowly, when he heard the sound of a gun being cocked.

"I'm betting the Joker told you to kill me as soon as we loaded the cash." he held the gun up, ready to fire.

'So he had them turn all against each other?' Natalie kept herself as far away as possible, afraid of getting caught in some kind of cross fire. The fear was only beginning to set in and she realized that if the guys robbing the bank weren't safe, there was no way she could be.

She expected the shorter clown to fight back or try to get away- something to avoid what was almost certain to happen. Then she heard his voice again and it all clicked.

He sighed and looked at his watch. "No, no, no. I kill the bus driver."

It was him. 'The Joker, he's been here the whole time.'

"Bus driver?" The Joker side stepped and the other clown followed his movements. "What bus driver…."

Suddenly a bus came crashing into the room, slamming into the other clown and flinging him backwards almost directly beside her. She couldn't help but let out a yelp as blood began to pile on the floor around the clown's head.

"School's out. Time to go." a new clown appeared from the back of the bus and shook his head at the dead man. "That guy's not getting up is he?"

The Joker only response was to throw the bags of money towards the new clown who threw the bags into the bus. "That's a lot of money."

Just as the Joker tossed him one of the final bag she could sense the confusion rising in the new clown. "What happened to the rest of the guys?"

Without hesitation the Joker lifted his gun and shot him.

Natalie went wide eyed as he brought his focus back to her. He walked over and grabbed the last two bags, tossing them into the back. Then she heard Will speak up.

"Think you're smart huh?" Natalie peaked back over around the corner just as her manager let out a bloody cough. "The guy who hired yous, he'll just do the same to you. Oh criminals in this town use to believe in things. Honor, respect…"

Natalie saw The Joker reach into his back pocket and pull out something.

"No!" Natalie shouted out before she could stop herself but the Joker seemed unphased.

"Look at you! What do you believe in?" Nothing could stop Will rage- Natalie saw that now. "WHAT DO YOU BELIEVE IN?"

The Joker shoved the object into his mouth. "I believe whatever doesn't kill you simply makes you…" slowly the Joker pulled off his mask with a grin. "Stranger."

Natalie almost let out a sigh of relief as he moved back towards the bus that was until he reached down and grabbed her arm.

"Let's go princess. We don't want to be late."

"What are you doing…." her body trembled as he yanked her towards the bus. "No, no, no!" she kicked her feet up as her back landed on the hard floor of the bus. The Joker shut the door and dragged her to the front with him.

"Time to go!" he sang cheerful, taking the driver's seat and shifted the bus into gear.

"Why did you take me?" she screamed at him. "That wasn't the plan!"

The bus pulled out of the bank and into the long line of school buses. He didn't answer her, only hummed a tune while tapping his hand on the steering wheel. Natalie couldn't stop the anger moving through her. She didn't care about her fear of him or even that he could kill her at any moment.

'He probably had this planned all along!'

"You crazy asshole!" she screeched. "Where the fuck are you taking me? You killed Will and then you took me! Why? WHY?"

"Will?" he giggled. "Oh I see. You think I killed your boyfriend? He isn't dead princess, though I might reconsider now."

"Where are we going?" the tears of anger ran down her cheeks.

"Well you see," he licked at his scar. "I think you are interesting Natalie but you do have a lot to learn." he spoke slowly, like she should be learning something from him. "So I'm taking you home to show you how fun it is to be like me!"

"I'm nothing like you."

He didn't answer her, just reached into his pocket before bringing his hand to her shoulder.

"Look I understand you are a little stressed out. So I think you should take a nap princess." his fake concern didn't fool her.

"I'm not taking a…" the sharp pain in her neck was sudden. She went to say something else but the words go lost on her tongue. Slowly the world began to get blurry and then everything went blank.

Memories came flooding back to her and she wanted to run but her body was frozen to the spot. Over and over again she watched her father's blood run across the floor and looked down at Nicki's frozen face.

Natalie slowly felt herself coming back to the world but her head ached and everything around her was fuzzy. She knew she wasn't in the bus anymore and she could feel the sheets underneath her body.

"Finally awake Sleeping Beauty? I thought I might have to give you a kiss." his laugh made her feel sick. Natalie was surprised when the rage still was coursing through her instead of the fear she should have been feeling.

But he had had her brother sent away, cut into her flesh and now broke his word. She was angry still and wasn't going to stop showing it.

"Fuck you." she wanted to sound strong but the words came out a jumbled mess.

She heard laugh again and then his hand was on her shoulder. She wanted to sit up but there was no energy to do it.

"Uh...Looks like someone is still a little upset." his hand was holding the side of her face now and he bent down to her, close enough that he was in focus. "How about we give you a little bit of time to think." his words over exaggerated every word, his scars turning up with his smile.

Then he was out of focus.

"See you later princess!" his voice echoed as she heard a door slam shut.

Nothing registered in her brain as she felt herself slipping away again.

For once, Natalie fell asleep without any voices trying to keep her awake.


	9. Memories

When Natalie opened her eyes it was dark.

"Don't tell me I slept all day." she groaned holding her head. It felt like she had been punched a couple of times and her mind was foggy. She couldn't remember getting home or even clocking out for the day.

"Marie is going to lose her mind."

She pushed herself up and felt around for her phone so she could see how much trouble she was truly in. Her phone didn't seem to be anywhere near her, not even wrapped up in her bed sheets.

'Why do they feel so weird…'

Then all the memories hit her at once.

'No, no, no!' she wasn't in her own bed and she wasn't even in her own home. The Joker had left her to fend for herself in some weird bedroom. He had said he would come back after she had time to think. The dryness in her throat told her it had been awhile since he had left her.

It took Natalie a few minutes to slowly slide her feet towards the ground and flinched when she touched down, expecting the floor to explode. She stuck her hands out in front of her and walked forward until she stopped at what she assumed was the wall. Another few minutes went by as she moved slowly, running her hands up and down the wall and something hard and cold touched her hand.

'A door!' she twisted it, feeling it click open. She pushed it opened and still found herself in darkness. 'There has to be a switch…' her fingers found it and she flicked it on.

The light flooded the room and she closed her eyes quickly, the brightness burning her eyes like fire. She blinked a few times and rubbed her face hard before everything started becoming clear.

Natalie had hoped the door lead to outside of the room, a hope that she knew was likely not going to happen. When the door had clicked, her heart raced with excitement. But from what she knew of the Joker, she should be happy with the bathroom that was in front of her now.

Her mouth was still dry and her bladder was full. As she went to relieve herself, she wrapped her arms around her chest and realized she wasn't in her bra anymore. She wore what she assumed was a man's tank top and a soft pair of white panties.

'What the hell did he do?' her mind pictured the Joker undressing her and running his hands up and down her body. She shuddered but didn't hold onto the thought for too long knowing it would only make things worse.

She moved to the sink and ducked her head under the water, taking large gulps until her belly ached. She straightened up while wiping away her face before catching a glance at herself in the mirror. Black streaks ran down her cheeks and her eyes were red and swollen. Her hair was straw like and stuck to her forehead.

Natalie let out a groan before stumbling out of the bathroom and taking a look at the room she was placed in. From what she could tell there was one window that had been boarded up and, fairly large bed with silky green sheets. There were two other doors in the room, one which had been for a closet and the other one was locked. Finally she found the light switch that filled the entire room.

She grabbed her head again as a sharp pain started again and threw her body towards the bed, unsure how much longer she could stay standing.

"What am I going to do?" Natalie spoke outloud, falling back onto the sheets and pulling her knees up.

She had heard the stories before of people who had been kidnapped. Some were only held hostage for days and others were with the captor for most of their life. Some of the people lived and some of them died. The ones who were alive by the end, had to do whatever was needed to stay alive.

'But with the Joker it's different. Who knows what he wants with me.'

_"So I'm taking you home to show you how fun it is to be like me!"_

She forced herself not to think what he meant by that. Instead she blankly up, managing to make out a few cracks in the ceiling.

'He will be back soon.' she held her legs closer to her body. 'He has to be.'

Natalie couldn't be sure how much time had past without a clock or the daylight to guide her. The only thing to keep her entertained for the time being was her thoughts. At first she was doing alright, letting her mind wonder what her family and friends were doing, what happened after the bank robbery and so on. But then, like the light switch she had flicked on before, her mind ran to other memories.

_"Let me guess! Out with your whore again? You expect me to be okay every time you come home smelling like that slut?" her mother dropped the plate of food down in front of her causing bits to fall into Natalie's lap._

_"Look who's talking! This is the woman who runs around for days without a word when she will be back!" Her father loosened his tie and slammed his fist down on the table. "You want to talk about my whore? She is standing right in front of me!"_

_"I go out to have fun! Do you expect me to sit here all day waiting for you to come home? All I do is cook, clean and take care of a child! Sometimes I need to have fun too! You just don't understand!"_

_"Here we go again…"_

_Even in her earliest memories, Natalie could remember her parent's accusations flying across the dinner table. The older Natalie got the more time they had spent fighting with each other and the less time they spent taking care of her._

_"You know what? Fine! You win Veronica. I am going to fuck some whore right now! Does that make you happy?"_

_"Well at least we are being honest now aren't we?" she heard her mother grab a bottle from the fridge and pop it open. "Come on let's get it all out why don't you?"_

_"Jesus woman." his heavy steps began to exit the kitchen. "I'm done with this. Have a good night getting drunk you useless piece of garbage."_

It was like they didn't remember she was there. Sure her name would come up in conversations but for the most part, Natalie had felt like a ghost. She wondering how other kids handled living with their parents fighting, drinking and disappearing all the time. That was before she figured out her life was anything but normal.

Time meant nothing to her but it seemed like it had been forever since when she first woke up. She had laid her body across the bed and rubbed her stomach as a grumbling noise filled up the silence.

"Food." her voice cracked and her lips were dry again. She didn't want to think about the last time she had eaten but her body wouldn't let her forget.

Natalie forced herself up again and moved slowly towards the bathroom. Despite drinking more, her body was still like dead weight as she went back to the bed. Her eyes already began to flutter shut as she laid down and soon enough she was fast asleep.

The lights were still on when she woke up.

Slowly Natalie pulled herself from the bed and dragged herself across the room to the bathroom where she gulped the water quickly and shakily relieved herself. Despite her thirst being replenished, her body still felt weak.

She came back to the bed staring at the wall this time, studying each crack and chipped paint. Her dreams had been filled with more memories of her mother and father.

There was a short time in her life when her mother and father were civil with each other. She hadn't remembered anything about it until her dreams had reminded her of the things she fought so hard to forget.

_"Here you go dear. You're breakfast before work." her mother cheerfully set down the full plate of food in front of her father._

_"This looks great!" her father dug in. Natalie watched them and couldn't help but smile. They noticed her too, asked her what she wanted for breakfast and what she wanted to do today._

_Her mother took her to the store and bought some new clothing. Natalie was confused when her mother began throwing in some clothes that were way too small._

_"Mommy these won't fit me."_

_"They aren't for you dear. Don't worry you will understand soon!"_

There were other things Natalie didn't understand about that time, not that anyone every explained it to her. Her mother had stopped drinking and smoking as well, began to clean the house and make sure the fridge was fully stocked. She was making large dinners every night and there was no fighting.

Then it had all changed, almost as quickly as before. One night, a few months after things began to get better, Natalie was being thrown into the car by her father. Her mother sat in the passenger seat, crying out. They were at the hospital for a long time and she watched as her parents hugged each other tightly with tears running down their faces.

From there, it only got worse. Even worse than before.

_Both her parents grabbed bottles from the fridge, drinking them back like water. Her mother would disappear again for longer amounts of time. Her father just sat in his room, drinking himself to sleep while Natalie stared at an empty fridge._

_"I hate you! I hate you!" her mother screamed throwing a bottle at her father's head. "You piece of shit! I knew it! You have another slut on the side!"_

_"You disappear for months at a time with,fucking god knows who! If I was you would have nothing to say about it you stupid whore! Who knows if that baby was even mine!"_

_"Go fuck yourself!"_

_Natalie peaked into the kitchen, watching her mother open the fridge. Her stomach let out a little growl and she took a step back. She was hungry, after not being able to have lunch that day but there was no way she was going to get food and start another fight._

_"Sure keep drinking! No wonder this house is a mess! You're too drunk to do anything!"_

_"Go to your slut!"_

It was only a few months later when Natalie came down and found her mother covered in her father blood. During those weeks, when they moved to Gotham, she started seeing a side of her mother she thought had never existed. A beautiful, charming and kind mother.

But still Natalie couldn't forget all the blood. Apparently neither could her mother whose drinking binges came back worse than ever.

'The blood.'

She grabbed her head, knowing what would happen next. She knew there was no point of avoiding it all but still, Natalie wanted to try. She buried her face into the single pillow and bit down on the fabric.

Her hand shot out, looking for something that wasn't there.

'I don't have my bag.' her body began to tremble and she could feel the sweat running down her back. It had been weeks since she had used it, using everything else to keep her mind occupied. But now there was nothing.

She needed it.

She was losing air quickly, even when she lifted her face and tried to gulp down more. She painfully rolled onto her back and ran her hand down to her thigh. She clawed at her skin continuously leaving red as a ruby.

Then her fingers ran over the J scar. She paused for a moment, feeling her anger slam into her like a train.

"Having fun admiring my...uh work?"

Her body stopped trembling and her fingers stopped moving. She slowly pushed herself to a sitting position, falling back once before succeeding.

He laughed wildly at her struggle and she glared.

"Still have that attitude problem princess? I thought three days would have taught you some better uh... manners." the words rolled off his tongue and he chewed on the inside of his cheek.

'Three days.' Natalie wanted to smile. He hadn't beaten her yet.

"I didn't think manners were required when dealing with a psychopath."

His smile faltered a little and his eye twitched.

"If I'm such a psychopath why did I bring this?" He reached down and grabbed a bag that she hadn't realized was there. The scent filled her nose and her mouth began to water. Her body swayed forward and she reached out without thinking.

"Hahaha it won't be that easy!" He danced towards her, the smell of food becoming stronger. "You're going to do something for me!"

"What do you want?" her voice was weaker now as Natalie realized how hungry she was.

"Get on your knees," he smacked his lips together with every word. "And beg for it."


	10. Smile Like You Mean It

Natalie stared at him, trying to comprehend what he had said. Her eyes were wide and her mouth felt drier than ever. Without thinking she opened her mouth and spewed out the first words that came to mind.

"Go fuck yourself."

He seemed pleased at her response and walked towards her, their bodies were only inches away from each other. "Are you...uh sure that's what you want?"

She was about the respond when her stomach grumbled and she could feel her energy almost disappearing before her eyes.

She was desperate and he knew it.

'You're trying to survive. You need food and you need to keep him happy enough so he doesn't kill you. Just suck it up and do what he wants.'

Her pride ached and for one last second, she hesitated. It wasn't until her stomach growled again did she pick up the pace and drop to her knees. She knew the food was being held above her head and the warm, rich scent of it was filling her nose.

"Can I have some food?" she asked weakly.

"Where are your manners princess?" he waved his finger at her.

"May I please have some food?"

He sat down crossed legged on the bed and patted the spot beside him. When he glanced up at him, he was practically laughing. "Of course. All you had to do was ask."

Natalie's body moved before her mind had a chance to thing. She scrambled to sit up on the bed beside him with her mouth watering like some kind of dog. He pulled out a foam container with a plastic fork stuck in it and handed it over to her. She slowly opened it up and was greeted by a large portion of spaghetti with a red sauce and meatballs.

Natalie knew it could have been poisoned or somehow tampered with but she really didn't care at this point.

"Someone's hungry." he commented while watching her dig into the food.

She almost stopped eating to snap a comment at him but held it back. Natalie hadn't realized how much she loved and missed food until that moment. She wanted to get in as much as possible before he decided to take it away from her.

"Sooooo." he had stayed silent until she put the half empty container back on the bed, unable to shove down anymore. "What did you do while I was gone?"

"Why does it even matter?" Her energy had returned and with that came her memory of how much she loathed the ground he walked on. He had already fed her today, there was no need to play nice now.

'Plus he probably wouldn't like you lying to him.'

He chuckled. "Fine then since you're in such a sour mood, let's play a little game."

She stared wearily at him for a moment, unsure if he was being serious or pulling a trick on her. Her wiggled his eyebrows and she didn't change her expression. She didn't want to play a game, especially with him. She was fine with just eating and glaring at him while he failed at small talk.

"No."

"Come on! It will be fun! We both know you need to loosen up princess."

"Surprisingly I am not in a mood for a game."

"Well this game will benefit both of it! We get to ask one question about each other and the person being asked has to answer truthfully!"

Natalie stared at him for a minute, trying to figure out his plan. She knew he wanted to know more about her, to use it against her but there was also some gain on her end. She could learn more about the Joker and use that to get out somehow.

"Alright I'll do it." she scowled at him. "But only if you answer my question first."

"There we go! See we are already off to a great start! Ask away!" Natalie was still not too pleased on the situation or on his enthusiasm but she was going through with this, even if her mind was telling her not too. She needed to get out of here sooner than later but there was no rushing it or else he would know what she was up too.

"Why did you cut me?"

The question tingled on her lips and Natalie realized she had never spoke about what he had done to her that night. The thought had been there since he had done it but she hadn't expected herself to be so willing to ask it.

Her gut twisted and the food she had just ate threatening to come back up.

"Well you sure know how to kill a mood. I was expecting something a little bit more harder and interesting!" a quick look of disappointment read across his face as he sighed. "But fine, if you must know I did it because I wanted to."

They sat in silence for a few moments and Natalie could feel her frustration with him rising.

"But why did you want to?"

"Why is the sky blue? Why does fire burn? Why do we bleed? I am not a thinker, I just do the things I want." he spoke poetically despite the words sounding like filth to her ears. "Now that one was a freebie. It's my turn now." he licked his lips.

"So what made you want to cut yourself so bad when I came in? You looked like you were in...uh pain."

She took a sharp intake of breath and held it for a few moments.

"No." her words came out shaky. "I'm not…"

"Don't." suddenly his hand grabbed the back of her head and she was staring into the knife. "You don't get to say no princess."

'Suck it up Natalie, you need to stay alive!'' her mind shouted. 'What about Tim! You can't leave him with your mother!'

"I...I saw the blood." she winced at the words as memories were flying back to her. "My father's blood."

"Ohhh." she could see the yellow stains on his teeth and he leaned in a little closer. "What happen to daddy?"

She didn't want to say anymore but she could tell he didn't care if she lived or died. From what little she knew about him, it was certain he wasn't the type of man who would bluff. Natalie swallowed hard, still staring into his eyes.

"He was killed." she bit back on the words that tasted like acid on her tongue.

Then he let her go.

"See was that so hard?" he put the knife away and stood up, brushing off his pants. "Now you be a good girl while I am out."

Natalie couldn't be sure for how long he would be gone and she knew he wouldn't say unless she asked. She knew her wounded pride wouldn't handle many more blows but she needed to know how long until she would see a fresh meal again. It would keep her going.

"When will you be back?" her voice was barely above a whisper.

"Oh don't worry princess." he chuckled opening the door and licking his scar. "I couldn't forget about you. I will be back tomorrow night! I did miss my bed after all!"

"Your…." he slammed the door before she could finish her sentence.

'His bed?' her hands shook.

"What the hell does he want with me?"


	11. Pale

"One, two, three…." she counted out loud while pushing her body off the floor with the palms of her hands. Her skin felt clammy as sweat trickled down from her neck to the small of her back. "...four, five, six..." she gritted her teeth, her arms trembling. "...seven, eight, nine…."

Natalie collapsed to the ground and rolled to her back with her limbs trembling. Every inch of her felt heavy and lifeless. But in her mind, it was all worth it.

'It keeps the memories away.' It was only a few hours, after the Joker left, that she had decided she needed to find a way to keep herself occupied. She knew her dreams were all too likely to be plagued by broken memories she would rather not remember.

'It doesn't mean i have to suffer when I'm awake.' she huffed. ' Though, I'm sure Joker will already have that covered anyways.'

As much as loathed him, she knew playing his game would be the only way have a chance of making it out of her alive. Even being in the room only a few days, he made it clear that is she wanted to be fed or have any other privilege, she would need to get it through him. Still that didn't mean she wasn't going to say what she felt.

Natalie was slowly starting to get a better understanding of him and the way he did things. But he seemed to anticipate every move she made, no matter what it was. He seemed to enjoy it when she spoke her mind anyways. 'So might as well keep him happy.'

"Asshole." she hated that she had to follow his rules because they were so unpredictable. It was one of the factors that put her on edge. With a groan, she slide her arms behind her head and pulled herself up.

'What makes a man turn into someone like that?' she couldn't help but wonder. 'What was so bad that he became this lunatic?'

She didn't want to know and yet, something inside her did. The Joker might be insane but it was hard not to be curious. Not that she would ever admit it to him. If he got ahold of that information he would use it to his own advantage, Natalie was sure of it.

'I'll find his weakness and kill him. That's the only way out of this for good. I've killed before and I can do it again. He is a mad man. I can live with him not being in this world.'

'Nicki was a mad man too.' a voice inside reminded her. 'You still let that get to you. He was going to do worse to you than the Joker has.'

"Shut up." she growled, pulling her body up quicker, despite the burning in her legs. The faster she moved, the quieter the voice got. She wasn't sure how long she had kept up the pace for but soon her body went numb and she fell back hard.

"You might wanna uh...take it a little easier." she titled her head backwards and saw him leaning against the wall, chewing on the inside of his cheek. "Or at least if you're going to kill yourself, let me be here to enjoy it."

She opened her mouth to speak but nothing came out besides a hoarse croak. She hadn't drank anything for awhile and the food had been eaten a long time before. Natalie could feel her stomach turning at the thought of food.

'Don't think about it, you're just teasing yourself.'

She shut her eyes tight and gave a sigh, feeling her body slowly relax.

Suddenly she was cold and wet.

Natalie jumped up with a yelp and realized what had happened. He was in front of her now with a empty plastic cup in his hand and a cheeky grin on her face. For a moment, she had forgotten he was there once she was finally able to relax. Having someone else in the room with her had somehow taken the edge off.

All of it made her feel sick.

"Well it got you up." He didn't seem to care much as he walked over the bed and began to pull off his shoes, humming to himself while he did it. He turned to her as he pulled off his green vest leaving him in only a purple dress shirt and dark green pants.

"Uh...you hungry?" he grabbed the plastic bag from the ground and shook it a little.

Natalie wished she could have refused his offer but knew there was no way she could. Her stomach let out a loud growl and she slowly made her way beside him and took a seat. He handed her another plastic spoon and a paper box that had chinese writing on it.

She stared down at the brown rice and dark colored meat for a few moments before dipping her spoon in and taking bite. She closed her eyes and couldn't help but let out of sigh, realizing how she missed the taste of asian cuisine.

They ate in silence which, Natalie found herself grateful for. She had only managed to finish off half of her meal, folding up the top corners of the box and placing it on the small desk beside her. She waited for him to finish, not sure what else she could do.

He seemed to take his time, not caring that she was watching him eat. He emptied his box and threw the container back into the plastic bag.

Without a word he stood up, went to the bathroom and shut the door. Shortly after she heard the sound of water running. She focused on the sound of the water falling, praying that her mind wouldn't wander around like it usually did.

She hadn't even realized the water stopped until he stepped out of the bathroom.

'He looks so normal.' it was hard to believe that under his makeup there was a man but here he was, staring her right into the face. His scars would be considered less frightening without being highlighted in crimson and she could see the brown color of his eyes without the black around them.

'Woman would still find him attractive.' the thought came to her unintentionally as she caught sight of his arms, that were stronger than she realized. 'Even with his gashes.' He was dressed more casually than before, in a green t-shirt and what she suspected was boxer shorts.

Had she not seen him walk into the bathroom, Natalie may have not even suspected it wasn't even the Joker.

"Like what you see?" His grin brought her back to reality and she turned away. "Uh...might wanna take one yourself. Haven't you looked in the mirror? You're a mess."

He was egging her on. She wasn't going to bite.

"I have no clothes." she turned back to him. "Just these."

He walked over to the closet down and opened it up, pulling out something and tossing it to her. She held it up and looked at it for a moment before standing up and waltzing into the bathroom and shutting the door behind her.

'He wants me to wear his clothes.' she wanted to throw it back in his face but she knew what the alternative was. 'That's not happening.'

So she showered quickly, using the soaps he had left and pulled on her underwear and his shirt. She was still without a bra, something she was slowly starting to get use to despite the awkwardness of it all.

It was dark in the room was off but she could see him still from the small pool of light coming from the bathroom. He was staring at the ceiling with his arms behind his head. She waited at the bathroom door until he finally looked at her and patted the spot beside him.

"Well lay down." he told her when she only sat.

She laid out on her back, her body stiff as a board.

"Let's play our game again!" he cheerful said, rolling over and circling his around her waist. He turned her to the side and pulled her back against his chest speaking into her ear. "Ladies first."

Natalie couldn't think straight with the feeling of his arms around her. Apart of her wanted to claw at his arms and tear herself away but the other was grateful for the human contact. She didn't know how long she had been locked in the room for or how long she had been without seeing anyone but him.

"Clocks ticking princess." his breath was hot against her flesh and she knew he was getting impatient with her.

"What's your real name?" Natalie wasn't sure where the question came from and he seemed taken aback as well. He didn't answer right away, like usual. She could hear him smacking his lips together as he thought, the minutes ticking by.

"Jack." there was something different in his voice as he spoke his name. His tone wasn't cocky and he wasn't angry either. It was almost as if the real man behind the Joker had came through even for just a moment.

"Jack." she repeated quietly. Natalie could have sworn his arms was squeezing tighter against her.

Then he was back to normal.

"My turn." the tip of his tongue grazed her skin as he licked his lips. "Tell me about the first time you cut yourself."

"I…" He always found the hard questions to ask, making her gut twist and turn at the thought of answering them all. She didn't want to answer him but she knew there was no choice. He had played the game and answered her question. There was no way out.

"I had to go away for a school trip for a few days and when I came back I found my mother passed out and Tim in the crib, wailing like he was in pain. It looked like he hadn't been changed or fed. When I woke my mother up, she just asked why I hadn't come home in three days, like it was my responsibility to take care of my brother. I remember being furious as I usually was. But the landlord had told my mother if I punched any more holes into the walls, we would be kicked out. So I went to the bathroom and found a razor. I just..started cutting I guess."

It was only when she finished that Natalie realized she had been holding her breath. She didn't mean to tell him that much, only wanting to say a short and sweet answer but, when the story began to leave her lips she couldn't stop it. It was like his question had opened the flood gate she had to quickly build back up, before too much came out.

Suddenly something sharp was against her chest and she froze.

"I don't sleep without it." he pressed his blade down slightly into the skin above the right side of her breast where his shirt didn't cover. "I don't like movers either. So try not to squirm too much. We wouldn't want any problems." his words reminded her of a snake.

Despite the exhaustion that had came to her, Natalie sat wide eyes and still for a long time, afraid of pulling away from him in her sleep. But she couldn't fight it forever.

Her eyelids began to droop, no matter how hard she fought it.

Then she was out.


	12. Here's A Lullaby To Close Your Eyes

He was gone.

It had taken Natalie a few minutes to realize where she was and whose bed she was in. She had half expected the Joker to still be beside her, pulling her against him, when she woke up. Her heart dropped when it came to her that she was alone once again.

It wasn't that she missed him. It was just, for a second, she felt like he was another human in the room with her. When he was like that, she found the strength to deal with him and felt herself more at ease.

Natalie pushed her body up and cringed as a sharp pain ran through her. She moved slowly again and felt something wet and hot rolled down from her chest, past her navel and to her inner thigh.

Blood.

Slowly she looked down and felt her eyes go wide as the fresh wound stared back at her.

'How did I not notice when it happened?' she ran her finger over the space outside of the cut before standing up and heading towards the bathroom. Since there was nothing but the basic necessities, Natalie was forced to use sheets of thin toilet paper and warm water to clean the off blood from herself.

'It could have been worse.' she told herself. 'It could have been much worse.'

Her fingers froze when she heard the door open and shut. She quickly made her way into the bedroom and saw him standing there with a plastic bag in his hand and a smirk on his face. The smell of bacon was unmistakable and her mouth began to water.

"Well that looks worse than before." he stared at the cut.

"I think it might need stitches."

"It doesn't need stitches princess.." his eyes were still locked on the wound on her chest. "But you have a nasty habit of not listening, so we will see."

"What is that suppose to mean?"

"I told you not to move and clearly…" he licked his lips, finally bringing his eyes back up to her. "You moved."

'He's blaming me.' Natalie could feel the volcano of anger returning. All the feelings she felt before, about him appearing more human and kinder, went out the window. She knew now this was all just a game to him and that made her hate him even more.

"You did this, not me." she glared at him, raising her voice. "You choose to hold that knife up to me last night."

"I didn't hear you fighting it much."

Without thinking Natalie moved until she was right in front of him. She couldn't take it anymore. He spoke to her like she had chosen to be locked in a room with him for all this time or that she wanted to spend time with him.

"You wanted me to fight when there was a crazy man waving a knife less than a foot away from me. You want me to say what I am feeling right? Fine then, I hate you, I hate this place. I miss my home. I am not an animal you can keep caged! I would rather die than spend another second with you!"

His smile had disappeared from his face and he was no longer acting like he had the upper hand. His expression was cold, almost like when he cut her in the apartment and branded her. But something else was there instead of the arousal.

He was angry.

Suddenly, he reached out and dug his fingers into her shoulder. She expected him to say something to her, even reach out with his knife and slash her. Natalie found herself fighting to stay strong, but his lack of words and barely any physical response made it hard for her to breathe. She closed her eyes, expected the worse to happen, all her strength gone like her breath.

Then he let her go.

Slowly she opened her eyes just to see him slamming the door and locking it again.

Natalie expected her heart to stop racing or her nerves to calm but they didn't.

'I don't understand.' she was trying to put the pieces together in her mind. She had always been able to gauge a person's reactions after knowing them for even a bit. It was how she was able to stand her mother for so long. She always knew what was to come so Natalie never was hurt when it happened.

But he didn't do any of that and was always unpredictable. It's what made her feel the most uneasy about him.

"Whatever I don't even care. Good riddance." she mumbled to herself wishing he would never return. "I would rather die alone than with him."

Natalie found herself continuing with her exercises, just like the day before. Push ups, sit ups, lunges- all the things from gym classes back in high school, she thought she would find no use for. She was more determined than ever to prove that she was okay to be by herself, that she didn't need anyone to survive. Even the sharp pain from her cut didn't stop her.

That lasted for awhile.

Soon enough, her body was giving out even with the large amounts of water she tried pouring into it. She collapsed on the bed thinking back to the plastic bag of food the Joker had taken with him. Her stomach growled and gurgled as her mind began to imagine what he could have brought her to eat.

'Stop it.' she mentally kicked herself. 'It will only make it worse.'

But she couldn't help herself, especially not without pushups or situps to keep her mind occupied. She pictured herself chewing the food, savoring every bite the best she could and stuffing her belly so full, she would feel like she was going to be sick.

Then just like that, something within her daydream pulled her thoughts away to the memories she so desperately was trying to avoid.

"Hello?" Natalie glanced around the oddly quiet house. She had just come home from school, expecting to find Tim in his playpen in front of the tv and her mother with a drink in her hand. But there were no bottles laying around the the playpen wasn't even set up.

'Maybe his grandmother kept him another day.' Tim's father didn't see him much but his mother made it a point to try her best to be in Tim's life. Her mother was pleased and gladly shipped her child off for a week here and there. Natalie wasn't so thrilled at first but she knew anywhere was better than where she was now.

The light on the answer machine caught her eye as it flashed repeatedly. She dropped her bag beside the phone and clicked the button to start the messages. The first few were from debt collectors and social assistance but the last one was not what she expected to hear.

"Hello Veronica is Michelle calling. I came to your home to drop Tim off like we discussed but no one answered the door. I don't mind keeping him some extra time but I need to know first. I did have an appointment today I had to cancel…" Natalie pressed the delete button and looked back towards the door. Her mother's shoes were there as well as another pair she didn't recognize.

'She has a boyfriend over.' Natalie couldn't help but feel angry. 'The woman would rather screw some man than take her son.'

She stormed off towards her mother's room, ready to throw whoever was with her out. It didn't seem to matter how old the men were, they always ran out when Natalie burst through the door, screaming at her mother to get up.

"Yo V, wake the fuck up would you?" a male voice echoed from her mother's room. There was panic in his voice as his tone grew louder. "Veronica! Veronica! Shit!"

Natalie was already at the door, throwing it open as the tall man pulled up his pants and turned quickly to her with fear in his eyes. He grabbed his shirt and with one finally glance towards her mother, ran from the room and out the front door.

"Mom get up." Natalie moved towards the bed waiting for her mother to stir. "Mom come on! You forgot about getting Tim today!"

She took another step and stopped when her foot landed in something sticky. Someone had thrown up awhile ago and never bothered to clean up the mess, adding fuel to Natalie's fire. She reached out and grabbed her mother hard, shaking her.

"Get up now!" a few more shakes and still nothing. Something wasn't right, Natalie could feel it.

"Mom!" Natalie continued to shake the woman's body with no success. She looked over at the table and saw a pile of pills, all different shapes and sizes laying out for the world to see and an ashtray full of half smoked cigarettes.

Her mother wasn't breathing and her skin wasn't as warm as it should have been.

For a moment, Natalie saw her way out. She could let her mother die, right here and right now. Tim would be safe if she could convince her grandmother to take him and offer herself up as free help, if they took Natalie too. It could be that easy.

But she couldn't let herself be that person. She wasn't a killer and as much as her mother deserved to die, she wasn't letting that happen on her account.

"Dammit!" she picked up the ashtray and threw it at the wall. She ran back out into the living room and picked up the phone dialing the emergency number begging them to hurry.

Natalie couldn't help but laugh. She had tried so hard to be a good person. She could have let her mother die that day, she could have had some kind of normal life and given Tim a better life in the long run. But she swore she would never be a killer.

"What a joke." her laughter was dying down but was slowly being replaced by a surge of rage she couldn't ignore. With her head in her hands, she pulled her knees up and rocked herself back and forth.

"Make it stop…" she didn't have the energy to handle this and she didn't have the will power. There was no distraction, no way out of it all.

'I could have changed it all. Tim wouldn't be in foster care and I wouldn't be locked in some room by myself! It's my fault, it's my fault!'

Her fingers were clawing at her thighs, pulling at the skin, praying for her flesh to break open. She missed her blades, the relief of having all her pain rush out at once through a fresh cut.

Then it came to her, she already had the wound she was desperately seeking.

She reached up to her chest, scratching at the wound that had stopped bleeding hours before, letting out a sigh of relief as the blood started to run past her breast and down her stomach. She peeled some of the flesh back, happily feeling the pain it caused.

"That's better…" she mumbled as her eyes fluttered closed.

She had finally got true relief.

Now she could rest easy.


	13. Make Damn Sure

'I hate you! I hate this place! I miss my home!'

He had stormed down the stairs, ready to leave the hell hole he was living in for the time being, when one of his men stopped him. He had thrown the man against the wall, kicking him over and over again before slicing his throat. He deserved everything he when he tried to stop the man with a mission. At least that's what Jack told himself.

That was two days ago and he couldn't even step foot up the stairs.

"Boss…" of the men spoke up, his hands shaking in fear remembering what happened to the other man. "You better watch the news."

He turned his attention to the TV screen where a few other goonies were watching, some drinking back beers and other twitching with excitement. Clips of Harvey Dent and Jim Gordon flashed by and then finally a picture of Lau took their place.

'I told them so.' he couldn't help but giggle at the thought at the mobster's faces when they realized Lau had squealed just like he knew he would. For a second, the pure pleasure of knowing his plan was going according to plan took away his anger.

But only for a second.

"So what is upstairs boss?" one of his youngest followers leaned onto the back of the couch. "We thought we heard someone screaming. Sounds like a girl."

"You got a girl upstairs boss?" most of these men could only dream of touching a woman like Natalie. Tall, blond, piercing eyes and a feisty attitude- they wouldn't last more than a few minutes with her.

'Especially if you catch her in the wrong mood.' he thought back to when he first saw her- eyes widened with fear as the Italian fool was on top of her, violating her. He was going to turn, knowing it was better to stay out of it until he heard her scream.

"You bastard! You think this is funny now?"

She had flipped him over and drove a piece of glass into the man without any hesitation. Her eyes were glazed over and her cries were hard and animalistic. Even when the man was clearly was dead, she didn't stop, the blood spraying all over her body and hair.

It was beautiful.

But he came to learn, that wasn't even the half of it.

At first he only wanted to help her because he knew she might provide some entertainment he so desperately craved and for the most part, he had fun toying with her. It was never his plan to take her and keep her locked away. Even when he made the call to get her brother pulled out of her home, it was never his intention.

"Boss you okay?"

He didn't bother answering, just turned away and left before they could ask him anymore questions. He didn't want to be annoyed even more than he already was and them just being there was almost too much.

The thoughts of Natalie wouldn't stop popping in his head and he hated it.

She appeared at the right time when he needed someone in the bank and the chips all fell into place. He found her amusing but wasn't going out of his way for her, even when it came to disposing of the man's body.. After their first few meetings, he was beginning to lose interest and then she sucked him back in without even trying too.

He had snuck into her house to make sure she wasn't going to back out, let her know the plan was still in place in the most amusing way he could. But then when he saw her and what she was doing to herself, everything began to change.

"Stop, please. I just want to sleep."

Her heard her begging out loud and at first he thought someone was there. He almost turned away until her heard her speaking again.

"I'll stop once I get Tim back."

The urgency in her voice peaked his interest and he poked his head into her open bedroom door. His heart began to race and his blood was pumping faster at the sight. Her legs were bare and spread wide and in her hand was a razor blade, pressed up against her scarred skin. She sliced her skin open, letting out a moan of relief as the blood began to trickle down her leg.

He almost couldn't speak at the scene before him. It was like the last present under the Christmas tree that you hadn't seen hiding in the back and you just knew it was the one you wanted the most.

It was then he really saw how fucked up she was, just like him. The only difference is she didn't understand how freeing it was to let people truly see who you were, scars and all. He wanted to be the one to show her it all.

That's when his obsession began.

In that moment, he couldn't stop himself from holding her down and watching her skin split open by his own hand. He remembered how she squirmed, trying to fight him off and it took everything in him not to rip her panties down and make her take it from him.

He didn't believe in taking a woman by force. In Jack's mind it was shallow and unnecessary. Cutting them a little bit was one thing, but forcing a piece of him inside of her was another. With Natalie though, it took all of his strength not to take what he wanted from her.

He wanted her to beg for it from him, moan his name from pleasure and not screaming at him to get off of her.

Jack had it all planned out in his mind, despite trying to be the man who never had a plan.. He felt like an eager school boy waiting for his new toy to arrive. He thought she would take to him right away and be glad that he got her away from the horrible situation. He expected her to fall into his arms, begging him to never leave his side again. She was like him in so many ways that he just expected her to see it right away.

So when she didn't, it hit him like a ton of bricks. He had, of course come prepared for when he took her from the bank, expecting her to be in shock and confused what was going on. But when she woke up, still cross with him, he didn't know what to do.

Hiding his true emotions seemed easy enough as he ran away, leaving her locked away for three days. He hadn't meant for her to be left so long, but his mind was racing, searching for way to make his fantasies come true.

No other woman had affected him like this before. He had given up on finding someone a long time ago. If it wasn't his scars that scared them away it was his needs and compulsions that would make them pack up and run. He always told himself he was alright with it, never expecting to meet someone who could have potential to understand.

'This is disgusting.' he told himself. 'All this for some woman.'

He had bigger things to worry about, working with the mod, dealing with Batman and the Gotham PD. Yet his mind couldn't get past the fact that Natalie had told him how much she hated him and how much she despised where she was.

'How could she hate where she was? The hell hole she came from was suffocating her yet she would rather go back to it.'

He found himself on the rooftop of the building right above where his room was. He leaned back on his arms and looked up at the blue sky and the clouds that rolled by quickly. He wasn't a man who liked staying still but all the thinking he had been doing made him feel sick and need a moment to stop moving.

Jack wasn't really good at showing and dealing with his feelings of anger, lust and rejection, usually his humorous side taking over by that point. He knew he pushed her too far sometimes with his jokes but he couldn't help himself. It was who he truly was, just with a little more kick to keep him going.

He also knew Natalie hated it.

In a way, deep down, he knew she would reject him because of the situation he put her in yet, he had no idea how to work around it.

Why couldn't she see how he was trying to help her?

He chewed on the inside of his cheek, searching for ways in his mind to work things out. He knew there would be nothing else he could do until he got all of this mess sorted out. Before it was easy enough pushing it aside when meeting with the mob but now it was like a parasite eating away at his brain.

'You need a new approach.' his mind finally came to the conclusion. 'She only sees you as a monster. You have to make her see that you are like her.'

"But how." he was chewing on his lip this time and finally clueing into the fact that the sky had began to darken and the sun was beginning to set. He had wasted a day, thinking about how to get Natalie to like and understand him.

"This really is disgusting." he made his way back downstairs and into the house to see his henchmen still sitting there, staring at the TV. He shot a few orders at them and they moved quicker than he had ever seen. He would have them take care of the minor things while he dealt with Natalie for the morning before leaving to take care of business.

Slowly he made his way up the old stairs and walked to the end of the hallway where the locked door sat. The light was still on a for a moment, he thought she was still awake even after all of this time. He put his best face on and opened the door, surprised to see her sprawled out on the bed.

He moved towards her and stopped when he caught sight of her chest where his knife had cut her. The skin had been peeled back and torn even more leaving a cut that would now, in fact, needs stitches. Her fingers were stained with blood and her thighs had deep red scratches in them, showing the evidence that she had done this herself.

He ran his hand through his hair and glanced over her body, realizing how much weight she was beginning to lose. Her stomach that had once had a thin layer a pudge on it now looked awkwardly thin and her hip bones stuck out more than before.

She may have only been with him for about a week but it was clearly hitting her harder than he anticipated.

'I will show her.' he told himself, while washing the makeup from his face and peeling away the excess clothing he wouldn't need. 'I will show her that it isn't so bad to be like me.'

He curled up beside her, pulling out his knife and trying to hold it as far away from her wound as hadn't lied to her when he said he didn't sleep without out. It was his one of his compulsions that he wasn't able to get away from.

He would make her see things clearly, he would make her look past all his flaws and want him like he so desperately wanted her. It was a promise he made to himself the moment he decided to take her.

After all, he was a man of his word.


	14. Something There

Someone was touching her. Their hand was holding her in place while the other was touching around where her cut was. At first. Natalie thought it was all a dream until she something wet being poured on her and then her cut was stinging.

"What the…" she tried to sit up as she opened her eyes but whoever was holding her down, seemed to be overpower her without much force. Then she saw him clearly, with a needle and thread in hand, so focused on her cut that he didn't even look at her as she struggled.

"It needs stitching." The Joker pushed the needle through her skin and began pulling both side back together, closing the wound up tightly. Natalie looked around, trying to focus on anything else but nothing seemed to work.

"So what happened?" he asked her suddenly and calmly, still focused on his own work.

She didn't want to answer, still wanting to be angry at him from before but everything in her body felt weak and her mind was clouded. All the energy she would have used to make up some kind of lie had left a long time ago.

"I couldn't stop it…" she cringed again as the needle poked through a tender spot. "I couldn't stop the memories from playing out in my head."

"About what?" his voice was flat and he still wouldn't look at her. This wasn't the Joker she was used too and perhaps that's what made it easier to be completely open and honest with him about things.

"This time, it was my mother. She overdosed one time and I found her."

"Here I thought she was just a drunk."

Natalie studied him for a moment, still feeling weak and more open to converse. "How much do you know about me?"

A small smirk crossed his lips. "More than you realize."

Her mind felt woozy again and her stomach coiled into a ball. She groaned and closed her eyes tightly. "Yet I know nothing about you."

"You know enough." he finished pushing the needle through the last time and looked back, admiring his work. His eyes finally met hers and she realized that his makeup was gone and his Joker persona left with it. "Let's just say I understand all about your little compulsion. I've learned a long time ago that it doesn't make you weak. It makes you have thicker skin."

"What is yours?" she sat up in the bed, her hands shaking.

He finally gave her his traditional wide grin before reaching over and pulling up a white bag that Natalie could tell had food in it. She began to hold out her hands, reaching out for it, without even realizing what she was doing.

He pushed it to her waiting palms before answering. "I like knifes and I like to cut things."

She pulled out the small box from the bag and opened it up slowly. Her mouth was watering when she realized he had brought her pizza and her favorite kind as well. She knew the flavor well, it was from the same place her and Tim had usually ordered from. Thinking of her brother made her heart feel like stopping.

'Is he okay without me?'

The Joker wasn't looking at her this time when she looked up. Instead he was staring blankly at the wall, chewing on his bottom lip and twirling a knife between his fingers. She looked back down at the pizza and back at him, trying to put the pieces together in her mind.

'Is this his way of…apologizing?' she wouldn't bring it up, worrying about the backlash from him, even if she was right. She stuffed her face a few more times before clearing her throat and getting his attention. For some reason her heart was pounding.

"So is that how you got your scars?"

He turned to her sharply, his eyes narrowed for a moment. "You really want to know?"

She nodded, her curiosity was getting the best of her.

"When I was younger, I got married to my childhood sweetheart. We were making ends meet until she decided to go gambling with her friends a few times a month and then once a week. Soon enough she wouldn't even come home and that's when I found out she was in with the loan sharks pretty deep."

Entranced in his story, Natalie didn't notice herself leaning forward, eyes widen as she waited for him to continue.

"One night they came to our home, after she stopped making payments because we didn't have the money. They went after her with a knife and I tried to protect her. She begged them not to kill me and instead…" he held up his face, pointed the knife at his scars. "...they did this to my face while she watched and begged them to stop. Right after that, they killed her and left me to bleed out."

"Wow." For a moment, Natalie actually felt sorry for him.

"Some of us, don't get a choice on the scars we get. I didn't choose mine so why should I be ashamed of them? I tried to hide them at first, after I realized that people thought I was a freak and soon enough I figured out that it didn't matter what they thought."

Natalie didn't realize that he had slid something over to her hands until she felt the coolness at the glass against her fingertips. She glanced down at the bottle of dark liquid she recognized well from her mother's bottles.

"Why are you giving me this?"

"Well usually people drink it."

She met his eyes once again, still confused by his actions. "I don't drink."

"Are you scared you might end up like mommy?" he taunted her before throwing back his head with laughter. Slowly he was beginning to return to the man she knew him to be. Natalie was almost shaking, furious at her own thoughts.

'You thought he was apologizing!' her inner voice was chastising her.

"Look princess." he placed his hands on the bottle again, giving it another shove into her. "You need to just bite the bullet and get it over with. You need to live a little." he let the last few words fall from his lips slowly.

Before she could say another word, he stood up and headed to the bathroom and appeared a few minutes later with fresh make up on his face and a clean outfit. As he tightened his tie he glanced over at her. Natalie was watching him, still with a bottle in hand.

"I have things to do for the next few days princess so I won't be around. Be a good girl and don't tear yourself apart too much."

Natalie's eyes widen in a panic and she opened her mouth to speak but words didn't come out. She was going to be alone again with nothing but water and whiskey to survive on. Despite its fullness, her stomach growled at the thought at being hungry once again.

"You know…" a small smirk crossed his lips and his tongue began to dart out of his mouth. "You really do look hopeless like that."

'I'm going to starve to death.' She knew she was getting thinner and weaker with each day passing.

He opened the door and took a step out before turning back to her, still wearing a smirk. "I did leave some food for you beside the bed. So stop looking so pathetic." Then he slammed it shut and she could hear the lock clicking.

Natalie let out the breath she didn't even know she was holding. Quickly she glanced over his side of the bed and almost started crying at the large grocery bag stuff with an assortment of snacks. It wasn't the most nutritious selection but, it was something to put in her belly.

'Things will be easier with food.' she told herself. 'No more being over exhausted and losing control.' Without thinking, she glanced down at the bottle in her hand beside setting it down hard on the end table, staring into it.

"Maybe he is right…" she couldn't help but think it. The only reason she chose not to drink was because of not wanting to end up like her mother. 'Too late for that.'

"This is a trick." she spoke out loud again. "It has to be."

'Why would he want to help me?'


	15. So Far Away

The first day went by easier than any other day she had in her new home. She had a good supply of food which, gave her enough energy to exercise and kept her mind focused and away from her memories. She even managed to get a shower in, wiping away all the sweat she had built up on her body from working out. After her shower, Natalie hesitantly opened the closet she had seen the Joker in and reached out for a t-shirt.

"Well maybe if he would get me some clothing."

She walked over to the bed and laid down, looking towards the end table with a sigh. The bottle he left still sat there, taunting her like a bully. She had caught herself looking at it throughout the day with a sense of worry falling over her.

'Would I be like her?' she asked herself, thinking about her mother. 'How did it start for her? Did she expect to end up the way she is now?'

Natalie wasn't even sure how her mother was doing or her brother. She hadn't thought of it once, what her family and friends were thinking about her disappearance and how they were handling it. Things were easier to get through the day without thinking about it.

"I'll be home soon." she told herself.

But the thing Natalie wasn't sure how things would change when she did return. Even if the short amount of time she had been in this place, she knew something inside her was beginning to morph into something new.

Whether that would be good or not, Natalie didn't know.

She slept soundly for the first time in awhile, figuring it was due to having a full belly and a day of peace. Things were beginning to look up and she let herself start to feel more comfortable in her surroundings. There was no urges to cut herself or pull at the fresh stitches the Joker had given her.

Waking up in the morning with food ready to eat was almost like a dream come true to her. She snacked on some chips, sitting crossed legged on the bed, counting the cracks in the wall.. She felt awake, refreshed and ready to start the day even if it was only going to be full of push ups and sit ups. That wasn't going to stop her from enjoying the time she had alone and full.

She had been so focused on her counting and optimism, she didn't even realize the door was being opened until a strange man stood in the room, shutting the door behind him. Natalie twisted her body, unsure whether this man being here was a good or bad thing.

'Maybe he is here to save me.'

"So this is what he's hiding." The tall man mumbled to himself. His large belly hung out from his dirty white t-shirt and his pants were ripped in most places. His head was completely shaved but his face was covered in bushy brown hair.

"Who are you?" Natalie stood up, turning to him while keeping her distance.. "What do you want?"

"The Joker sent me." he grinned from ear to ear. "He wanted me to teach you a lesson."

Even as he spoke the words, Natalie's gut told her this man was lying. She knew the Joker, he wasn't a man who sent other people to do his dirty work. Had the man come days before, she would be more likely to believe him but something was wrong, she just knew it.

"I don't believe you." she took a step back, still keeping her guard up. "He wouldn't send you here for that. He would do it himself."

His gut rumbled as he let out a hearty laugh. "Smart and pretty. I knew there was something good up here."

"What do you want?" Any hope that she had in this man helping her get free was long from gone as, she watched him slowly pull a knife from the back of his pants. He licked his lips, holding the blade up and moving towards her.

"At first I wasn't sure but now seeing you, I think I have a few ideas." As he advanced on her, she continued to step back until she was up against the boarded window. Natalie felt her heart beating rapidly and her mind racing, unsure of what she should do.

"You were so tough before too." he reached down for her. "I thought you were going to be more of a challenge."

'What do I do? I can't get away from him.' her mind was screaming.

Suddenly, as if something clicked inside of her, Natalie bolted away from him, over the bed and towards the bathroom. She managed to get inside the room and shut the door, digging her heels into the ground to hold it shut when she felt the tug from him, trying to get it open.

"I can't be any worse than the Joker!" he taunted. "I'm sure he fucks you all the time!"

'Is that all men think about?' she asked herself frantically. 'How they would like to fuck me, even if I don't want too?'

Another part of her mind chimed in. 'At least the Joker hasn't tried anything.'

Natalie never expected herself to wish for him to be there, but in this moment she was silently begging whatever god there was, for Joker to appear. Even as she began to lose her grip on the door, she couldn't help but cry out his name, hoping he could hear her.

'I don't know what to do! I don't know what to do!' she felt the hot tears running down her face as the man reached his arm in, swinging at her wrist with his blade. The first cut was short and barely bleeding but the second one ran from one side of her arm to the other, gushing out blood and sending Natalie flying back, hard against the toilet.

"Alright girly, as much fun as that was, you have me all ready to go now." he was standing over her, towering over her like a giant. Natalie focused her gaze on him only for a moment until she set her sights on the knife that was in his hand.

'Get it!' her mind shouted. 'Knock it out of his hand!'

"I can't." she whimpered out loud.

"Can't what?" the man was leaning down her, grabbing a chunk of her hair and yanking it towards him. "Can't fuck me? If you can suck the Joker's dick, I'm sure you can do anything. Did he cut your pretty thighs too? He's probably screwed you with his knife and you just took it didn't you?"

He reached down for his pants, freeing himself and moving closer to Natalie. For a moment, something changed and it was Nicki's face she saw looking down on her. She remembered the way he tried to force himself inside of her, laughing while he did it.

'You took care of him, so show this asshole what you are made of.' her dark voice was taking over and the adrenaline began to pump through her veins like it was a part of her blood. She eyed the knife again and heard him laughing still.

"Open wide girly."

There was no more second guessing, Natalie just acted on pure instinct. She curled her hand into a ball and shot her first towards him, hitting him between the legs and sending him on his back. The ground shook as he landed, holding his member and the knife went flying.

"Fuck you!" he cried out. "You stupid bitch!"

Natalie couldn't hear him, she was already diving for the knife he had carelessly let go of. The handle of the blade felt almost too perfect in her hand and she moved back to him, standing over him just as he did to her.

"What are you going to do with that?" he laughed, despite his disadvantage. "You going to try and hurt me?" he taunted her again.

He doubted her and that was his mistake. Natalie knew what she was capable of, even if she hated to admit it. She chose to feel physical pain and liked it, she chose to kill a man before and was living with the consequences.

'What's one more man? Especially one that deserves it.'

She crouched down, sinking her knee into his chest. "How does it feel now that the tables are turned? You think I am weak and that I would just let you come in here and…"

"Get off…"

She quickly held the knife to his throat. "Shut up. I wasn't done talking!"

She half expected him to open his mouth again but he didn't. She had never seen fear on a live person' face before but it made her blood rush and her heart race. She ran the tip of the knife across his neck and then up to his cheeks.

"I am sick of men like you thinking that you can get whatever you want!" she started, a realization hitting her suddenly like a ton of bricks. "The Joker has kept me here all to himself and not once try to touch me. As sick and twisted as he may seem, he is a real man. As for you, I can't say the same."

"Please. I don't want to die. I'm sorry."

"I didn't want to have you forcing yourself on me either!" slowly the blade began to move again, trailing down her stomach and ended where his flattened member hung out. He began to cry, just like she had before. She raised her arm and slammed down the knife into him, pushing it down and twisting the blade.

The color had drained from his face, as she pulled the blade out of his and began driving the knife into his chest, the harder she slammed down the more blood that splattered across her body. When she finally stopped, Natalie found it hard to breathe and the man had long gone. The bathroom was stained in red and as she stood up and looked in the mirror, she didn't flinch at the sight.

"This is who you are." she spoke out loud as the droplets of blood trickled down her cheeks. "This is what you do."

Slowly she made her way from the room, sitting down on, staring at her hands for a moment. Her mind was clear and she felt something she hadn't had for a long time, something Natalie wasn't even sure she could feel anymore.

Relief.

Without any more hesitation she reached over and grabbed the bottle of whiskey. She cracked open the lips and raised it to her lips, choking back a large gulp.

This is who she was and she was done trying to fight it.


	16. Take Me to Wonderland

It took him two days to come back. In that time, Natalie managed to only fill her belly with the whiskey that, too quickly, that became easier to drink back without gagging and only moved from the bed when she had to use the bathroom. The more she drank, the more easier it became to look at the decaying body even with the smell that was coming from it.

She wasn't sure what to do with the corpse and even with some liquid courage, she knew there was no way of getting it out of the room. He was covered in deep wounds, mostly in his chest and stomach and he looked puffier then Natalie remembered. She was laying on his stomach, drunkenly humming to herself when she heard the door open. She stood up, the whiskey sloshing in the bottle as she stumbled a little.

She hadn't realized how much she craved for his presence until their eyes met. Natalie felt her heart skip a beat and a smile twitch at her lips. She was beginning to understand he was the lesser of evils in the world, despite what bad things he may have done.

'I didn't realize it before but he has helped me more than anyone else.' her drunken thoughts swirled in her mind.

They stared at each other for a moment before he narrowed his eyes.

"What happened?" she expected him to find her new look amusing but apparently that wasn't the case. There wasn't a inch of her from, head to mid thigh that wasn't covered in dry blood and her eyes were glazed over. She let out a exasperated sigh, taking a slow step closer to him and hiccuped.

"Someone got in here." she lifted the bottle to her lips, almost finishing off the liquid. "He wanted to fuck me. He found out quickly I didn't want to."

His eyes moved around the room quickly, until he caught sight of the large man's head sticking out from the bathroom door. He moved closer, looking down with a tilted head, his eyes trailing over every wound and then finally landed on the knife.

"You seem to get yourself in trouble no matter what, don't you princess?"

The more she had drank, the more she realized how proud she was of her work. In her relief of accepting who she truly was, Natalie wasn't ashamed of what she had done to the goonie. She had taken care of it herself and if she had a way of leaving the room, she would have taken care of the body herself too. At first, she tried to fight off the thoughts she knew, she should be ashamed of but then slowly, it all started drifting away.

Then again, it could have been the whiskey taking over.

In her drunken state however, Natalie taken the time had imagined The Joker's reaction to seeing what she had done, once he returned. She pictured him, laughing out loud and dancing around the corpse, kicking him a few times or giving her some kind of recognition from her work. She would have never dreamed of things like that with anyone else but him. He was the only one who would understand, she knew that. There was no one else to share her newfound achievements with.

Instead, he was acting like she had done something wrong, like the dead man was more trouble than success. Natalie felt her blood boiling and in her state, had no filter of anything she was feeling.

"You're an asshole." she hissed, stumbling a bit to move closer to him. "You can't just say 'good job Natalie' or 'You did a number on him'?"

He finally turned to look at her, the corners of his mouth twitching. "Well..uh you did do a number on him."

Without thinking, she tossed to bottle towards his head but it completely missed him and let out a growl of frustration. Her breathing was heavy and her body was swayed, despite her efforts to keep her limbs still.

Then, in a second he was close to her, holding her wrists behind her back so her chest was pressed out against him and she could feel the heat of his breath on her face. She stared up at him unblinking, her anger getting the better of her.

He gritted his teeth together and squeezed her wrists harder, her voice hoarse and deep. "You made the mess princess and now I have to clean it up. You think you can just do whatever you want here? Throw things at me while having a little hissy fit? I think I liked you better sober, at least you knew your place."

Natalie didn't know what to say so just kept her eyes locked on his, glaring at him. He pushed her closer to him, his eyes growing darker with each second she stared at him. "I am the one in charge here, not you. If I wanted to kill you, I could kill you and if I wanted to fuck you, I could fuck you."

His last words took her off guard as they left his lips slowly.

She studied his face again, remembering the man that was behind the makeup and how human he could be sometimes. Her body began to grow hot and she clued into how her body was positioned, pushed into him like a woman driven mad by lust. In a sober state of mind she would have struggled to get away but now it was different. She had craved for him to return, even before she stabbed her victim and now the craving was crawling through her like a sickness.

It had been so long since a man touched her in a way that made her feel good. Her body felt energized, with the same adrenaline coming back like before. Her breath got caught in her throat as she began to picture things she would normally be trying to push out.

'I shouldn't…' she knew it was true. 'But I want too.'

Natalie couldn't bring herself to say it, as much as her body screamed at her to do it. Instead, her hips rolled forward, her centre meeting his and a moan rolled from her mouth before she could even stop it. It was like a fire burning hotter, as she moved his hips forward again, this time keeping them against his and closing her eyes.

"Keep them open." he growled. "I want you to look at me."

She did as she was told, meeting his eyes again, rubbing herself against the stiffness in his pants. Natalie's anger grew into animalistic lust, a sensation she had yet to experience in her entire life, until now. The things she was doing, were so wrong to her which made it even better in the moment, using him like she would a toy.

He let go of her arms and she wrapped them around his neck instantly, letting out another cry and he thrusted his hips forward. She didn't realize his lips were moving until they were against her's, his tongue pushing into her mouth and gliding along hers. He pushed her back until they were at the bed and fell back and he pulled his lips away from hers. She watched his eyes roam her body, still covered in dried blood and stopped when he caught sight at the J scar in her leg.

He pushed his fingers against it, tracing the letter with his calloused finger, sending shivers down Natalie's spine. His hands moved up from her leg to her stomach, pushing the shirt she wore up, as his hands continued to move. She raised her arms, letting the shirt go over her head and onto the floor, her top half no longer covered by anything. She went to move her arms back down when she realized she couldn't move them and then, suddenly, something cold was against her nipple.

She hadn't noticed him pull the knife out and press it against her, with his eyes looking darker than ever. He kept the blade in place, watching her, almost like he was waiting for her to push him away and tell him to stop. When she didn't say a word, he finally spoke up.

"Tell me to stop." his grip on the knife was tighter now and she noticed his hand shaking a bit. "If you don't want to bleed, tell me to stop."

Even drunk, Natalie knew she should tell him no and yet she couldn't. He was beginning to loose his control, just like she did all the time. He had seen her so many times like that and now the tables were beginning to turn. Not only that but, her curiosity and lust were getting the best of her as she nodded her head, letting out a breathless moan and rubbing herself against him again.

He let out a growl and moved his mouth down, replacing the knife with his own lips, taking his bud into his mouth and rolling his tongue around it. Natalie let out a cry of pleasure, trying to pull her arms away to push him into her more. His face paint was smeared against her breast as he moved to the other nipple, giving it the same treatment as the other.

She almost lost herself in the pleasure, an old feeling beginning to rise in her, more intense than she ever remembered.

Suddenly something sharp pierced her skin and she cried out in surprise. It hadn't hurt that much but when she looked down and saw the cut dripping with fresh blood, her mind started to unfog. He hadn't seemed to notice her watching or didn't care to look as he gave her bud a another kiss before trailing his tongue against the fresh cut he had made.

Natalie didn't realize she was holding her breath until she felt his fingers running along her hip and graze over her covered core. The clouds began to return to her mind again as his mouth moved back to her nipple and dragged the side of the knife against her stomach and down to her thigh. When he cut her again, she was so lost in pleasure, she barely even noticed, letting out a cry as he sucked on her harder.

She heard the knife clang against the ground and swiftly he ripped off her panties one handed, throwing them next to the knife, and guided his fingers into her.

Natalie almost lost it right there, realizing how much she missed the fullness inside of her.

He didn't wait long before shifting another finger in and circling his thumb around her swollen bead. She watched his face as his finger moved faster, sweat rolled down from his forehead and his makeup was half gone, leaving his scars bare and proud.

He closed his eyes, as her cries were louder than before, pumping into her faster. Then, suddenly he let out of her hands from above her head, slowing down a bit and opening his eyes to look at her. He let out a little chuckle, hearing her whine, protesting the lack of speed.

"Hold on princess." he fumbled with his pants, unhooking the belt and letting them fall from his hips a bit. Natalie watched as his freed his member from his boxers, palming himself while looking down at her.

"I'm not going to fuck you princess. Not like this." he told her before slowly moving his own hand against himself while picking up the pace inside of her again.

"I have a name." she found herself saying through moans. "Not that you ever use it."

"Natalie." he groaned out, leaning his head back, shutting his eyes tightly.

Her name leaving his lips sounded more erotic than anything she could remember and she felt herself begin to clench around his fingers. But she wanted more, she wanted to feel him inside of her, throbbing like he was doing now by his own hand.

Without thinking she reached out and circled her hand around his member, stopping his own movement and picking up the rhythm he had started. He stared down at her, wide eyed and met her eyes once again and for a moment, Natalie didn't feel like he had the upper hand over her. She felt like they were equal, working together for one motive.

"Say my name." he groaned out against from between his teeth, moving his hips with her hand. "My real name."

"Jack." she moaned out.

"Natalie."

She pumped him faster, moaning his name over and over again, her body tensing more and she could feel herself reaching the point of no return. She closed her eyes, letting herself take everything in, her mind suddenly becoming heavy and her stomach was in knots.

Then, it was like a wave came rushing over her and she yelled out, arching her back and curling her toes. She felt him tense up like her and his seed shot across her stomach, leaving a trail down to where his fingers still sat.

They sat there for a few minutes, their hands still on each other until he slowly he pulled his fingers away from her and moved over to the other side of her, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her close. Somehow he had gotten his knife back and was holding it up against her in the same spot as usual.

The last thing Natalie saw before drifting off to sleep was the dead body that she had somehow forgotten all about.


	17. Unravel

She was all alone again.

Natalie had to blink a few times, shielding her eyes from the light that seemed to be too bright and rubbed her temple with the other hand, trying to to stop the ache. For a moment, she didn't remember anything that had happened the past few nights before, her mind still fuzzy from the poison she had been dumping into her system.

She sat up slowly, clutching the sheets to her body and looking around the room with a groan.

"What is going on?" she groaned out with everything starting to become more clear. But she knew something was still off, something she couldn't place until she looked down at her body seeing her bare flesh with new cuts staring back up at her. She ran her her finger across the dried blood on her chest and then did the same to the cut on her thigh.

"What the hell did I do." She managed to push herself off the bed and stand up. Natalie tried to get her focused but the more she tried, the more the room spun around in circles like a merry go round. Suddenly her legs were moving, almost flying until she hit the cold ground, sticking her head in the toilet. After rinsing her mouth out, she stood up, looking at herself in the mirror.

"Open wide girly"

Natalie twisted her body, looking down at the ground behind her. There was no body and no blood, just a clean floor and the smell of bleach. The memory of the man on top of her, laughing and trying to force himself onto her ran through her causing shivers down her spine. She turned back to the mirror studying the dried blood still on her face.

"Ugh." her stomach began to twist and turn again and she put her hand on her flesh, trying to stop it.

Something was on her stomach, she wasn't sure what until she looked down. The evidence of the indiscretion across her belly made everything come rushing back. Flashes of his fingers and mouth on her body, the moans and her hands on him moved through her mind. Her fingers pressed down on her forehead as her world began to spin again.

Quickly she reached out for the shower, turning the handles on and stepping in, soaking her head under the water. Slowly the room stopped revolving and Natalie could feel her mind unfogging and her thoughts were starting to come back at a normal pace. All the pieces were fitting back together like a puzzle in her mind. She had killed the man who attacked her, got drunk and messed around with the Joker.

The worst part was, he didn't have to force her or convince her to do it. She threw herself at him, like some cat in heat who wouldn't stop howling until she was satisfied.

"No, no." she cried out.

'If anyone finds out…' her mind wandered to Tim, Trixie, Will and even her mom. 'If they knew I did this with him….they can't know. I won't let them.'

She heard the faint sound of the door opening and shutting from the other side of the wall but stayed in the shower. She washed herself slowly, taking as long as she possibly could before having to face the man she knew was waiting. Natalie had no idea what she would say to him or even what he was say to her.

'He is going to throw it in my face.' she thought, wiping her stomach clean. That was the only scenario that seemed to make sense in her mind. Yet, in a way, she wanted him to be the one to bring it up and talk about it.

'Then I could get some kind of idea on what he is really thinking.'

Despite the foggy memory, Natalie remembered how he looked down at her last night, letting her name slip between his lips while she cried out for him. It was dark and intense but somehow different from when he first cut her. The thought of it made her heart race and her stomach to flutter.

'Don't do this.'

She couldn't stop herself from going further into the idea of it all. He was the first man she ever felt comfortable enough to let her scars hang free and to talk to about her family. She may have not said much to him, but it was more than Natalie had ever said out loud before. His presence was intimidating, exciting, frightening and even erotic in some ways. The dance they were playing was getting more intense.

'Maybe it's why he took you. He can feel it too.'

She leaned her body against the wall, the realization hitting her hard.

'You're starting to fall for him.'

Natalie expected herself to feel disgusted but instead a wave a relief wash over her and she closed her eyes with a smile.

"You really are crazy." she whispered to herself, eyes still shut tight.

She turned off the shower, knowing there was no use hiding away from him anymore. With the acknowledgement of it all, still fresh in her mind, she wrapped a towel around herself and walked out of the bathroom, ignoring her body that felt sick and tired from the drinking.

Natalie caught sight at him before he saw her. He was laying back on the bed with one hand behind his head and the other twirling a knife around. He was humming something to himself, not even bothering to glance over at her once.

Her heart sank and she took a loud breath in.

He shot her a sideways glance, seeming to realize she was there. "What do you want princess?"

"I wanted…" she started but couldn't finished as the words got caught in her throat. This wasn't how it was suppose to go. He was suppose to give her one of his trademark grins, pat the bed beside him and ask her for another go.

He let out a growl after a minute of silence and sat up on the bed, looking at her. "I'm waiting."

"Last night…" she trailed off again, trying to find the words to put it together. Natalie longed for the shower again where her fantasies were much easier than this interaction seemed to be. Her eyes slowly drifted to the ground until he spoke again.

"Oh that." he closed his knife and stuck in back into his pocket before standing up and walking closer to her.

Her cheeks were beginning to go red, feeling dumber the longer he stared at her. She wasn't being herself and they both knew it. She was acting like a puppy dog with it's tail between its leg who had just been caught doing something wrong.

'Snap out of it.' she told herself firmly.

"Yeah that." she stood up straight and pulled her towel closer against her still wet body.

"What do you want me to say princess?" he raised his eyebrows, his voice still as cold as ice as he dragged out his words."You got drunk and threw yourself at me. I didn't say no because I'm a nice guy."

His rejecting was like a hard slap in the face and her body ran cold. She couldn't stop herself, sick and tired of playing this game with him like she was some kind of doll. Natalie just wanted some kind of answers from him, truthful answers.

"So that's it then." she could feel the tears starting to form at her eyes even though she tried to stop them. "It was just you being a nice guy?"

He narrowed his eyes and reached out, grabbing her wrist. Her skin tingled as his flesh touched hers. "Are you trying to tell me you liked what we did princess? Don't tell me you are starting to fall for me now."

Natalie ripped her wrist away from him with her body shaking. Her teeth clenched together as she spoke, afraid of what she might do. "Why are you doing this to me? Why do you even want me here? You could have just screwed me last night, did whatever you wanted to me and then killed me. Just get it over with! I'm sick of this!"

Suddenly she was being slammed into the wall with his arms on either side of her so she couldn't move. She could see the skin above his right eyes twitch and the vibration from his arms. "Game time princess."

"I'm not playing your games anymore."

"Uh...I wasn't giving you an option." he licked his lips and chewed at his scars. "You go first."

She stared at him, tears running down her cheeks, holding back a sob. She didn't want to play his game anymore. She just wanted everything to be over and done with but her longing for the truth made her eyes dry up and her voice to steady.

"Did last night mean anything to you?"

He paused for a moment before throwing back his head and letting out a loud laugh and finally looking down at her with the grin she had been waiting for. ."Of course it meant something. I am a man. If you mean, did I enjoy that it was you doing it? Then no, I could care less if it was you or a whore on the street."

His words hit her like a ton of bricks and she silently begged for him to kill her right then and there. She couldn't go back home and face reality anymore, not with everything that had happened and she couldn't stay here, not with what she had just been told.

"My turn." he let go of one of her arms and took her chin between two fingers, holding her steady so she was looking straight into his eyes. "Do you want to be here with me?"

Before, she would have struggled to answer his loaded question but now, there was no point. Natalie could see no other reason to hide the truth anymore from him. She was tired of all the lying and concealing the truth from everyone but mostly from herself.

"A few days ago, I didn't know what I wanted but this morning when I woke up and remembered what happened, everything became so clear." she could feel his grip loosening on her and his breathing heavy. He was watching the words leave her mouth, eyes slightly widen, like he couldn't believe what he was hearing. At least Natalie thought that's what she saw but he played so hot and cold she could never be sure.

"Then, just now a new picture painted in my mind." her lips pursed together, hearing his words again in her mind. "I don't want to be here."

"So what you're saying is I should have fucked you last night like you wanted."

Without hesitation Natalie reached up and smack him across the face. He let go of her chin and wiped the fresh blood and face paint away from his lips, staring at it for a moment like it held some answer he was searching for. She didn't give him the chance to speak again, it was her turn to hurt him, if that was even possible.

"Whatever happened last night doesn't matter anymore. I can see you now for exactly who you are. You're a monster, with or without the scars."

He looked up at her words, meeting her eyes and she saw the man behind the mask he wore staring back at her. Without taking his eyes away, he reached into his back pocket.

"Are you going to kill me now Jack?" her voice was hopeful that it would be over soon. She didn't want to deal with the pain not only from him but from the past Natalie had managed to keep hidden away until he took her.

"I won't kill you Natalie." he started. "I am just going to give you what you want."

"Which is wh…" She felt something sharp jab into her neck and she watched as he pulled a needle out from her skin and tossed it on the ground.

"What are you doing." her mouth felt dry and her words were starting to mash together.

"Giving you what you want." he repeated.

Natalie tried to speak again but no words came out. The room was getting darker and darker and she felt her legs giving out from beneath her. She hit the floor just as her world went black.


	18. Sleep

The first things she heard, was constant beeping and then the murmured sounds of people talking around her. Natalie couldn't sure what was going on and her mind took her to the worst ideas. The Joker could have strapped her to a bomb with a timer that was slowly ticking down, for all she knew.

The thought of him made her heart ache, even in her current state.

She kept her eyes closed tightly, afraid of what she might see when she finally opened her eyes.

Then she felt hands on her.

She knew it wasn't his hands, theses ones were softer and smaller. She could hear the beeping picking up the pace and without another thoughts Natalie knocked the hands away from her and opened her eyes, still frantically trying to keep away whoever was touching her.

Her eyes were blinded by light and more hands were grabbing at her. She let out a scream, struggling to get away, panicked even more as they tried to push her down. She cried out for the Joker, hoping he would save her, knowing he was the only one who might just do that.

"Natalie he isn't here anymore! He won't hurt you!" a voice called out to her and she swung her fist towards the sound. They thought she was crying out because he was going to hurt her and she couldn't find the words to tell them they were wrong.

She needed him to save her.

"Let me go! Let me go!" People were talking around her, shouting words she couldn't understand and then something sharp poked into her skin again. The beeping started to slow down again and she felt herself get sluggish. Her vision was becoming clearer now and faces started to appear to her. Then she knew where she was.

A hospital.

A nurse took her hand gently, Natalie could tell she was the woman who first touched her, and told her everything was going to be okay and that she had been given something to calm her down for a few minutes, just so that Natalie would see she was safe.

"How did I get her?" Natalie asked, her throat dry and raw.

The nurse gave a smile. "A car pulled up to our emergency area and dropped you off. There was a note with you that said who you were."

"How long was I gone for?"

"A few weeks. There are some detectives who have been by a few times, wanting to talk to you and your family is in the waiting rooms. They haven't left for two days." The nurse gave her another smile. "It's over now Natalie. You are away from him. I will go get your family if you are ready."

Natalie noded slowly and the woman hurried away.

'He brought me back.' she told herself as a wave of emotions hit her. 'He must have drugged me and brought me here. But why…'

None of it made sense and her mind ached for answers. He said he was going to give her what she wanted but this was far from it. Natalie never wanted to be in a hospital with her family being told she was safe and sound. She wanted quick and painless death so she wouldn't suffer anymore with the pain of it all.

Her hands began to tremble and it felt like a wave came crashing down on her. The light from the sun was burning her eyes and the IV needle stuck in her hand stung. The motor began to beep quicker, despite the drugs she had been given to keep her calm, tears started to prick at her eyes.

'I should have told him I wanted to stay with him. Being heartbroken would have been better than this.'

She heard footsteps racing towards her room and Natalie took a slow breath in, trying to slow the beeping down. She didn't want to alarm any nurses or doctors of her panic, fearful that they may keep her longer than needed.

'I need to get out of here as so as I can.'

"Natalie!" the woman ran into the room and hugged her tightly. It sounded like her mother but she didn't look the same as when Natalie last saw her. She was cleaned, dressed nicely and the color and come back to her cheeks. She wasn't slurring her words, or stumbling around. She pulled back and stared at Natalie before kissing her on the head. "We were all sorry worried about you."

Natalie felt too stunned to say anything or let any emotion cross her face. Her mother didn't seem to notice as she hugged her again tightly. She watched her move away letting another familiar face come up to the bed.

"Tim." Natalie wanted to be more thrilled to see him but her body still felt heavy and her mind still weak.

"I've missed you Natalie!" he wrapped his arm around her and held onto Natalie tighter than ever before.

"I missed you too." The flatness in her voice didn't seem to phase him as a large smile came to his face.

"So much has changed! I'm back with mom and she has stopped drinking! We can all be together again Natalie, just like before!"

Her eyes flicked to her mother who now had tears running down her cheeks, leaving black streaks. Natalie wanted to tell Tim she had heard it all before, that her mother was just going to fall back when everything started to become normal again.

For now, she would leave it and let him see for himself.

'No time for coddling anymore.'

"When can she come home?" Veronica cleared her throat and wiped her cheeks.

The nurse looked down at the chart that had been clipped to Natalie's bed and then back to woman. "We have a few things to go over with Natalie and plus the police would still like to talk to her."

"They can do that at our home." her mother urged.

"Our home?" Natalie pushed herself, so she was sitting up. "You want me to come back to your apartment?"

Her mother didn't even respond to her question. "This will all be too much for her here. I want her home now. He could get her in this place."

Natalie didn't bother interrupting this time, knowing her mother wouldn't listen. She was afraid the Joker would try and get Natalie back when, he was the one who sent her away. She choked back more tears that had threatened to come out, remember the last look he gave her before she passed out.

Without realizing it, she had reached under her blanket and up her gown. Her fingers slowly moved past every scar until her thumb stopped at the bottom of the biggest one. She traced the letter gently, closing her eyes and thinking back to how it felt to have his arms wrapped around her when she would fall asleep.

"Natalie!" a voice snapped her out of it and she pulled her thumb away staring back to the three people who were looking at her, wide eyed and tensed up. It was her mother who had pulled her back, whose face had paled completely.

"What?" Natalie felt breathless for some reason, like she had been caught doing something wrong. When no one spoke up, she felt her heart begin to race and snapped at them, asking what they wanted.

"Why were you doing that?" Tim was the one to speak up now.

She lied the best she could. "It was sore."

They still all looked worried and the nurse cleared her throat. "Sometimes, when patients wake up, their lips are dry...I wouldn't worry too much about it."

"But she wasn't licking her lips!" her mother tried to whisper though it wasn't working. "She was trying to lick her face!"

Natalie clued into what was happening when they all turned back to her, with the same expressions as before. Just like with her leg, she had done it without even thinking but this time she wasn't aware of her actions.

She was licking her cheeks just like he would his scars.

The idea of it all made it hard to hold back a laugh. 'Maybe I have been doing it the whole time and didn't even realize until now.'

"I'm sure it's just a reaction to stress. We will make sure it's in the paperwork to Arkham." The nurse was trying to speak softly but the word 'Arkham' wasn't missed by Natalie She took a large breath in, letting it go, with her hands shaking.

"Why are you sending information to Arkham about me?" she demanded know, her voice getting louder with every word. Tim turned to their mother who was holding a hand up to her face, almost like she was holding back tears.

"Natalie." the nurse spoke softly, grabbing her hand. "We just want to make sure you are okay after everything you went through. We have set up some visits with one of the doctors there to make sure you are adjusting well."

"I'm fine." she told the woman harshly. "Nothing happened to me I can't handle without some shrink telling me I'm nuts."

The nurse cleared her throat and leaned in, speaking even softer than before. "We did some examinations on you and it's alright if you are embarrassed about what happened to you but trust me when I say that what you are feeling is normal."

Natalie stared blankly at the nurse for a minute, still a little unsure of what she meant.

"Tim why don't you get a snack?" Her mother was jamming money into her mother's hand and pushing him out the door before finally looking to her daughter with a sad sigh. She walked over, taking Natalie's other hand, before speaking.

"I am here for you through all of this Natalie. I've have had things happen to me that I haven't even spoken of to this day and…"

"I still don't know what you are talking about."

The two older woman looked at each other before turning back to Natalie before the nurse leaned in, keeping her voice low. "I don't want to upset you even more. Just know that your tests are clean and you aren't pregnant."

"What did you just say?" her monitor started going off again, thinking about some random person with their hands on her, swabbing her, sticking things inside of her. It made Natalie's gut twisted and her anger to rise up to almost a boiling point. She closed her eyes again, thinking about what the Joker would do, if it had been him.

'I want to fucking kill them.' she knew if there was anything sharp object close by, she probably would have tried stabbing them.

"Get out." Natalie clenched her teeth together, ripping her hands away from the pair.

"Please Natalie…"

"Get the fuck away from me!" she reached out to her mother, who hadn't back away quick enough, grabbing a chunk of her hair and pulling down so her face was on the bed. Natalie raised her arms up, ready to bring her fist down on the woman's head.

'All her boyfriends try to bend me over and she doesn't bat an eye and now she is trying to be supportive!' Natalie felt her mouth run dry and she couldn't help but think back to the room she had stayed the past few weeks. The Joker may have been a complicated entity to deal with but he had never forced himself on her. She felt more violated by being examined without her consent than anything else that had happened.

"I need some help in here!" she heard the nurse call out, grabbing Natalie's hands before she could bash in her mother's skull.

More hands came over her again, holding her down as she kicked and screamed out, crying out for the Joker again. Another sharp pain, this time in her arm, dug into her skin Another cloak of calmness fell over her, this time more intense and her body slumped down on the bed. Without even realizing it, she drifted off into darkness with everyone screaming around her.


	19. How I Disappear

In her dreams, she was still in the room where the Joker had kept her, watching men push the door open and demanding for her to get on her knees. There was a knife in her hand and she was able to cut their throats all open, stabbing their bleeding bodies over and over again. Then the Joker would walk in, looking down at all the bodies, laughing like he always would. He marched right over to her, grabbing her face, telling her how amazing she was.

When she finally woke up, it was like a nightmare. People were touching her and talking around her like she was a piece of decoration. She felt trapped, more so than she had the past few weeks, when she had been with the Joker.

Natalie hated the place.

"Ah good you're awake." a male voice spoke past everyone else and to her. She hadn't even realized the police were in the room until he talked at her. "Jim Gordon."

Natalie just stared at the hand until he slowly pulled it away.

"I don't care who you are, I just want out of here."

"We can work on that but first you have to talk to us about what happened." Jim took the seat beside the bed. "What do you know about the Joker?"

It was always about the Joker. The doctors wanted to know what he did to her and the police wanted to squeeze every detail out of her about him, like a sponge. Natalie didn't want to talk about the Joker anymore, the thought of him sending an ache through her, shattering her heart over and over again.

She felt lost, even more so than before.

"He dresses like a clown and is out to get Batman." Natalie had managed to gather that information from the people who she had heard talking around her. She found her thumb, rubbing against her scar again, thinking about the Joker running around Gotham like a madman, how free he always seemed.

She remembered the way his knife sliced into her leg when he carved his mark into her and how she fought against him. Then months later, spreading her legs for him and letting him cut her again.

She felt her tongue dart out against her cheek and her eyes widened slightly. "He likes knives."

"Natalie?" she had forgotten he was there, Jim Gordon. He was staring at her just as all the others were, like she was some kind of crazy person who couldn't tell up from down. She wanted to snap, ask him what he was looking at but she didn't. She just stared at him, waiting for his next question.

He cleared his throat and continued. "How did you escape Natalie?"

She had already worked out what she would tell them. It wouldn't be the truth, she didn't want anyone to know about the Joker's odd humane side. That was her secret he gave to her. "I got hit with something. Passed out and woke up here."

He had pulled out a pen and a notepad, writing something down with a nod.

"Do you remember being taken or where he took you?"

This was a question Natalie knew she could answer truthfully, not that she gave much of an answer. "He stuck a needle in my neck. I passed out and woke up in the room."

He wrote something again. "Any idea why he took you?"

Everyone wanted answers about why he took her, like he would just willingly tell her why he did it. They thought of him like a lowlife criminal, one who would sing like a canary, when a gun was pointed to his head, telling them everything he could think of. She knew the Joker and understood him just like he seemed to understand her. They didn't get it and neither did anyone else.

She scoffed at him and turned away. "I must have forgotten about the scars on my cheeks and that I dress like a clown."

"Sorry?" he didn't understand her sarcasm and that made her more cross than before.

"I'm not him! I don't fucking know why he took me! All I know if I don't have anymore answers for you and I want to get out of here and sleep in a place where people aren't watching me all night! Can you do that for me? Maybe I will have some more answers if I can think straight."

She watched his face change as she planted the seed in his mind. If she had someone who pushed for her that wasn't seen as crazy or emotional, Natalie knew that would make things move that much quicker.

"Alright Natalie. Thank you for your time. I will mention to your doctor that's I think it's a good idea to get you out of here.."

A sense of relief washed over her and she nodded to the detective. "Thank you."

Surprising Natalie meant it.

She watched the man walk out and true to his word, pulled aside a nurse and began talking to her about getting Natalie out by tomorrow. She could feel her lip twitch, holding back a smirk that always seem to try and appear. But she didn't want them to think she was crazier than they already did.

With a sigh, she laid back again onto her pillow glancing at the window that was beside her bed.

'What is he doing right now?' Natalie couldn't stop the thought from sprinkling across her mind. He wouldn't be losing his temper like she was doing and he wouldn't still be in the hospital, like she was. He would have already found a way out, without anyone noticing till it was too late.

'Reckless, uncaring and cunning.' The three words had been playing in her head over and over again.

She looked around to make sure no nurses were close before pulling out a newspaper from underneath her pillow. Her mother had brought it with her when she had visited and Natalie snagged it before the nurse could clear it away. She had managed to catch the only three words from the front page before hiding it. Now she was able to spread it out on her lap, diving deep into the article that had been written about him.

The Joker has made his name in Gotham well known and feared. Most of the fear stems from the unknown and his unpredictable antics. He started his crime spree almost six months ago and since hasn't slowed down.

He recently robbed Gotham's largest bank with several accomplices, all dressed in clown masks and suits. All but the Joker survived the hold up and in another unforeseeable move, he took a young bank teller with him as he fled the scene of the crime.

Natalie Dowling, 26 (picture seen below), had started very recently at Gotham National Bank and in a statement from William Stevenson (bank manager), had a very promising future in the business. Dowling body has not been recovered but Gotham PD and the District Attorney, Harvey Dent, are "hopeful that she will be found soon and for family and friends not to worry".

She studied the pictures posted around the text. One was of the Joker's face close to a camera wearing his trademark smile and the one underneath was from the bank when he grab Natalie and dragged her towards the bus. Then there was a picture of her, wearing her old fake smile and trying not to look dead in the eyes. She remembered Tim taking the picture for a school project about his family.

"Where did you get that?" Natalie shut the paper quickly and looked up at the nurse who was standing in the doorway with her arms crossed. She only had managed to learn her name out of all the doctors and nurses who had come in to see her. Denise was short, with dark skin and hair always pulled away from her face. Her trademark scowl made Natalie like her even more than all the rest. She didn't put up with any crap, no matter who you were.

"You need to stop worry about what's happened on the outside and start fixing yourself. Give yourself one more night with some peace in your mind before you get thrown into the media frenzy that keeps trying to get in."

Natalie knew exactly what Denise had meant. She had closed her eyes for one moment the other day when a bright light was flashing above her. She opened her eyes to see a small man holding a camera in her face. He managed to take one more of her awake, before security chased him out.

"Yeah whatever." she handed the newspaper over seeing no other option.

"Now I know you were upset the other day about this," Denise took the seat where Gordon had sat, not too long ago. "But we have set you up with a psychiatrist at Arkham who you will have to see in a few days."

Natalie body tensed up when she heard the words. She looked away, disgusted at the thought of it all. "I'm not crazy."

"No one thinks you are."

Both woman knew it was a lie but neither called the other out on it. Denise was possibly the only one who might have thought that it was true. For a moment, Natalie thought she could trust her, like she could tell the nurse anything and she wouldn't turn away, afraid of the words as they left Natalie's mouth.

"What if…." Her voice had softened and Denise inched in closer, sensing Natalie about to open up, just a little. "I want to see him again?"

The room was silent for a minute until the woman sat back with a sad look in her eyes, her features softening. "Honey, it's understandable if you want to see him again. Most victims wants to look into the eyes of their…"

"No!" Natalie stopped her. "I mean...what if…" she struggled with finding the right words, knowing Denise wasn't understand what she really meant.

"What if I want to go back?"

"Go back?" Natalie watched as the look in her eyes changed and she finally got what Natalie was trying to tell her. The nurse couldn't seem to find the words, watching the younger woman with a sorrowful expression. "Natalie…" she tried to talk but no more words came out her mouth.

There had been a point, where Natalie felt her old self coming to the surface, reaching out for someone to pull her out of the water she had been drowning in. As she spoke to Denise, begging her to drag her up, the woman had pushed her away just with the look in her eyes.

The old Natalie had died in that moment.

"Just get out." she turned away, not able to watch anymore.

"Nat…"

"Just get out!" Natalie shouted, taking the nearest thing and tossing it in the woman's direction. Denise manage to dodge but still stood in the room, watching Natalie tremble and scream. She tossed something else towards Denise before she started to finally move towards the door.

"Get out! Get out!"

Then she was gone.

Not one nurse came to check on her after the yelling stopped. They were all too afraid to step into the room because if Denise couldn't handle a patient, then no one could.

'No one understands except for him.' she knew it was the truth, there was no fighting it now. Natalie felt her heart tightening again, feeling something coming towards her. Another flood of relief went through her body.

She was finally free.

Free from the expectations placed on her and free from the expectations she had always put on herself. Now she had new goals, new plans for her life, none of which, involved being in a hospital or going to Arkham to chat with doctors.

She needing to see him again, tell him that she wasn't letting him throw her away again. That being around him, using her like a dish rag was better than not having him in her life at all.

Natalie was going to find him, even if it killed her.


	20. Famous Last Words

He was pathetic. He was being one of those people he would find humorous because they were tied down by the obsession of another person. It made his guts turn every time the realization hit him like a ton of bricks.

He posted all the pictures he could find of her above the bed so he could stare up at her.

"Hmmm." he chewed on the side of his cheek, studying all the images for what felt like the hundredth time. He had found them in the papers, one the police used when she was missing, her smile fake and hollow. The next one was when he took her during the bank robbery. The police had zoomed in on her face, the sanity had already begun to crack and chip away like a clay mask. The last picture was the most recent, sitting in the hospital bed, staring at the camera with what he could only describe as a dead look in her eyes.

Jack wanted to believe that it was because she wasn't with him. That she wanted to come back to him, throwing herself at his feet and begging him to let her stay.

He knew it wasn't possible. She had already made it painfully clear where she stood.

'You weren't exactly honest with her.' his inner voice reminded him.

Jack had been through this with himself a million times, that if Natalie could handle something like that then she wouldn't be able to handle the life he lived, filled with a whirlwind chaos. She would stay cracked instead of healing the wounds and diving into the madness with him. She would beg him to let her die, feeling back into a corner and destroyed.

He wasn't going to watch that happen. It was better to forget her all together. He knew it was possible. He had cared for someone deeply once before and he had loved her with all his heart. Back then, he wallowed in the feelings, soaking up every minute of it.

Then it was over, she ripped herself away like a bandaid. He hadn't even realized what had happened until they reached the end.

Things were different now. He didn't feel pleasure from these feelings, he didn't pray for more happiness to come. That wasn't who Jack was anymore, he wasn't soft or caring towards anyone. He showed affection in ways most people wouldn't understand and he was possessive of what he claimed to be his. He needed someone fucked up enough to match his own insanity.

He looked back up at the pictures of her again, trying to find some answers in them.

Jack knew she was unstable, walking on the tightrope, trying not to fall off. She was too stubborn to let herself dive down head first. Her life was a mess, a mother he was selfish beyond a doubt and a brother who she had been forced to raise, like he was her own son. Her home life was stressful and she hated it.

Yet, she still choose to go back to that instead of staying with him.

He closed his eyes, the memories of her kissing him, pressing her body to his, running her hands across his skin, all of this done willingly. The sounds of her moaning his name, urging him to keep going was like sweet victory to his thoughts.

'You hurt her.' his inner voice chimed in. 'She would have stayed.'

"Shut up." he growled, sitting up and running his hands through his hair. "She didn't want to be here." he stood up and paced the room, his inner voice not leaving, replaying the words Natalie spewed at him before he let her go.

"Did last night mean anything to you?"

"A few days ago, I didn't know what I wanted but this morning when I woke up and remembered what happened, everything became so clear."

'She wanted to stay with you. She wouldn't have asked you anything about that night if it hadn't and you just kept pushing her further and further until she gave up. She started seeing you as the bad guy then.'

Her admission at the time made something turn in him when she spoke the words. Something turned inside of him and for an instant he wanted to take everything he had said back. He was hearing things, he had only dreamed for but never expected.

Then she burst his bubble, shattering the small idiotic hope, he found himself disgustingly hanging onto.

"Whatever happened last night doesn't matter anymore. I can see you now for exactly who you are. You're a monster, with or without the scars."

Out of all the things she could have said, that stung the worst. Jack had given up a long time ago caring what people thought of him and the way he looked. When the scars had first surfaced on his face, he hide away from the world, ashamed of what he had become but slowly, he started not to care. He broke away from the conventional thinking and started seeing the world in a new light.

But Natalie was looking past his most prominent feature and into the man he was and what she had seen was still a freak, someone who she was disgusted by and never wanted to see again.

'But that means she didn't see you that way before.'

Jack had found himself relating to Natalie in way that he had never been able to with people before. He liked to cut and so did she (even if for the most part, it was herself) and not only that, he saw a lot of his old self in her. Trying to hide away from true feelings and trying to fit in like she was suppose too.

She was so close to falling off the edge and they both had known it, even if she hadn't wanted to admit it to herself.

'You're stupid. For a man who always seems two steps ahead of the game with everything else, you sure fucked this one up.'

He couldn't help but play the scene over in his mind, feeling himself beginning to lose it more than before. The only thing that seemed to calm him down was reliving what little time they shared together.

Then it hit him harder than anything else had. Something that he had always somehow skimmed over, not taking its full meaning to heart. He could hear the desperation in her voice as she begged for what she really wanted.

"Why are you doing this to me? Why do you even want me here? You could have just screwed me last night, did whatever you wanted to me and then killed me. Just get it over with! I'm sick of this!"

Things were becoming clearer, making more sense the more he played the words over and over in his head. He had been wrong, completely wrong about what she wanted from him. Natalie had never wanted to go back to her old life, like he had assumed, she wanted anything but that.

"Are you going to kill me now Jack?"

She sounded hopeful, like he would actually do it, end her life instead of tossing her back into the flames of hell. She never wanted to be without him, unless it was in her own grave with no soul left in her flesh.

"Get her back." he spoke out loud, punching the wall hard.

He wouldn't get her back just yet. Jack still had work to do for the mob and he was, a man of his word. He couldn't just put the plan on hold, even for Natalie. Then, of course, there was the Batman he had to deal with as well.

But Jack knew, the Batman would be around for a lot longer than his mob friends.

'She'll survive a few weeks without me.' he told himself, knowing there was no way he could devote time to her during this mess. She deserved that time from him after all she had been through to have him.

They would rule Gotham together, he would make sure of that. She would be able to show her true colors without feeling caged or hidden behind the mask. He would really show her what it was like to free and they could be together without any rules or boundaries to keep them apart.

"I'm coming for you princess." and for the first time in three days, he threw back his head and let out a laugh.


	21. Control

They had took Natalie out the back way, avoiding the people who had been waiting to take her picture. Even as they pulled away there were only a few waiting, giving Natalie the feeling everyone had expected her to be in the hospital longer.

Her mother had come to get her and they jumped into a cab, heading towards the place Natalie had once called home. The ride back was silent even though all she wanted to do was ask her mom what the doctors had said. They had pulled Veronica aside while Natalie was getting ready to leave and spoke with her quietly, only stopping when she walked up.

When they finally pulled up to the house, Natalie saw the cameras before her mother did but didn't care. Everyone seemed to want her to stay hidden away, like she was some dirty secret that needed to stay locked in the closet forever. She looked straight at the camera as they took a picture, her face looking lifeless as ever.

Her mother was the one who started screaming and yanked Natalie into the building and down the hall and to the apartment.

She stood planted at the door even, as her mother took her own shoes off and headed towards the kitchen. Natalie looked around at the place expecting it to be a mess with garbage and bottles everywhere. Her mother may have not been drunk at that moment but Natalie still had her doubts.

"Well come on sweetheart."

"Sweetheart?" Natalie couldn't help but scowl at her mother. Never in her life had the woman addressed her with such enduring words. She wasn't sure if she wanted to laugh at the gesture of punch Veronica in the face. "Since when do you call me that?"

"Since I realized how much I took you and your brother for granted."

Her gut feeling was telling her something was off and Natalie didn't believe a word that her mother was saying. She didn't move from her spot still, staring at the woman who was still waiting for her to come in and make herself at home, like old times.

"I am going back to my apartment in a few days and getting my job back." It was only a half lie, Natalie was eager to get away from her brand new mother and from the apartment she stood in now so that she could be alone. Going back to the bank, however, was something she wasn't sure was ever going to happen, but she needed to test the waters with her mother, to figure out what was really happening.

Natalie knew her kindness was a cover for something else. It always was.

"Let's worry about that later. Your room is all set up the same as before and I brought some of your stuff over. Your landlord contacted me once you…" she looked away from Natalie, not finishing her sentence.

"Were with the Joker?" Natalie finished for her.

Veronica's body tensed and her eyes slightly widened. The two women, stood still, staring at each other for a minute until Natalie's mother cleared her throat and started to back away from her daughter slowly.

"I just need to get a few things done before Tim gets home." she didn't wait for Natalie's response, just took off down the hallway, slamming the bedroom door shut. Tim wouldn't be home for another few hours and Natalie expected she wouldn't see her mother until after then.

She took another look around before kicking her shoes off, leaving them in a pile in front of the door. Slowly, she walked through the living room and down the hallway, past her mother's room and then to where she use to sleep. Most of her stuff was in boxes on her dresser but besides that, everything in the room had been left the way she had it before. Natalie shut her door and locked it, before digging through the box of stuff, until she found what she was looking for.

It was at the bottom of the second box she looked into, packed neatly below all the other useless junk her mother had brought over. She pulled it out, holding it up like it was something to be worshiped and sat down on her bed, still holding it above her.

The familiar feeling of the black case against her fingers sent a shiver down Natalie's spine as she gently opened it up and let out a relieved sigh. Her razor blades were still there, kept as neatly as she left them before. She held one between her fingers remembering the feeling of the blade slicing her skin.

'I didn't want to be back here. I didn't want this.'

She quickly slipped off her pants and let one leg hang off the bed, the other crossed over it. She studied her scars, reliving each moment she created them, remembering the pain she had eased. The pain she held now however, seemed more unbearable than the rest. She had dreamt of her father's death and her own hands killing Nicki so many time, it didn't make her feel sick anymore. But the Joker's rejection made it all seem pointless now, like there was no reason to be breathing on this earth.

Sure she had Tim, but she could already see the change in him. He had grown up in the short time she was gone and was happy where he was. He didn't need her anymore like he used too, he was able to stand on his own two feet.

Another wave of relief ran through her , finally feeling unburdened, knowing her brother could handle himself. The feeling only stayed for a moment until something else starting rising to the surface. She felt like an empty shell, lost and wandering alone. Natalie had lived a life for everyone else and now, there was nothing left but the room, she had longed to escape her whole life, and a body full of scars.

Her mind traveled to the Joker again, the ghost of his fingers against her skin burned like he was truly there.

'He doesn't want you.' she reminded herself, with a heart that, ached harder.

"But I want him." she wept softly, longing to get back the small bit of freedom he had given her.

The razor blade didn't feel right in her hands or against the skin on her thigh. She didn't want to use the small blades anymore, she yearned for something else, something she could wrap her fingers around. Natalie's other hand traveled up to the healed wound where, his knife would sink into while they slept.

Everyone could see it now and truthfully, she wanted them too. She was sick of hiding her scars and hiding the truth about her past and what she wanted.

She moved the blade up to her wrist and held it in place for a moment before sinking it into her skin and slicing down. Natalie fell onto her back and turned her head to look at the blood running down from her outstretched arm.

Without even realizing it, Natalie opened her lips and let sounds of sick laughter as she watched the blood drip onto the clean bed sheets.

* * *

No one said a word as they ate supper together. He mother had prepared enough food to feed an army and yet Natalie could barely eat any of it, she didn't want this food or to be sitting here with these people.

Her brother shoved fork fulls of food into her mouth while Veronica stared at her daughter before finally speaking.

"Natalie aren't you cold?"

The question caught her a bit off guard and Natalie found herself looking down at her tank top and shorts before staring back at Veronica with a raised eyebrow. "No."

"I just thought maybe...you would want to put on a different shirt or a sweater? Maybe a pair of pants?"

"I'm fine."

Natalie noticed Tim had stopped eating to watched the two woman speak to each other, their mother wearing a forced smile and Natalie's eyes glaring towards her. She watched Veronica's eyes flick down to her arms and chest and then back up, holding her breath and not letting it go. It took a moment to understand what was going on.

"Do my scars bug you? You want me to cover them up?" Natalie's voice and eyes softened a bit, knowing her mother would be more truthful if she felt less attacked.

"It's hard to see them." her mouth cleared her throat before taking a sip of water. "But yes I would like them to stay covered."

Natalie paused for a moment feeling the rage build up. This is who she was, not some pretty princess like her mother expected of her. They didn't want her to be like this, beautiful broken and fucked up. But this was her true colors and there was no turning back from it now.

"That's too fucking bad."

Veronica choked back her drink and stared at her daughter, this time wide eyed. Her mouth opened and closed, searching for the words to respond but Natalie beat her too it, the frustration still rising, like it always seemed to do now.

"I am going to walk around, showing every single mark I can because that's what I want to do." she stood up, pulling up the leg of her shorts, showing her scars off, including the bottom of the J. Her mother was breathing heavy, trying to fight back something that Natalie wasn't sure of. She didn't care either.

"Natalie sit down." Veronica finally growled out. "Stop this right now."

"You going to make me?" Natalie felt a smirk gradually spread across her face at the thought of her mother forcing her to do anything. She knew what the Joker would do in this situation. He wouldn't back down from anything, only letting the truth hang free.

An even sicker thought crossed her mind suddenly and without hesitation, Natalie went with it. "What are you going to do if I don't? Call my daddy on me?"

Her mother stopped for a minute for a minute before looking over to Tim with, clenched teeth. "Go to your room."

"But mom…"

"Now Tim!" she shouted at him causing Tim to jump up and scurry away.

Veronica stood up, staring at her daughter intensely. Natalie thrived off of it, the fear radiating from her mother was driving her further and further to the edge of no return. She was done hiding things or shoving them to the side like before.

"Did you think I forgot mother?" Natalie chewed on the inside of her cheek, feeling her arms begin to shake.

"We should have sent you to Arkham." her mother continued to stare at her.

"Then why didn't you?" Natalie grabbed his shoulder and squeezed hard, digging her fingers into her mother's skin. "Why did you bring me back here?"

She could already tell the next words coming out of her mother's mouth would be a lie so instead Natalie let go of her and walked over to the cupboard, reaching back and wrapping her fingers around the bottle, she knew would be there.

"Old habits die hard?" she waved the bottle before setting it down on the counter and pulling out a glass. She cracked open the bottle and poured it almost up the rim of the cup while humming to herself. When she turned back, her mother was still in the same place but her eyes were locked on the drawer beside Natalie. She looked to Veronica and then back to the drawer before slowly opening it up and reaching it.

"Worried I might want to demonstrate how much I remember about you butchering my dad?" she held up a knife and leaned back against the counter, studying the blade that felt so right in her hand.

"Stop this." her mother's fear had reached an all time high and continued to climb the longer Natalie held the knife between her fingers. She wanted to feel more of that fear, see more of if in the eyes of the woman who had never care about her or protected her from harm. The selfish woman who paraded around, acting like she was the best mother in the world.

The smirk had left her face and was replaced by something entirely different. She could feel her tongue darting out of her mouth, searching for the scars that weren't there. It was like the Joker was in her head, egging her to go further and further with her madness.

"Avoiding the question won't make it go away mother. But we both know that right?" Natalie dropped the knife in the sink and picked up the bottle and glass, walking closer to Veronica. "So come on, just say it outloud. Say what you did to daddy dearest, just admit it."

She could see the hate, the anger and tension in her mother's eyes. "No, I won't say it."

Natalie slammed the bottle and glass down on the table, making the plates shake and not breaking eye contact once with her mother once. Slowly, the laughter in her mind began to get louder and louder until she Natalie realized she was laughing out loud like a maniac.

"I was going to end up like you. Wasting my life away, drinking, fucking random men, overdosing and being a shitty mother until the Joker took me. I feel more alive and free now than I ever had before. He saved me from being a murderous bitch like you." Natalie reached down and pushed the glass of booze closer to her mother, smacking her lips together. "Glug glug Veronica. Don't let it go to waste."

Natalie pushed herself away and heading towards her room, stopping only when she saw Tim's door slam shut. She stood in place for a minute, her old, caring self chiming in on what she should do.

'You're hurting Tim! Stop this craziness.'

The sound of her mother's sobs came from the kitchen, only stopping as she took a sip of her drink. Natalie let out a happy sigh and licked her lips, moving again to her room. She knew she should feel bad about hurting everyone around her but the truth was, she didn't care anymore.

She was free.


	22. It's My Life

"Well now, where shall we begin."

Natalie watched the doctor look between her and her mother before carefully leaning forward, clearing his throat. He addressed Veronica first, studying her every movement including how she shifted away from her daughter.

"Tell me about how Natalie has been since returning home?"

Veronica glanced over to Natalie and back to the doctor. "Different."

"Different how?"

"She's...angier."

Natalie snorted and rolled her eyes.

"Something you would like to add Natalie?"

She sat forward, pressing her elbows into her knees, holding her head steady while she spoke to the doctor. Natalie didn't want to be there and everyone knew it and surprisingly the doctor didn't seem to mind her coldness, when she had walked in and, refused to shake his hand. It was refreshing.

"You won't get anything out of her that's helpful."

"Why is that?"

Natalie paused for a minute, taking in the features the doctor offered. Edmund Jennings was a shorter man with salt and pepper hair, a larger forehead and broad shoulders hidden behind his suit jacket. Her mother had already drank him in like he was a glass of whiskey but the man didn't seem to notice or care.

"Edmund." Veronica interrupted. "The doctors told me she would be withdrawn and depressed but instead she's…"

"Acting out?" he finished for her, still focused on Natalie. "Well normally in these situations I would say the doctors at the hospital were correct. However, the man Natalie was with is on another league of his own. We don't know what happened because Natalie has chosen not to tell us which, is completely fine.."

"So what do I do about it? Will she be normal again?"

Natalie let out a frustrated breath. "I'm right here. You don't have to talk around me."

"Alright then Natalie, I will ask you a few questions then. Just so I can understand what is going on a bit better."

"Ask away doctor." Natalie leaned back on her chair, with her arms crossed over her chest and looking over towards the wall. She didn't care what the doctor thought he would knew about her and what had happened. He would never understand truly what she felt, how awakened and free she finally was.

She could feel his eyes are her for a few second before he cleared his throat and looked down at his notes, beginning to shoot off questions.. "How do you feel about your experience when you were taken?"

"Is that a serious question?" Natalie shook her head. "What do you think it was like?"

He wrote something down before firing off again. "Are you glad you are home with your family and friends?"

She felt her mother's eyes on her, holding her breath, waiting for Natalie to answer.

"Sure." she tried her best to keep the sarcasm down, but it didn't seem to help.

He nodded, writing a long list of things down. She could from the look in his eyes, this one would be difficult to avoid answering.

"How do you feel about the Joker?"

'How do I feel about him?' her mind was laughing at the question. There was no response she could find that made her sound any less crazy than he already thought she was. She missed him and his ways, even when he would poke at her her, like a sleeping bear, waiting for her eyes to snap open and attack. There was no tip toeing around what she thought or felt that wouldn't tell the doctor more than she wanted him to know.

Natalie could feel something creeping inside of her and she grabbed her right wrist to stop her hand from moving down to the scar on her thigh. She kept her breathing steady but she knew something had changed in her face when the doctor didn't push for her to answer.

"Well Natalie, from what I am seeing now plus, with what you mentioned to the nurse at the hospital, I believe you might be suffering from stockholm syndrome. In your situation I am not surprised. Not only that, it would help explain some of the things your mother has written down for me."

"I don't understand. What is that?" Veronica looked at the doctor who was still fixated on Natalie.

"It happens when a person is kidnapped or even in a domestic relationship where the partner is abusive. The victim will begin to have positive feeling for their captor and they even may not hold that person responsible for what happened to them. As for how she is acting, it could be she is still in shock and she is copying her captor's mannerisms in order to adjust. I do believe we can treat her condition over time."

Natalie watched a wave of emotions roll over her mother's face and her hand began to shake. Slowly the doctor reached over and took Veronica's palm and squeezed it tightly. The look that ran over his face was one of caring and softness.

It made Natalie feel sick with disgust.

"With therapy and a supportive home life, Natalie will go back to the way she was before."

'Fat chance doctor.' Natalie bit her tongue from speaking out loud. The man already came to the assumption she was crazy because of the Joker. He didn't seem to realize that, by his standards, she had lost her marbles a long time before that.

"Thank you so much." She could see the tears pricking at her mother's eyes.

"I'm here to help. You have my number if anything pops up." He let go of her hand and cleared his throat, turning back to Natalie. "I think it's best if we meet once a week to keep track of your thoughts and feelings. We need to be aggressive if we want to get this fixed sooner than later."

Natalie felt her wrist twitched, still in her own grasp. She didn't want to be 'fixed' or so he called it. She never wanted to let go of the feeling she got when the Joker touched her or even when she was stabbing into a man's flesh. It was facts she was trying to hide from before but now, they felt too good to let go of. She lightly clenched her teeth against the inside of her cheek, trying to stop herself from chewing, just like he would have done.

"Does that sound alright with you Natalie?" she was pulled away from her deep thoughts by the doctor's voice.

"Huh?"

"I'm sure that will be fine…" Her mother interrupted once again.

"Now Ms. Dowling, it is important we let Natalie speak for herself. She probably didn't feel like she had a voice where she was before. That is something she needs to break free of."

The irony didn't escape her much. It was before all the madness, killing Nicki and meeting the Joker, did she only truly feel like she had no voice. It was her mother who would never listen and her mother who controlled her.

'He had always listened and responded, even if it was to just make fun of me. He heard me and always seemed to understand.'

Natalie didn't bother to ask what had been said, she just nodded with a shrug. "That's fine."

Edmund rushed them out of the room after that, saying he was running a bit behind but that he would see her for their next meeting. He seemed almost too anxious when bidding them goodbye, scurrying out himself like a mouse hurrying to cheese.

Veronica asked the woman at the front office to call a cab and they stood outside, beside each other, staring out at the metal gate and stone driveway. Her mother's body was tense, standing as far away as possible. Natalie watched her like a hawk, disgusted by every little thing her mother did.

'If she is so scared, why does she want me with her so bad?' this wasn't the first time the thought had popped into her mind. The hospital had wanted to keep her longer, Natalie didn't even want to go back with her, but Veronica had insisted on it. Something was wrong with the whole thing, Natalie could feel it.

So she would test the waters.

"I think I should stay here. Get out of your hair."

Her mother's head turned slowly and met Natalie's cold blue eyes. "Edmund said you need a supportive home life meaning you need to be home."

"Home can be anywhere, including here. I am going to check myself in tonight."

Relief washed over her mother's face until something seemed to click in her mind and she turned away again. "No I won't allow it."

'So there is something.' Natalie could tell by her mother's actions that something was up. A small grin came across her face and her blood began to race. 'Well things just keep getting more interesting by the minute.'

"I'll find out whatever you're hiding you know."

She had almost wished the cab wouldn't have rolled up when it did, knowing the conversation with her mother would have been a lot more interesting if it continued. Reluctantly Natalie got into the car, watching the Asylum disappear from her sight.

She turned to her mother, not taking her eyes off the woman for the entire car ride back.


	23. Cheap Thrills

 

 

“Finally.” she breathed a sigh of relief, running her fingers over the newspapers sprawled across the bed. Natalie closed her eyes, forcing the pictures to substitute for the real thing she was missing the most. It had been a week since she had been back and it was becoming all too painfully clear how much her body craved him to be around. 

 

She opened her eyes back up and picked up the paper with the largest photo, holding it closer to her face. 

 

“I don’t want to be here.” she wished he hadn’t asked her what she really wanted because then she could still be with him, curled up beside him, feeling his knife against her skin as she drifted off into sleep. It was getting worse, each day that passed, though, according to Dr. Jennings, she was already getting better. Somehow, she was putting up a good front, opening up about her past just enough that he thought some walls were breaking down. But everything from her past didn’t matter anymore, it wasn’t who she was. She had become a new person the moment Joker had taken her. That’s why she talked about and used it to her advantage. 

 

She never spoke about the Joker though, no matter how many times the good doctor tried to worm it into the conversation. Natalie knew once she started talking about him, it would never stop, like a fast flowing river. 

 

However, she didn’t hate the doctor. He is the one who convinced her mother to leave Natalie alone at the house and suggested she go out and walk, trying to get some normality back into her life. It was how she got these papers and how she got her new prized possession.

 

She held it in the air, twisting and turning the blade, studying it’s features. The moment she had seen it, it made her think of him. Joker would love a blade like this, she just knew it. 

 

It hadn’t been easy to get though. She had to do some dirty work to claim it as hers. 

 

Natalie laughed out loud, remembering every detail of her journey to the outside world. A stop at the grocery store, grabbing every single newspaper she could find, paying with the money she had stolen from her mother’s drinking fund. Then, on her way back, she caught sight of the place and couldn’t stop her feet from going towards it. It had always been there and yet Natalie had never went inside, not once. 

 

_ She pushed open the door and a bell rang loudly. A man appeared from what seemed to be nowhere, just as she made her way to where the knives were. She had pressed her hands against the glass, craving to touch the silver object beneath.  _

 

_ The man pulled it out, without a word and handed it to her. He grinned from ear to ear, nodding his head as he watched her examine the knife in awe.  _

 

_ “I was asking $150 for that one, but for you I can drop it down to $100.”  _

 

_ It was like he had poured a bucket of water on top of her, stopping the dream she was living in. Natalie knew there wasn’t enough money even with the help of her mother’s stash she had taken. For a moment, a panic ran through her, not wanting to leave without taking her new favorite thing.  _

 

_ ‘So take it.’ it was his voice, he had been speaking to her more often now.  She welcomed it like an old friend, finally glad to have someone who seemed to understand again.  _

 

_ “Either give me the cash or hand it back over lady!”  _

 

_ Natalie glanced around the small store, seeing no one was there and then turned back to the man with a grin, slowly creeping to her face.  _

 

_ “No, I think I’ll take it.”  _

 

_ ‘Good girl!’ the Joker was grinning, just as she was.  _

 

_ “Are you crazy? This isn’t a charity!”  _

 

_ ‘He called you crazy!’ The Joker was laughing hysterically now. ‘He hasn’t even seen what crazy looks like yet on you princess! I’ve seen it and it’s beautiful, fits you like a glove.’  _

 

_ “Hello princess! Give me the knife and get out before I call the cops!”  _

 

_ The grin left her face as the words came from his mouth. He didn’t get to call her that, that was Joker’s name for her. Her hands started to shake and she felt her teeth biting down on the inside of her cheek.  _

 

_ “Don’t call me that.”  _

 

_ “I can call you whatever I want to  _ **_princess_ ** _! Now give me….”  _

 

_ Something inside of her snapped and she was over the counter and pinning him to the ground before she even realized her body was moving. She straddled his lap while flicking open the blade, holding it close to his face.  _

 

_ ‘Uh...guess he shouldn’t have said that. Haha!’  _

 

_ “Get off me you stupid bitch!” the more he struggled, the closer she got with the knife until the tip was against his throat. It felt too perfect like this, so close to his skin to draw the blood. Her chest heaved up and down rapidly and her palms were beginning the sweat.  _

 

_ ‘Come on do it! Do it!’  _

 

_ The man watched her with wide eyes before drawing back his head slightly and spitting in her face. Natalie blinked a few times, shocked by the sudden gesture from the man who chuckled at her reaction.  _

 

_ “You don’t have the balls to do anything princess!”  _

 

_ She wiped the spit from her face and slowly, rolled up  up the sleeve on her shirt. Her arms covered in cuts, the went almost up to her elbow. She took the knife and placed it against a clear piece of her own flesh and slowly dragged the knife across. Fresh blood dripped down onto his face and then the terror began to set in.  _

 

_ “I guess you shouldn’t have called me princess.” she raised her eyebrows with another smirk, her arms still shaking. “What? No tough guy attitude now? Nothing to say? Come on now! Where is that smile?”  _

 

_ Something registered in his eyes. “Wwwait a minute. You’re that...that girl the Joker took! Natalie something!”  _

 

_ Natalie let out a small sigh but her eyes were wide as saucers. “You know for a minute, I considered not killing you. But now I kind of have too.” She couldn’t help it as a laugh escaped her mouth and she couldn’t stop not even as she stuffed a dirty cloth into his mouth and held the knife up to the corner of his lips.  _

 

_ “I think I like you better with a smile.” The Joker was laughing with her now, practically begging her to kill him slowly. She pulled the knife back and forth quickly, sawing away at the inside of the man’s cheek, pulling the rag across to muffle the screams so she could only feel the vibrations from his body.  _

 

_ ‘That’s my girl.’ the Joker stood back after she had finished, admiring her work. Slowly she closed the blade and pulled her sleeves. He had stopped screaming but she could still see his chest moving up and down slowly.  _

 

_ “God you’re still alive? I didn’t think a person could put up with that much pain.” she tilted her head the side, watching his eyes open a bit to stare at her.  _

 

_ ‘I did.’ Joker threw in his comment.  _

 

_ “Well I know you did J but you’re different.” Natalie knew he wasn’t there but it felt good to turn and look at the empty wall, imaging he was there.  _

 

_ A tear ran down the man’s cheek and Natalie gave another sigh. “What should I do J?”  _

 

_ ‘You want him dead right?’ he spoke slowly to her. ‘I didn’t think you were that slow princess.’  _

 

_ Natalie turned back to the man and held the blade up above her head. “This may hurt a bit.”  _

_ Without another thought she brought the brought the knife down and jammed it into his skull. Within a few seconds, his chest stopped moving.  _

 

_ “Should have just given me the knife.”  _

 

Natalie was laying back now, clutching on the picture of the Joker tightly, the other pictures scattered around her and crunching underneath the weight of her body. It was times like these when she most missed him. She knew, he would understand the high she was living on as she skipped home, humming to herself, hiding by the jacket she took from the store. No one seemed to notice her, not even the men who were waiting outside her apartment with cameras. She had become a different person completely. 

 

“I need to find him.” she had been thinking it but finally saying it outloud brought some kind of relief to her, like she finally could see the light of it all. Even though she had no idea where to start, she knew where a good place to start would be. 

  
The newspaper articles had told her quite a bit, including that the Joker might be working for the mob and she knew just where to find people who may have the answers for her.  


	24. By Myself

It had been a productive day for Natalie.

She had left the apartment that day, after Tim had headed off to school, feeling more determined than ever before. Her mother, Natalie assumed, was still in bed sleeping since, the door to the room was still closed.

She didn't think too much of it. 'Just the same old Veronica on one of her drinking binges.' Natalie rolled her eyes as she headed out the door and down the familiar street.

The diner was as busy as she remembered but now two new faces greeted her when she walked in. Trixie was nowhere to be seen and even the kitchen staff had changed. For a moment, Natalie had to think back how much time had really passed.

'Life went on without you.' She had been disappointed when her own voice spoke and not his. She hadn't heard his voice playing in her mind since the incident at the pawn shop. It felt like she was gasping for air, the longer she was without his presence, even if it only was her imagination running wild.

'Life can go on for as long as it wants.' she told herself, while taking a seat and ordering a coffee. 'I just want him.'

She was determined to find out the information she needed to find him once again. The diner was always a spot for low level mob members to come to eat, mostly because the food was good and the prices was inexpensive. Most importantly, however, was that no one questioned or bothered with what was being said. Trxie had always told her, if you don't want to be questioned, don't go searching out the information. Forget what you hear when you walk out the door.

Of course, Natalie never truly forgot everything. So when she read about the mob possibly working with the Joker, she knew who to search out. They weren't at their usual table yet, but it was left free and set up, so Natalie knew they would show up at some point.

So now she could only do one thing.

Wait.

It took a hour or so for them to show up, about seven of them taking a seat and turning their coffee cups over. They showed up every Wednesday, eating and drinking the same thing no matter what. Usually, when Natalie would see them walk through the door, she would just hand the pre written order to the kitchen. They were particular and by most people's opinions, strange.

Natalie had always heard bits and pieces, mostly from the loudest speaking when she would pass by the serve other tables. She had gathered, they had all been patients in Arkham, most of them were related to mob families and she assumed they had all become friends either before or while in the joint.

They were the type of men, she knew the Joker would pick to do his dirty work.

She peaked over the newspaper she had grabbed before and watched them, waiting for the moment she had come for. Natalie could feel her hands begin to shake and she slammed the paper shut, clearing her throat.

'Be patient.' she told herself, reaching under the table to feel her J scar through the fabric of her pants. 'If you start acting weird they might catch on.'

"...the Joker is crazy but my brother said it's better if we just help him."

Natalie froze and her heart began to race, unsure if she truly heard what she thought was said. She practically stopped breathing as she leaned forward, telling herself not to reach out and shake the information out of them.

"...Dent? He doesn't think he will be able to kill him? Does he?"

Then the speaking stopped as food was set down. Natalie only waited a few more minutes before getting up and leaving the few dollars for her coffee sitting on the table. She gave one finally look at the diner, before turning away and walking out the door.

Her body was already beginning to react as she walked down the street. The thought of seeing the Joker again made her fingers twitch and her body grow hot, remembering the way he had touched her before.

She wanted to hear his laugh as he called her princess and feel his lips against her skin. She wanted to run her fingers against his scars while he felt every single one of hers, knowing that their imperfections were something to love and not to hate.

She just wanted him in anyway possible.

'He wants to go after Harvey Dent? But when?' the questions swirled in her mind as she walked through her apartment door.

She arrived just in time to catch the mailman who handed her the mail instead of sticking it in the box. He was an older man, who had never been anything but kind to her and apparently anyone else. His kindness however, got him frequently mugged.

'Yet he still wears the same smile everyday.' Natalie nodded goodbye to him and headed towards her home. 'Maybe he is as crazy as me.'

Her mother was still home, she could tell from the empty bottle on the table that hadn't been there when she left and the music now coming from the room. With a roll of her eyes, Natalie kicked off her shoes and lazily glanced through the mail out of curiosity.

There was something with her name on it. Oddly enough there was a symbol in the corner, one she knew was from Gotham's National Bank. Without another thought, Natalie ripped it opened and pulled out the letter along with what appeared to be a folded check.

She had to read it a few times before the message sank in.

* * *

**_Dear Miss Dowling,_ **

**_After speaking to your mother and understanding your situation completely, we have decided to agree to your settlement offer with the condition that this matter does not go any further and will never be spoken of to any person, specifically the media. The full terms will be sent in a separate letter which, should be arriving to you in the next few days._ **

**_We, at the Gotham National Bank, are truly sorry for the misfortune that had come to you and only hope that this money will help in your recovery._ **

**_Please find enclosed the check of the agreed sum which, may be cashed as soon as you feel ready._ **

**_Sincerely,_ **

**_William Stevenson_ **

**Manager at Gotham National Bank**

* * *

"Well looks like I know what she was hiding." Natalie spoke out loud, snorting at her mother's actions. She wasn't surprised how far the woman had gone to, once again, use her daughter for some kind of reward that benefited her. She opened the check and raised her eyebrows at the amount that was written down. Natalie had always doubted her mother's moral but like everyone else, Veronica had a skill that brought her through life.

Deception.

Her mother had always found some way to get what she wanted and apparently Will had fallen for the trick.

"However this does make things a bit more interesting." Natalie stuffed the letter and the check into her pocket and turned to head down to her room when the phone began to ring. Usually she wouldn't care about who was calling but with a sigh, she decided to answer.

"Hello?" she spoke in a dull tone.

"Ah Natalie! Just who I was looking for!" She recognized Dr. Jennings voice instantly and let out a groan, remembering she had missed the last session with him the day before. She didn't need anyone breathing down her neck right now about such trivial things.

"What do you want Edmund?" he insisted she called him by his first name, to make things more personal and comfortable between them.

He didn't seem to take her cold tone to heart, as he usually didn't. "Well I was hoping to bring something up to you last session but since you missed it, I was hoping you could meet with me today to discuss it."

"When would you like this to happen?" she wished he could see her sneer into the phone.

"As soon as you can. I have another colleague who will be joining us in the discussion. It's his work and he has picked you personally to be apart of it."

"I'm not a science project doc."

He let out a laugh. "Natalie, please just come discuss it with me. That way I won't have to report that you missed a session with me."

Then he hung up the phone.

"Guess saying no isn't an option." she muttered to herself.


	25. Give Into Me

Natalie was not too pleased about being in the corner, she had been back into. She took a cab down to the Asylum, watching the number of people on the sidewalk slowly deplete the closer she got to her destination. The familiar stone driveway and black gates came into view and she couldn't help but let out a sigh.

This was the last place she wanted to be right now. There was so many things she needed to do to get ready for her mission that would have to happen tonight. She needed to focus on finding the Joker again. It was getting harder for her to pretend to be together and not angry with everything around her.

She spotted her doctor waiting for her at the front door, in his expensive looking suit and shiny shoes. It was a change from the man she usually saw, who usually looked like he had thrown on the first thing that smelled alright on his floor.

"Ah Natalie." Edmund slowly walked towards her as she stepped out of the cab. "Glad you could make it so quickly."

"Not like I had much of a choice." she grumbled, glancing over her shoulder as the cab pulled away.

Edmund let out a nervous laugh, again something she wasn't use to from the doctor, at least not with her. She didn't seem to make him uncomfortable or scare him no matter how much she had tried. A cold chill ran up her spine and she was convinced something was wrong.

"Let's head to the office, shall we?" He took the lead and she made sure to keep a good distance from him despite the fear going through her body.

'This is sickening.' her mind hissed. 'Pull it together.'

Edmund stopped at his office door, with his hand on the knob, almost frozen to the spot. Natalie could see the back of his white shirt drenched with a layer of sweat. She gave him a minute, curious on how long his abnormal actions would continue.

"Are we going in?" she snapped at him finally, causing the doctor to jump slightly.

"Hehe yes, sorry. Something was on my mind for a moment."

He opened the door and stepped in, letting Natalie follow in behind him. Sitting at Edmund's desk was a man she had never seen before but she could tell he was the reason her doctor was shaking in his boot.

"Dr. Strange I hope you haven't been waiting long." Natalie held back a smirk, hearing Edmund's shaky voice.

She studied the man before them. he looked to be of average height though, it was hard to tell with him sitting and he had a hard jaw, lined with thick black hair. His glasses were the roundest she had ever seen on anyone and he wore a small smile on his face.

"Not very long Dr Jennings." His voice was cool as he leaned forward, lacing his fingers towards. Despite him answering Edmund, his eyes were locked onto her.

"Take a picture doctor. It will be here much longer than I will." She knew it was a bad idea to poke the beast, but she couldn't help herself. His stare was making her feel like she was some kind of science project gone wrong.

She could feel Edmund tense up beside her.

"Ah, you must be Natalie. I've heard about your charm." He let out a deep chuckle. "I am assuming Dr. Jennings did not talk to you about why you are here."

"He said something about a group you are making. I'm not interested."

"You haven't even heard my proposal." He sat back and held open his hands.

"Look doc, I really don't care who you are. I don't even care that Edmund here seems to be wetting his pants at the sight of you. The answer is no, it is going to stay a no. I've got better things to do."

For a moment, Dr Strange's face twitched, and Natalie thought he was about to lose it. Until he threw back his head and let out a loud, hearty laugh.

"Now you have me even more curious about your outcome." he wiped away at his eyes. "It would be most interesting I'm sure."

Natalie crossed her arms. She was become less fearful of the man and more annoyed than anything.

"I know you insist on holding no interest but indulge me a little." His eyes flicked over to Edmund. "Why don't you leave us for a few minutes to talk in private."

"Yes sir." Edmund ran from the room like a dog with a tail between his legs.

Her gut began to turn again. Natalie had the sense that being alone with this man wasn't the smartest idea but at the moment she felt she was at Arkham's mercy. If she didn't at least listen, they could commit her on the spot.

That would be the worst thing to happen.

'Guess I better just listen.'

"Now Natalie. I must tell you how selective this little side project of mine is. Not everyone off the street is chosen. You have to possess certain qualities in order to even be considered."

"Just tell me what it is." She flopped down in the chair across from him with her arms still crossed.

"Have you heard of a metahuman before?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "Sounds like some kind of fucked up half human."

He let out another small laugh. "Well I suppose you are correct. Think of Superman, who appears to be human yet possesses great powers."

He continued before she could say anything. "I have been most curious for some time what exactly makes these metahumans have these powers. The subjects I have personally chosen will be given a serum I have developed, that will enhance certain parts of the brain to hopefully develop them into something like a metahuman."

Suddenly it clicked in her mind what he was trying to say. "You essentially want to mess with our brain chemistry?"

He shrugged. "Think of it as a small price to pay for greatness."

"How do you know what powers everyone will get?" Natalie found herself asking.

"I have come to believe that we all have potential in our minds that has yet to be unlocked. The serum will activate those. So there is no way of telling what the outcome will be."

The entire idea was causing Natalie's brain to spin. He wanted her, for whatever reason to become, some kind of superhero. There was no telling what the consequences were of any of it and even if he knew, Dr. Strange probably wouldn't let her know.

"I appreciate the offer," Natalie couldn't hide her sarcasm. "But the answer is no."

"Well Natalie that is unfortunate to hear." He cleared his throat and stood up. "I had thought perhaps you would reasonable to talk to, especially with the help I can give you with your other problem."

She followed his suit, standing up and letting out a small laugh. He had no idea what she wanted in her life. "What other problems could you help me with Dr Strange?"

"I can help you find the Joker."

She had begun turning away when she heard his words that frozen her to the spot. She hesitated, unsure what answer to give him. She could be honest with him and ask him how he could help or play dumb. She chose the latter. "Who says I want to find him?"

"Don't be coy with me Natalie. We know much more about you then you would even know about yourself. I also know that you won't find him going through those gones you found at the diner. I can help you with that much more. But of course everything comes at a price."

She was turned back to him but didn't move from her spot. Natalie studied him for another moment, trying to find some kind of sign that she could trust him. When nothing jumped out to her she knew it was better to bite the bullet than to keep herself wondering.

"What would be the point of taking the information if you just want to throw me in your testing?"

He sighed, taking a seat again and writing something on a piece of paper, folding it up in half and holding it out to her. "You see Natalie, I would much rather see first, what happens when you find the Joker again. He is quite a character but for some reason you have caught his eye. That makes you equally interesting. My trial is still in the first stages and I can wait to enter you into it when you come back here as a permanent residence."

"Who says I will be back?"

A snake like grin appeared on the doctor's face. "Oh don't worry, I have a good feeling this will not be the last time we meet. But if I am wrong, then you can consider this as an act of good faith on my part." he waved the paper that was still between his fingers, waiting to be taken.

'It's your best shot.' she knew it was true and yet, she felt like by taking the paper, she was making a deal with the devil.

'You've already done worse.' the sing song voice in her head was, sadly, her own.

"If this doesn't lead to anything, our deal is off." slowly, her shaky hand reached out and took the paper from him.

"I am not worried. My sources have always been right. I trust they will be this time as well. Now run along Miss Dowling, I am sure you will have many things to sort out before tomorrow night. Oh and send Dr Jennings back in on your way out."

She didn't question him and took off out of the room before he could change his mind.

Edmund was waiting outside the door, pacing from one wall to the other. His forehead was wrinkled and he wiped the sweat from his forehead with some sort of cloth that seemed glued to his hand.

"Hey, Strange told me to send you back in."

For a moment, they locked eyes and she could see the terror shining through them.

"Yes, well thank you Natalie." He gave her a final looked before going in, one she had never seen on him before and that she couldn't put her finger on.

She made her way back towards the front door, staring out for the cab the secretary had told her that she called. The piece of paper was still in her hand and slowly, she unfolded it looking over the words a few times until she sunk in.

_Bruce Wayne's Penthouse_

_7:30pm_

_Harvey Dent fundraiser_

Natalie had heard about it through the paper, Bruce Wayne's party was to be filled with the most influential people in honor of the man who was helping clean up the streets of Gotham. Her mind flashed back to the diner.

"He wants Dent…" the boys had mentioned Harvey Dent and it didn't make sense until now.

A grin appeared on her face.

'Looks like Strange was on the ball with this one.'

The cab came into view and a happy sigh left her lips. Things were coming together better than before.

'Uh...so now all we need is a plan princess.' his voice took her off guard and Natalie's heart began to race.

He was back in her mind and it was like music to her ears. She was getting closer to being back with him, closer than she had been in the past few weeks. Natalie stepped into the cab, closing her eyes and leaning her head against the window.

It was almost like he was right beside her.


	26. Cry Mama

 

The next day, Natalie kept herself busy, locked in her room planning what she needed to do. She sat on the bed, crossed legged, in some ratty old t-shirt with her hair wrapped up in a towel, chewing on the end of a pen. 

 

In the perfect world, she could walk into Bruce Wayne’s Penthouse without anyone stopping her and then go from there. But she knew it wouldn’t be that easy, especially since no one would really know who she was or what she was doing here. With all the worries of the Joker running around the city like wildfire, they would turn her away in a second. 

 

On a piece of paper were her ideas, each of them scratched out aside from the last line that had dark circles around it. She had gone through each one, thinking about every part that could go well in her favor and then everything that could go wrong. 

 

She enjoyed the planning, find the holes in each plan, poking them out like festering mold in an old building. It kept her busy and her mind focused, the anxiety of everything seeming to be at a stand still. 

 

Of course the Joker helped with all of the planning. 

 

‘Princess, you really are a special kind of fucked up.’ she could see him dancing around her room, even if no one else could. He had been poking fun at her every time she thought about him helping her.  

 

‘Uh...you know this is all just you right?’ he let out a loud, cackling laugh. ‘This is all in your mind.’ 

 

“It sounds better when you say it.” she muttered, setting her pen down and reached beside the bed, pulling up a box of things she had collected the day before. A lot of it, she stole from her mother’s room when she had went out, but a few others came from her closet. She had only went out to buy one thing. 

 

Slowly she began to lay each item out, taking a second study each and every single piece. The pants were plain, black and the shirt was a button up, white and long sleeved to hide the scars on her wrist. The shoes were simple running shoes, also black which, she had used when she worked at the diner and a large, shoulder bag that she had from when she was younger. Natalie slowly pulled out the next thing she had taken from her mother while the woman was passed out. 

 

The metal was cool against her fingers and was lighter than she had expected it to be. She held up the gun, closing one eye and aiming towards her closet door. She had never held a gun before last night when she went out to practice shooting, in one of the old, abandoned buildings a few blocks away. Early in the day, she had looked up online about how to operate it properly and had somehow managed to get the hang of it. Her mother had kept a good stash of bullets, so Natalie was able to get a lot of practice. 

 

The last item in the box, she had went out to buy as soon as she left the Asylum. The idea to get it popped up into her mind almost instantly when she began to think about coming up with a plan. She stood up with it, the papers falling from her lap onto the ground, and stood in front of the mirror, holding it up to her face. 

 

Staring back at Natalie was not her own face, but a clown mask, similar to the one the Joker had when he robbed the bank. Natalie couldn’t help but let out a small sigh, thinking back to how cruel she was to him back then. 

 

‘If only you understood how much better life was than this. Being locked in a room was better than being trapped, pretending to be something I am not.’ 

 

Her heart ached for the Joker, making her want to jump the gun and go off the script for her plan. But Natalie knew how foolish that would be and in the end, it would more than likely be the thing that stopped her from finding him again.

She tossed the mask onto the bed and turned, glancing at the block that sat on her nightstand. A small grin crept to her face as she ripped the towel from her head and shook her hair out, running her fingers through her new, dark locks before pulling her hair back into a tight bun on the top of her head. 

 

Quickly Natalie changed into her new clothing, sticking the gun, knife and mask into her bag, standing in front of the mirror again, staring at herself intensely. Her heart raced when it fully hit her that she would be able to see him again, reach out and touch him, kiss him. 

 

She was pulled from her thoughts when she heard a crash and someone yelling. 

 

“Guess that’s my cue.” she turned on her heel, grabbing the envelope that sat on her desk, she had opened the day before and taking one last look at her room. Natalie knew there should be some kind of remorseful feeling for everything that had and would happen. But there was nothing she felt that would even come close to that. She opened the door and walked out, slamming it loudly.  

 

“Mom stop this!” Tim’s voice rang out, getting louder and she came closer to the kitchen. The sound of a smashing bottle hit her ears just as she stepped into the doorway, looking at the pair who she had once called her family. Tim glared at Veronica, his face slightly red and his fists balled at his sides. It reminded Natalie of a time long ago, when that was her fighting against her mother’s addiction. 

 

They hadn’t noticed her, even as she stood for another moment. She watched her mother looking down at the broken bottle, the rage begging to build in her eyes. Natalie just couldn’t help herself, it was getting too easy for her. 

 

“Have a few too many Veronica?” she leaned against the doorway,  tilting her head with a smirk. “Just a typical Saturday night right?” 

 

Veronica slowly turned her head and looked at her, the rage burning more brightly and she took a step towards her daughter, her body trembling. They locked eyes after her mother glanced at her hair.  Neither of them moved for a moment before her mother finally spoke. 

 

“What the hell do you want Natalie?” 

 

Natalie pushed herself from the door frame and moved closer to her mother so they were only inches away from each other. She held the letter up at their eye level and pulled it away as Veronica reached out to grab it. 

 

“I was surprised to find out how much money I was getting from the bank that I didn’t even know about. Although, the check was made out to you so maybe it was suppose to be a delightful surprise.” Natalie sneered. 

 

“That money is to help us.” her mother wobbled on the spot. “After what happened to you…” 

 

“Oh god. Cut the crap!” Natalie screamed in her face. “You wanted that money for yourself! There is enough there, that you would be living on easy street for the next year or two! Don’t try and say you were trying to help anyone but yourself!”

 

“I deserve it!” her mother reached out, grabbing onto her shoulder and squeezing. “I’ve put up with you since you got back! Walking around here, a danger to me and your brother! You could kill us in our sleep! Edmund says you weren’t capable of that but you put on a nice show for him don’t you!” 

 

Natalie yanked Veronica’s hand away from her shoulder and took a step back, letting out a loud laugh. “Where do you think I learned it from hmm? You’ve been putting on a show for years now! Pretending to be someone we should all feel sorry for.” Natalie threw back her head again, unable to stop herself from howling with laughter. “Poor Veronica, no one to help her. None of the men stayed around to help her raise those two bastard children. Whatever will she do?” 

 

“You’re insane.” Veronica’s eyes were wide and she shook her head. “You’re a monster.” 

 

“No! I’m free. Free to be whoever the fuck I want. I’m not going to end up like you Veronica, not anymore. However…” Natalie held up the letter. “I am going to teach you a lesson to not fuck with me anymore.” 

With that Natalie began to tear the envelope into pieces. 

 

Veronica let out a scream and launched herself towards her daughter the best she could, stumbling a bit as she held her fists up. Natalie moved quicker, mostly due to her mother’s drunkenness, pulling out her knife and flipped it open. Veronica stopped before she landed a punch, frozen to the spot. 

 

“Don’t you even try.” Natalie growled, moving closer with the knife still pointed at her. “I will gut you just like you did to daddy. If you don’t believe me, press your luck, see what happens. I’m not afraid to kill you.” 

 

“The bank owed you.” tears were beginning to stain her mother’s cheeks. “They know someone in the bank helped those clowns. If that person wouldn’t have helped, you would have never been taken.” 

 

“Can I tell you something?” Natalie lowered her voice and dropped her knife to her side. “That person, was me. I helped them get into that safe, that’s why I took a job there.” 

 

Veronica shook her head, confused at her daughter’s words. “No, I don’t understand why you would help him?” 

 

“You owed him.” Tim’s voice came from nowhere and the two woman turned to him, both forgetting he was even in the room. “That’s who was in your room that night wasn’t it?” 

 

“What?” Veronica asked. 

 

“I was going ask you about it and then I was taken away. None of it made sense until now but I knew you were acting weird.” Tim finally looked up and met Natalie’s eyes. “He helped you dump the body right?” 

 

“Tim what are you talking about?” Veronica spoke up again. “What body?” 

 

“Nicki’s.” Tim was trying to hold back tears but now one had escaped and ran down his cheek. “You killed him didn’t you?” 

 

Natalie couldn’t help but grin at her brother. “Still smarter than both of us, isn’t he Veronica? At least someone in this family will make it to college.” 

 

She could sense someone moving towards her again and she turned quickly and slammed her mother against the wall, holding the knife up to her throat. Natalie let out a little sigh before glancing at the clock and turning back to Veronica. 

 

“As much as I would love to stay and chat I really just don’t have the time. I’ve got some important places to be tonight. So I am going to strike a deal with you and before you say no, trust me, I think you will be interested.” 

 

No one moved or spoke so Natalie continued. 

 

“Here’s the deal, I am leaving and I promise you I will never be coming back here again. So, as long as you don’t call the cops on me, I don’t have to tell Gotham’s finest to start poking around about Daniel, Veronica and Natalie Mitchells from Metropolis.” 

 

He mother didn’t say a word, just watched her wide eyed. 

 

Natalie let out an irritated sigh. “You can speak.” 

 

“So you want to blackmail me?” her mother’s voice was hoarse and shaky. “You want to blackmail me so I don’t get you put where you belong?” 

 

“You call it blackmail. I call it telling the truth.” Natalie pressed her blade into her mother’s skin a bit deeper. “So what will it be Veronica?” 

 

She already knew the answer before the words left her mother’s mouth. The woman had been on the run for years, hiding away the crimes she had committed. Natalie had watched her deal with the consequences all these years. 

 

There was no way she was giving that up. 

 

“Get out of my house. Never come back.” 

 

She pulled the knife away and shut it with a grin. “Perfect. I knew you would see things my way.” 

 

Natalie couldn’t help but skip towards the door, humming the tune she had heard from the Joker a few times. She placed her hand on the knob and turned it when something came flying past her head and smashed against the wall. 

 

“How could you do this!” Tim had followed her, the tears long gone and the anger apparent on his face. “We are a family! You were like my best friend! You betrayed us!” 

 

Her mother was behind him, trying to pull him back away to let Natalie leave. But he wouldn’t stop, ripping away from Veronica’s grip and advancing on his sister. He stopped a few steps away from her, staring at her until she finally broke the silence. 

 

“I had a family once too. That didn’t include you Tim. I had a mother and a father who didn’t give a shit about me. Then one day mommy made my daddy go away.” She scrunched her nose and reached out, digging her nails into his arm. “You had a good life compared to what I went through and that wasn’t because of dear old Veronica over there. Don’t forget who clothed you, fed you and put a roof over your head.” 

 

“You don’t think I know that! I want my sister Natalie back!” 

 

She yanked her arm away leaving fresh marks across his skin. She pulled open the door and let out a small chuckle, using a taunting voice. “Here I thought you were all grown up Tim. Your big sister Natalie is gone forever and I’m here to stay.” 

 

She pulled the door open and walked out, not bothering to slam it behind her. Natalie was done wasting time with her old life. She had a new one to run along and get too. One that only herself and the man she loved. 

 

There was no turning back now.


	27. We Are the Ones

Natalie had been watching from across the street for a few minutes, a cell phone pressed to her ear and a sour look on her face. People who passed by moved away from her as far as possible as she began to scream into the phone. 

 

They thought she was some mad woman having a fight with her boyfriend and the people across the street would surely see the same thing. Finally, she took the phone away, shoving it into her pocket and made her way across the street when there was no one else trying to enter the building, 

 

“Excuse me miss, I need to see some ID.” Natalie knew she would be stopped even when she tried to move right past him. They would be idiots not too with all the chaos that had been happening around Gotham lately. 

 

“Oh yeah sure.” Natalie reached into her pockets, knowing that there was nothing there and then she opened the zipper on her bag slightly, just enough to reach her hand in. She tried to picture how she would feel if this was her life and tried to make it apparent on her face. 

 

“Are you kidding me?” she ripped her hand out and shut her bag. “No please don’t tell me I forgot it.” she patted her pockets again. Finally she looked up at the guard, trying her best to force tears to come to her eyes. “Please, I have to get up there. I’m late for my new job and I need this job. I’m with the serving company and….” somehow she managed to make the tears well up. She glanced up at the man and watched as he ate it up like a plate of cake. 

 

“Look I can’t…” 

 

“No, no I get it it.” she turned away from him and started to walk away, wiping the false tears away from her cheeks. 

 

‘When did you get so good at being pathetic?’ The Joker asked her with a cackle. ‘Then again, I don’t think he is going to fall for it. You’re not that  _ good _ .’ he let the last word roll off his tongue.

 

For a moment, Natalie doubted he would call back to her. Her heart almost began to sink, until she heard him stutter out. 

 

“Wait come back!” he waved at her frantically as she almost made it to the street. Slowly Natalie turned and moved back to him, holding back the smirk that wanted to grace her lips badly. The man looked around for a moment before leaning in closer to her. 

 

“I’m not suppose to do this, but I can see you’re having a rough day and you look like a nice girl. This time you get a free pass but don’t you go telling anyone. Next thing I know it will be my ass on the line.” 

 

“Thank you.” the words felt like a joke that she wasn’t suppose to laugh at, despite how amusing it truly was. She practically ran into the building and moved towards the elevator. She pressed the button and tapped her foot while she waited for it to come back down but much to her surprise, it wasn’t empty. 

 

“Which floor miss?” 

 

‘God do these rich people need everything done for them?’ 

 

“Top floor.” she stepped in, keeping a tight grip on her bag. 

 

The ride to the top was long, not surprisingly because of how tall the building was. When they finally did arrive, the door opened to a herd of people dressed in gowns and suits. Natalie couldn’t help but feel slightly overwhelmed by the sight of it all. She had never been around this many people at once let alone in the penthouse. 

 

“Good evening miss.” an older man with an accent greeted her as she stepped out. “Here for the party?” 

 

“No,” she shook her head, bringing herself back to reality. “I mean, yes but I am working it. I’m running a bit late.” 

 

“Of course, just go down the hallway,” he pointed to the right. “You will find the others already working.” 

 

She nodded and turned on her heel, heading towards the hallway. 

 

“Wait miss!” The man took a step towards her and she looked back at him. There was a look in his eye that Natalie had hoped she wouldn’t see in anyone. It was like he was trying to place her from somewhere but couldn’t quiet figure it out. But then, some other thought crossed his mind and he gave her a small smile. “Good luck tonight.” 

 

She couldn’t bring herself to respond, afraid her facade would be too hilarious to herself and she would burst out in laughter. He didn’t even realize what he was wishing her luck for. 

 

Natalie made her way down the hallway, looking over her shoulder to make sure no one was watching before she grabbed onto a door handle and pushed it open, slipping in before anyone around could stop her. The room was huge, clearly something that wasn’t used very often as there was boxes of wine stacked around the floor. 

 

‘Find somewhere to hide princess.’ he was back again, egging her own with each move she made. Natalie was grateful for the company he would give while she waited for the real version of the clown prince to show up. 

 

Natalie quickly opened on the door to what she found was a closest and slipping into it, using her phone as light to make sure she didn’t trip and knock herself out cold. The closest was larger than her bedroom and was barely filled with anything besides a few suits and shoes. She took a seat onto the floor, opening her bag and pulling out her weapon and mask. 

 

‘God these people are stupid. No one thinks to check bags?’ she scoffed while finally letting the smirk glide across her face. She could hear the muffled sounds of talking coming from where the party was and after what felt like forever, she heard a loud round of applause.

 

Then it hit her, like a ton of bricks as she grabbed the gun. 

 

This was happening. She was going to see him again. 

 

Without hesitation she reached down, rubbing harshly where her branding mark from the Joker was underneath her pants and let her head bang gently against the shelf she was sitting up against. 

 

‘So close princess.’ she could see him beside her, pulling her close against her and turning her face roughly towards him.  ‘You can’t chicken out now.’ 

 

“I’m not.” she whispered. “I want to be with you so badly.” 

 

‘So put on the mask and let’s get this show on the road.’ 

 

Natalie didn’t have to be told twice, she stood up, placing the gun on the shelf before bending over to grab the mask the the knife. She shoved the knife into her back pocket for safe keeping and the mask, she slipped over her head. Her face already began to feel clammy and the air around her got hot. 

 

‘Almost time.’ He clapped his hands and laughed. 

 

“How will I know?” she asked. 

 

‘Oh trust me. You’ll know.’ 

 

Natalie felt her body tremble as she stood in the same position, waiting for something to trigger in her mind to tell her to jump out and find the Joker. After that she wasn’t sure what was going to happen or what she needed to do. 

 

**BANG**

 

That was her sign, she could just feel it in her bone. She kicked the bag away from her feet and tossed her cell phone against the ground, knowing she would have no use for those things anymore, regardless of what was going to happen. 

 

Her legs began to move even though she wasn’t fully aware of it. A wave ran over her and she felt like her present changed into a dream. She left the closest and moved out of the room, readying her gun incase she needed to shoot. 

 

“Hey anyone in there?” she froze up when someone spoke to her. Natalie looked up and felt her body relax slightly. A man with pantyhose over his face, painted like a clown, was waiting for her to respond to him. 

 

Slowly she shook her head no and he turned away, going further down the hall. She could hear a voice echoing in the silence of the once overwhelmingly loud room. Her feet took small steps until she could finally see the backs of some of the guests. 

 

The voice was louder now and it was the sound she longed to hear. Natalie felt her eyes go wide and her mouth begin to water as her steps became more frantic. A few people turned to her as she pushed through but moved away quickly as she pointed her gun to them. 

 

Finally she was close enough she could see the back of him and she almost couldn’t stop herself from running towards him and grabbing onto him. 

 

‘He’s busy Natalie. Be patient.’ this time it was her own voice that had come back, guiding her along. 

 

“...I hated my father!” His voice was like music to her ears even when it wasn’t directed at her. 

 

“Okay stop.” A voice interrupted him from the other side of the room. Natalie knew the woman from the papers. Rachel Dawes stepped forward from the crowd, crossing her arms as the Joker turned to her. 

 

“Well hello beautiful.” the man he had been confronting before was pushed into the crowd as he began to walk towards her, pushing his hair from his face and liking his scars. “You must be Harvey’s squeeze.” 

 

Something turned inside of Natalie at his words and her arm began to shake. An urge began to rise in her which, she had to fight off. She wanted to march over to the dark haired woman, pull out her knife and gut her in front of everyone. 

 

“And you are beautiful.” he was inches away from her, circling around her like prey.

‘He doesn’t want you.’ her inner voice screamed. ‘He’s forgotten you already!’ 

 

Rachel flinched every time the Joker got closer and Natalie wanted at her fear, at how cowardly the woman was. She told herself he wouldn’t want a woman like that but still jealous swirled around her like a virus. 

 

“You look nervous, is it the scars?” he asked. “Wanna know how I got ‘em? Come here.” he grabbed the back of her head, holding the knife up to her face. “I had a wife, beautiful, like you, who tells me I worry too much. Who tells me I oughta smile more. Who gambles and gets in deep with the sharks.” Rachel tried to move away but he pulled her back. “One day they carve her face and we have no money for surgeries and she can’t take it. I just want to see her smile again, I just want her to know I don’t care about the scars. So I stick a razor in my mouth and do this to myself and you know what? She can’t stand the sight of me! She leaves and now I see the funny side. Now I’m always smiling….” 

 

Natalie felt her heart stop. That wasn’t what he told her had happen. ‘Did he lie to me or her?’ 

 

Suddenly she watched Rachel reach out and punch him in the stomach. The Joker let out a laugh as he stumbled back, advancing towards her just as quick as he was sent back. “You got a little fight in you. I like that.” 

 

“Then you’re gunna love me.” 

 

Natalie wasn’t even sure what had happened until the fighting had stopped. Batman was there, wrestling with the goonies who were closest to the Joker. Somehow the Joker had got a gun and now had Rachel wedged between his arm and chest with a gun pointed towards her. 

 

“Drop the gun.” Batman’s deep voice echoed as he stared down the Joker. 

 

“Oh sure. You just take off your little mask and show us who you really are. Hmmm?” he laughed, reaching back and shooting out the window. He dragged Rachel over, hanging her out above the city by one arm. 

 

“Let her go.” 

 

“Very poor choice of word.” A look crossed the Joker’s voice and he let out another cackle, letting go of Rachel’s arm and letting her drop. Batman launched himself towards the window and was gone, following the woman to the ground. 

 

‘See he didn’t care about her.’ she watched him as he headed towards the elevator, whispering something to one of his goonies. Without a moment, the man was in front of her, grabbing onto her shirt, dragging her off with him. She only fought for a minute, more so because she hadn’t expected to be grabbed. Natalie was pushed to the back of the lift, with the same man still beside her, now pointing his gun at her. He held her by the shirt and pulled her out of the building, still following the others and into the alleyway. A van sat there, already running with a man in the driver’s seat waiting. Natalie was dragged to the back of the van and tossed in like an old sac, her back landing hard on the cold floor of the vehicle. She let out a groan but wasn’t in any kind of pain, not even as the other men hopped in, practically walking overtop of her.  

 

She didn’t even realize the Joker was in the back with him until he started talking. 

 

“Well, well, well. What do we have here?” he was crouching over top of her, grabbing onto her shoulder, the knife still in her hand. “I didn’t realized we were going to have a surprise guest today.”

 

Natalie tried to speak but the words wouldn’t come out. Here he was, in front of her, his hands on her once again. It was a moment she had been waiting for, for what felt like an eternity. She wanted to reached out and hug him, taking in his scent, feeling his warmth around her but Natalie knew better than to do that. 

 

‘He does have a reputation to uphold.’ 

 

“Looks like we have a dud! Are you in there?” he gripped her tighter before licking his lips and reaching for her face. “Don’t tell me, it’s the scars right?” he laughed wildly before grabbing onto her mask and ripping it off her face. 

 

Their eyes met and Natalie could feel her breath becoming ragged. She could see the flash of surprise and then it was quickly replaced by amusement. 

 

_ “ _ Well hello  _ princess.”  _ watching her name leave his lips made her body shiver with delight. 

 

“Hey.” she couldn’t think of what else to say. 

 

They stared at each other for another moment before he looked up at all his goonies with a grin. “Change of plans boys, I’ll be dealing with this one personally when we get back. Sorry to disappoint!” he jumped back up and sat down on one of the makeshift sets, leaving her on the ground. 

 

She met his eyes again, feeling her teeth clamp down on the inside of her cheek, stopping her hand from snaking down to where his mark lay on her body. He watched her the entire ride back, there was no smile or chuckle leaving his throat. 

 

‘Maybe he can’t believe you found him?’ 

 

She couldn’t be sure. Either way she was with him again and nothing was going to tear them apart. 

  
  
  
  
  
  



	28. I Want to Surrender

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! I know I don't usually make notes but I have just created a page on facebook for my AO3 account and would really appreciate if you would head over and give me a like! I will be posting sneak peaks, updates and other fun goodies on the page and not only that I would love to hear from you all! Here is the link (just take out the spaces) 
> 
> https : / / www . facebook . com / AO3dreamqueen /

She was carried into the building and up the stairs, only catching glances of the run down house around her. She was held over his shoulder like a sack of rice, the blood pooling to the top of her head and making her see double.

None of that truly mattered to Natalie. Even being close to the Joker this way made her heart sing. Not that he had said another word to her since their interaction in the van. It made her wonder just exactly what was going through his mind.

'Where will you go if he tosses you out?' her inner voice asked, more worried than she had ever heard it in a long time. Natalie didn't know the answer to the question, she didn't even want to think of the possibilities of any of it.

He was shoving a door open now, pushing it in with his shoulder and her legs. He flicked the light switch on and next thing Natalie knew, she was falling, landing hard on what she figured was a bed. When she pushed herself and looked around, it all hit her where she exactly was.

"You brought me back here." this was the room she had first woke up in with him. The room where she had hated and loved him, where she killed a man and where she found herself. It felt more like home then the apartment with her mother and brother ever did.

"Well, duh. Where else would I go." he shut the door, turning the lock and looking back at her. "I have to say princess, I think I liked you better as uh _blonde._ "

She had missed him so much, she didn't even care that he was toying with her at this point. Slowly, she stood up and made her way towards him, never breaking eye contact and stopped only inches away. Natalie reached up towards his face, unable to stop her desire to have her skin against his again.

He grabbed her hand before she could reach his cheek. The rejection hit her hard and she felt it pull at her heartstrings.

"Uh, I don't know what game you're playing but last time we spoke, I remember you saying you didn't want to be here and now you have came back on your own." he gripped her wrist tighter. "That sounds pretty odd to me."

"I'm not playing a game." she tried to tell him but it seemed to fall flat to the ground. He reached up, grabbing the back of her head, the same as he had done to Rachel at the party, and held the knife up to her face. If it was before, Natalie would have tried to pull away or been frozen with fear but now she stayed still, unafraid of him.

"How did you find me?" he growled, digging his nails into her scalp.

"Someone told me…"

He yanked on her hair slightly. "Don't uh, bullshit me princess."

"I'm not." she met his eyes, hoping he could see the truth. "I made a deal with the devil to find you."

"Well that sounds like fun." he let go of her hair and pushed her away suddenly and Natalie fell to the floor with a thud. The Joker wasn't letting her off easy and she felt a fire bubble inside of her. He didn't get to toss her away like trash, not after everything she had done and see just to be back by his side again.

"You have no idea what I have been through the find you." she stood up and stormed back towards him. "Then I come back here and you push me away. Do you want me to leave? Then just say so!" she went to move past him, hoping he would stop her which, he did. But with the answer she had been hoping for.

"Even if I wanted you to leave, there would be no way you're going." he dragged her back towards the bed and shoved her down before turning to the bathroom and shutting the door. She could hear him staring the shower and beginning to hum to himself.

'He doesn't even care!' Natalie's head began to ache at it all as, the voice in her mind was screaming at her.

"No!" she found herself standing up again and curling her fist. She needed answers from him and she wasn't afraid to break the rules anymore. Natalie needed to take control, something she had never done until lately. She had to make him see that she was strong and capable enough to be by his side.

Without another thought she stormed into the bathroom and slamming the door shut.

"Well somebody grew some balls in her time away." she heard him chuckle through the sounds of the water hitting the shower floor.

"You don't get to just walk away when I ask you something! I've waiting for so long to see you again and all you do is push me away! I asked if you wanted me to leave, I think you can at least tell me that!"

He laughed again, much to Natalie's annoyance. "Princess, you're gunna have to wait until I'm finished. I'd rather have this conversation _face to face."_ she could heard the words rolling from his tongue.

'Take control.' the inner voice egged her on and it took her a minute to realize what it was telling her to do.

"Fine." she finally spoke up after a moment. "I'll come in then."

Natalie could feel the air begin to get tense as she dropped her pants and unbuttoned her shirt as quickly as her shaky hands would let her. Her heart raced faster with each movement her hands made until she was finally bare, her new dark hair tumbling down onto her chest.

She took a final breath before pushing back the curtain slightly and stepping into the steamy shower and looked up, finding herself meeting his eyes. His face was free from the makeup and his hair clung around his face. He wore an expression she never remembered seeing this vividly in him before.

"So," she put her hands on her hips. "Let's talk."

He raised his eyebrow and a smile began to tease his lips.

Natalie let out a growl of frustrating, realizing she had no plan set up in her mind for this point. Things had taken a turn that she never expected to happen and now she was stuck with him, trying to ignore his naked body across from her.

"I know." she felt her own smirk come to her face when an idea hit her. "Let's play our game."

She knew she had him, the moment the words had left her mouth. The mischievous look came back to his face and he seemed all too eager to play their old game once again. Water ran down his face as his grin finally shined through.

"Alright princess. Ask away."

"Okay." she stood up straighter, trying to seem confident. She wanted to ask if he missed her but she knew he would dance around the answer like he had been doing before. She needed to ask him a different way. "Were you going to find me again?"

"Yes," he began. "But that's because you are just too much fun. I had to take care of the Batman first though."

'You thought it would be that easy to get a straight answer out of him?' she scolded herself.

"My turn!" he grabbed onto her arm again, pulling her closer, water running down her naked chest and splashing towards her face. They were inches away from each other but he wasn't looking anywhere but into her eyes.

"Why did you come back?"

She opened a mouth to speak but each time she thought the words make sense, they got caught in her throat. Natalie felt her tough girl facade fading away and her desperation to be with him shine back through.

"You were right, about everything, I understand now about hiding away who I really am. No one understand but you. When you threw me back there, I woke up and the only thing I could think of was being with you again. I craved you, like an addict would for their drugs, like my mother does for her booze. I needed you and if you want me to go, I'll do that but I just needed you to know, I didn't want to leave you."

He still held onto her and went to say something, his fingers tightening against her arm. Then he stopped, the grin fell away and a darker expression took its place. He yanked up her arm, flipping it over, exposing the scars she had acquired since she had last seen him. For a moment, she thought was was going to yell and ask her what she was thinking. But in true Joker like passion, he proved her wrong.

He began to laugh and laugh for what felt like an eternity.

"You really are crazy aren't you princess?" Then, without warning, he grabbed her face and pulled her into him, his lips harshly meetings her's.

It didn't register in Natalie's head what had happened until he bit down on her bottom lip roughly. Quickly she wrapped her arms around his shoulders, opening her mouth slightly letting him into her more. She didn't care if this was one of his tricks or games, she was going to enjoy every inch of him that she could before he pulled away again.

She could feel him growing against her and it made her body crave him even more than she thought was possible.

"Please." she was begging him as he moved away from her. Her mind was foggy and she couldn't find the words in her mind to pull together what she wanted from him. Instead, she tried to kiss him again but he stopped her.

He snickered at the look in her eyes, reaching out and shutting off the shower. He pulled her out with him, lifting her up and pulling open the bathroom door, carrying her over to the bed and dropping her down. He climbed on top of her, leaning his face down, his lips inches away from hers.

"Don't worry princess, I'm not stopping this time."


	29. Chapter 29

Her breath was caught in her throat, her mind clouded, still trying to process all the was happening. She stared up at the man over her with wide, needy eyes, thrusting herself up towards him. 

He let out a chuckle before grabbing her wrists and pinning them above her head. Natalie struggled against his grasp, trying to reach out for him again, wanting to feel his skin against her fingertips. 

“Still got that fire in you princess?” he dropped his mouth down past her face, inches away from her neck. She could feel his hot breath teasing her skin that was burning to be touched already. She waited for him to do something and when he didn’t, she fought against him again. 

He gripped her wrists tighter, snickering again at her actions. “Tsk tsk you forget who is in control here.” 

Natalie fought back a whimper of frustration. He was doing this to get her going, she knew that to be true. She also could tell how much he enjoyed igniting the flame within her by his hardness pressed up against her belly. 

“Please…” she barely managed to get out, her pride taking a hit. 

“What was that?” he nipped at her ear gently and she let out a moan, jerking herself up towards him again. Natalie wanted to fight against him, show him just who she had become now but she craved him like a drug. Still, she fought against herself to let go of it, the madness of the craving slowly driving her insane. 

“Please.” 

As soon as the words left her mouth his lips crashed down on her neck, his teeth digging hard into her skin. She shrieked, surprised at his actions but soon realized there was no pain, only pleasure found in her rough actions. 

He brought his teeth back, sucking on the mark, drawing all the blood to the top leaving a red patch against her skin. He slowly trailed his tongue down her collarbone, above her right nipple where he bit down again and began to bring the redness to the top with his lips. 

“Keep your hands up there.” he growled, his mouth still against her body. Slowly he let go, moving down mouth and hands further and further down until he was between her legs, slowly kissing up her thigh, kneading the other one roughly with his hand. 

Natalie felt her hands shake in anticipation and she closed her eyes shut, forcing her hands to focus on listening to what he told her to do. Her breathing began to grew heavier and heavier as his lips moved closer to her centre, her legs spreading, waiting for him to reach it. 

He stopped moving right where his brand mark was and bit down harder than before. 

Without thinking Natalie’s hand flew down towards his head, threading her fingers in hisr damp hair, her nails digging into his scalp. She thought she was going to let her off the hook as he continued his method, making her mew like a cat in heat. 

But she wouldn’t be so lucky. 

He moved his face back up to meet hers, grabbing her chin roughly and squeezing it so she was staring directly at him. He didn’t say anything for a moment, his expression blank as he studied her face. Then it changed. 

“Now what did I say princess?” he squeezed harder when she didn’t answer. “Come on now.” 

“Keep my hands up.” she spoke out breathlessly, still entranced by her desires. 

“That’s right. Now, I know we haven’t seen each other in awhile but I’m a guy who likes to be in control. If you aren’t going to listen, I can be alot rougher than this. But you already know what don’t you?” he let out a laugh, reaching out to the side stand and pulling a knife from the drawer. “Then again you might like that wouldn’t you.” 

He was right, she was the one who was looking like the helpless pup and he was obviously the master. He wasn’t drunk with lust like she was at that moment. He held all the cards, just like he had when she first was brought here. 

‘God you're being pathetic.’ the voice inside her head egged on. ‘Look at you, cowering down like a little bitch. You wanted to be at his level and now you’re no better than before.’ 

It was true, despite proving herself in the shower by stepping up and taking control, he had sucked it back from her without any question. He liked to be in control, that was what he was used too. 

‘But that’s not what he likes in you.’ the sing song voice went off again. 

He liked it when she had the fire in her eyes, the fighting spirit in her. Her mind traveled back to the party when he had held Rachel, just like he was holding her now, telling her how beautiful she was and how he liked the fight in her. 

‘Show him you’ve got some fight in you too now. You’re the new and improved Natalie. You’re not a weakling anymore.’ 

Without warning, Natalie had managed to catch him off guard, flipping him over, the knife falling from his hand, and swapping places so he was now underneath her body and at her mercy. She closed her eyes for a moment, letting her inner voice run through her, giving her strength. 

“Now listen,” she grabbed his wrist and held them together, pulling them hard against her chest. “That might have been what you’re use to but I am not in the mood to be toyed with.” she moved one of her hands away and lifted her hips slightly to reach down between them. 

“I’ve been waiting for months to do this. Now you can either lay back and take it or help me.” 

His eyes widened slightly and a dark look crossed his eyes as he watched the words leave her lips. She bent her head down towards his, reaching around below for the prize she was looking for. 

“Well, well, well maybe that time away wasn’t so bad after all.” he grinned at her like a madman. “You must be pretty nuts to pull a stunt like this.” 

“That a then some.” she licked her lips, positioning him against her with a low moan of pleasure. She sat there for a moment, staring at him a grin coming to her lips once again. “Tell me how much you want it.” 

“Ohhh I really like this version of you.” he chuckled, avoiding her question. 

She pressed down at little and she could see the sweat beging to form at his hairline and his grin slowly disappearing. Natalie closed her eyes again, trying to not lose herself once more in her body’s madness for him to be in her. 

“Tell me.” she growled again, her body trembling with anticipation. She needed to hear it. She needed to know this all wasn’t in her head, that he had been wanting her as much as she wanted him. 

It took him a moment before he surprisingly gave in. 

“Alright princess you win this time.” he wiggled his wrists free, placing them on her hips. “I want you and only you right now.” 

Without warning, he pushed her down, sliding his whole length into her at once. Natalie heard him take a sharp breath in as she closed her eyes, with her head tossed back letting out a cry of pleasure. His fingers were digging into her skin and she was sure they would leave bruises. 

She wasn’t use to his length but she didn’t care. The pain, the bruises were all worth it to her for just this moment where when she looked down she saw the man who she had fallen for staring back up at her like she was the only thing on his mind. She knew now that he was her’s as much as she was his. 

Natalie rocked her hips back and forth, feeling the build of pleasure already begin to grow in her. His hands moved her quicker against him, his pace increasing with every stroke. Natalie listened as his groan matched her own intense cry. 

He lifted her up, letting her bounce down on him over and over, his mouth moving up to her chest, sucking on her tender buds, nipping at them hard causing waves of pleasure to run through her body. Her fingers were on his back, her nails carving into his flesh leaving red marks across his skin. 

“Save my name.” he moaned out, his body becoming more tense. She had never seen him so bare and raw as she saw him in this moment now. She placed his hands on his face, using her thumb to trace him lips roughly before she crashed her lips down onto his. He bit down on her lip, shoving his tongue in her mouth, digging his nails deeper into her hips. 

Then he was pulling her face away by her hair only making the feeling in her core more hot and needy. 

“Save my name.” 

Without hesitation this time, his name left her lips in a moan. “Jack.” 

Suddenly he flipped her over, so he was in control again, and she wrapped her body against his and he drove into her with a force she had never seen in him before. Natalie wasn’t sure how much longer she would last as she felt her own peak beginning to rise. 

“Natalie.” he spoke from his gritted teeth, staring down her lost in the pleasure he was giving her. 

When she felt him throb inside of her, that pushed her over the edge and the tidal wave crashed over her like she had never experienced before. She rode it, telling him how her body felt, crying out his name as he own release came only moments after hers. 

He collapsed against her, the only sound that could be heard was their laboured breathing. They sat there for awhile, eyes closed and their bodies still joined at their cores. When Natalie felt him pull away, a sense of panic ran through her, thinking he was going to leave. But much to her surprise, that wasn’t the case at all. He had rolled over beside her, reaching down beside the bed and pulling up the knife he had dropped. He pulled her back against his chest, holding the knife up against her just like he use too. 

Natalie felt herself fluttering away into the darkness of sleep not afraid of what was to come when she woke up in the morning. She was with him now, every part of him that he could give to her and she have given him the same. 

As long as she was by his side, everything would be okay.


End file.
